Notice that I identify as "probably lesbian", meaning that I still have a bit of doubt left to resolve. Since childhood, I have had crushes on five girls or women (nearly all the same age). I would nervously look about to see whether they were in the same room, and if they were, I would feel a rush of excitement. I would glance at them every once in a while. At one time, I even worked up the courage to ask one to sign my yearbook. I cried about one while in elementary school. I have been attracted to female video game, computer game, and anime characters, and think often about kissing them and hugging them. My attraction to women is beyond doubt, but I'm just not sure what kind of attraction it is primarily--emotional or physical. Both equally, perhaps. I have had some "crushes" on men, though it's based on physical features I find appealing (red hair, for instance) and/or personality (kind, intelligent, sentimental). I can only remember two or three males for whom I felt any attraction, and it is not for their bodies or unmentionables. Never, ever, have I thought about kissing or hugging men without feelings of revulsion or awkwardness, though. Since I have never been in a romantic relationship (not even ONE date) and feel quite uncomfortable with displays of affection or love/lust, I've never acted on any of the crushes. I know the ultimate choice of orientation is mine, but what would you say I am? What else did you think while reading the post?
Well first of all, I find it a little odd that you cannot hug men without a feeling of revulsion. I mean a hug isn't sexual or romantic, a hug is just a sign that you care about someone. Even if you were strictly lesbian and not bisexual/bi-romantic, I don't think this would be normal. To me, when a feeling is as strong as repulsion from a hug, it sounds like you might not want to be bi, so you kind of put up mental barrier around showing any affection to guys at all. Just from reading your post I get the feeling that if you are not lesbian, you at least have a preference for women. Of course that something only you can know for sure. =)
You sound like a lesbian to me. Huzzah. Sometimes I wish I could be a lesbian. I have too much penis for that though. =P
@Jon Snow: "Revulsion" is probably too strong a word to describe my feelings when I hug or kiss men, so I apologize (what was I thinking?). The word "awkwardness" still stands, though. It's not that I'm completely averse to forming relationships with men--it's that it's far, far more difficult to picture myself in a romantic relationship with a man than to picture myself with a woman. @DhammaGamer: Thanks for your reply!
