I woke up this morning around nine to use the bathroom. Two of our cats sleep in there during the night due to medical issues; Nermal, our old male, and Speedy, his half-sister. Speedy was crouching near the toilet. There was puke and poo everywhere. She started snarling at me... she NEVER snarls at me. Ever. She developed epilepsy when I was a Freshman in High School; she was three-ish at the time. She powered through it, but within the last year, she's had so many issues... she just got too old and too sick. She would have been 13 this coming April. She's been sick for a while, and I just knew in my gut that this time was it. We managed to get her into a carrier, and took her to the vet. I went in with my fiance; my mom was in no shape to come in, and didn't want to see Speedy like that anyhow. The vet said she was blind and that's why she was hissing; she was scared and couldn't recognize us. They think she threw a blood clot and had a stroke. There was nothing we could do, so we did the kindest thing we could and put her to sleep. I stayed with her, and it is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my fucking life. She went quickly, I guess. It was all over in a minute or two, from start to finish. My fiance gave me some time alone with her. I didn't want to leave her there, but I knew it wasn't "her" anymore. I still just feel like I left my baby girl behind, and will never get her back. I just kept wishing I could go back one more day, so I could hug her and hold her and give her catnip and... I don't even know. Knowing she's not in pain anymore doesn't help at all. It helps with the guilt but doesn't do a damn thing for the pain. She was my child. I don't say that to be cutesy or whatever. I mean it. I knew her kitty-mother, I was there as the litter grew up and she picked me. They were just starting to walk, and she toddled over to me and crawled in my lap and fell asleep. She was my 11th year birthday present (she was born 12 days before my birthday). We had to give her away when she was little because she was clawing the shit out of me to the point my 5th grade teacher thought I was cutting myself... but we felt so horrible we went back and got her. She never clawed me again (on purpose) after that and grew up to be a wonderful, loving kitty. She was the furry light of my life. I feel like someone's ripped a part of me out and it will never heal. I found her favorite toy from when she was a baby and some pictures. I put them on my altar with my other important things. I keep picking them up and hugging them, and kiss them and I feel like a freak for doing it, but I just miss her so much. She's being cremated. Maybe it'll hurt less when "she" is back home with me, I doubt it but it'll be some comfort knowing it's done and I can keep that part of her with me. I believe in reincarnation, and I feel she'll "be back", but I don't know that and can never really know that. It's little comfort. And now I'm fucking crying again. I just don't know what to do. I miss my baby.
Hey there, I lost mine too a few years ago. He was a fine Tom Cat, as white as snow. He grew old and started becoming grumpy and I sorta knew when he was about to go. He would stop wandering and just lie on the couch every day. He died one night and that was the night my family was apart. My sis was in Australia, my mom was in Rome, my dad was in London and I was the only one with him. I cried buckets too and it was horrid to have to let him go. We had him cremated and his urn still stands on my table as a reminder with his little collar around the lid. I hope you'll still cherish the happy memories with him though because I did and now I've got another naughty little cat running around the house
I had a cat that passed when I was younger. My sister and I cried a good bit after his death. But he had been in pain for a while, so we had let him go. I know, as many others do, that it's hard. But now I (still) have the cat I had before he died and two little kittes running around (my sister's cat had four kittens and wouldn't let me take one without the other because their twins) (*hug*)
Its never easy when our pets, our family, die, 3 of our dogs have died in my relatively short lifetime, I will never forget any of them, the first was a Golden spaniel named Lola, she got a disease that had never been recorded with a dog having it, I was still young, she meant a lot to us, and to me. the second was the most beautiful Dog I have seen to this day, Winston, he was a boerbul cross breed, we never found out what he was crossed with, but i just know he was huge, had a huge head, and looked exactly like a young lion(the workers named him "tau" meaning lion) well he was murdered, the builders next door must have fed him tainted food, it was very slow to kill him, he lost movement in his legs and so on, he was such a proud dog, it was unreal seeing him so helpless. one morning before school I come to check on him, i thought he was still asleep, so I shook him, nothing, and well, you know what happened. that night we burried him was the first and only time I've seen m dad cry, and if yoou knew this dog you would understand. lastly, Sheba, a pure bred boerbul, she died of old age luckily, but she put up one hell of a fight. in her last few weeks everything was going, she could barely walk, still had her eyesight by some fluke of nature, she started losing her mind though, at least twice she had mini fits, and she got slower mentally. but in the end her death was quick and painless, went to sleep, didn't wake up, when we burried her, the ground put up a fight, had to cut through a meter and a half of roots, took a few hours, but it was worth it. If anything these deaths have showed me that even after huge losses, after a part of ur life goes missing, you will grow stronger, its helped me be more caring, and its shown me how to live in a way, even when Sheba and Winston could barely walk, they never gave up, they fought, and like all dogs, were content with what they were dealt, but for now, just remember them how they were, the good times and the bad times, and see the parts of them you want in you, and see the parts that the pets you also seem to have. people think I'm weird when I talk about this, but people and animals you were closes to,when they go, a bit of them stays with you, they impacted you and that impact will never go away, in the end, we never lose everything, just what we can see and hear. and the things that matter cant be seen, and the most meaningful words cant be heard.
Hug from me, too!(&&&) I've never had a cat (though I've always wanted one) since my brother is allergic, but I did have my first dog put down at 17 years old when I was in second grade. If it sounds like a long time for a dog to live, that's because it is. I was so sad, I'd never encountered a real death before of someone I'd loved, even a pet, that I could understand. It does feel really empty after they've been such a large part of your life, but I think your cat would be happy to know how much you care about her and that you'll still be thinking of her for a long time. Keep your old photos and memories, and maybe she'll come back one day in a whole new life for you to love.(*hug*)
I'm really sorry for your loss. We have a 12 year old Golden Retriever who was just sick again recently, and the thought of losing her was really sad. ACTUALLY losing her will be incredibly sad. Just like when we lose a (human) family member, it takes time to get over it. Focus on the happy times with a spirit of gratitude. The cummulative joy that she provided far outweighs the pain that you're feeling now.
I'm really sorry for your loss. I've lost a few pets, including a cat. Of course, they're not just pets - they're members of the family. My cat died when she was just 2 years old from a disease she caught when she was a kitten. At the time, I was absolutely devastated and I couldn't think of her without crying. However, now, I can look back and remember the good times that I had with her. It's the same for my dog that I had for 13 years; I was crushed when it first happened, but I just tried to focus on all the amazing years I had her and not her passing. I know it's hard, but it will get better. Just try and focus on all the positive times. Again, I'm really sorry for your loss.
*hugs* I'm so sorry. I know how awful that is. I have had to put down several pets over the years, and it never gets easier to make that choice, but know that it does get better over time. You will always remember your cat, she has been a huge part of your life, just like any other member of your family. But there will come a time where the pain of this will fade away and you will be able to think back on the happy times you had with her. Believe me, I know how tough it is. I lost my cat, my baby, a few years ago. When I was little I used to tell my dad we were going to get a cat, and he always told me no because he was allergic. But when I was in kindergarten, we had to write about our life goals, and when I said mine was to get a cat while other kids were saying they wanted to be president or become a teacher, my dad let me get a kitten. The first one we got died almost immediately due to some unexpected complications, and it took a little while before I got another, but I was still pretty young when I did. I want to say I was maybe 6. So I basically grew up with this cat, and she lived until I was 22. I cried and cried over it when she had to be put down. It was just awful, especially because I couldn't be there with her because I was away at college. But over time, I was able to think back and not remember the sick cat that she had become but instead remember all of the good times we had, and you will be able to as well, I'm sure of it. Just keep your head up and keep reminding yourself as much as you can of all of the good times. Keeping close those photos and things to jog your memory is a great idea and will probably really help even if it's still sad right now.
pet are family, don't feel like freak for remebering your cat and kissing her things, its all part of the healing process. My heart goes out to you, at least you did the right thing in putting her down instead of letting her live an suffer because you couldn't let go. As the wounds begin to heal you'll be able to be happy that she was in your life, and remember the good times. (*hug*)
Hey, I went with to put down our dog a year and a half ago. I've had pets die before, but being there and seeing it in person is quite honestly one of the most emotional things I've ever experienced. It was so much harder then I expected. I'm sorry you had to go through this =(
Oh, I'm so sorry. It is very hard to lose a pet, especially because a lot of people expect you to get over it quickly (because they think it's "just a cat"). Let yourself mourn as much as you need to. *hugs*
@ Yuya I will cherish my memories of her. I just wish memories had four paws and could cuddle; one last hug would have been wonderful. But at least I got to say goodbye, that's more than some get. It IS horrid... Mine got grumpier, too. I think at that point, it's a sad blessing to be able to help them on their way. It just sucks so badly. :[ @ Wyden: Thank you for the hugs. @ Dasc: No, it's not easy. I hope I can become stronger from this. Right now, it just feels like it'll never heal. All I want is my cat back; I feel like a selfish five year old, but it's the truth. She did make a huge impact. It'll never go away, I know, but damn it hurts. @ Noir: I really hope she does come back. My fiance swears he saw her come through here the night she died; I would like to think she was saying hello and that she made it "over there" okay, rather than our brains trying to fill a blank spot. And yeah, this is the first death of a loved one I have experienced since my guinea pig and my brother's cat died back when I was 10-ish. It's always hard, but when you haven't seen that in so long... and I have never seen an animal put to sleep before, much less been the one holding her paw when she went... I don't know. There's just something that makes it... not worse, I don't even know the word for it. @ Jim: I'm trying to stay positive. Thank you. @ Alex: It will get better eventually. I try to remember that. But "crushed" really is a good word for it. I guess I had let myself fall into the illusion that they're our family, they'll live forever don't you know, running off pure love... which would be a nice thought, but it's not true. It sucks. @ Fly: I look forward to the day I can look back and smile, rather than look back and burst into tears. Especially when I'm in a diner or grocery store and randomly see something that reminds me of her. I am really sorry to hear about your cats; it makes me smile to hear that your life goal was to get a cat though, it's really adorable. It's just so awful when they get to be such a huge part of your heart, and then they're gone. I had mine from when I was 11, and I'm 23 now... so I definitely sympathize. Went through SO much with this cat by my side... @ Malachite: It was the right thing to do. It was the only thing to do; the vet outright said she was dying and that there was no choice, it was either let her die on her own or help her along, and I'm not going to make my baby suffer just so I can get a few more minutes. She wasn't even really all there, so it'd just have been horrible for the both of us. @ Jon: I's a very emotional, harsh thing to experience. But also bittersweet. Being able to ease their suffering is a wonderful thing and the best gift ("thank you for being part of my life and I love you") you can give them in the end, but dear god does it ever hurt once they're gone. I thought it'd be easy, knowing how sick she was, but it wasn't easy at all. I thought yesterday would be easier, but it was actually more difficult. I think shock has worn off and reality is setting in. @ Chandra: I feel a lot of people do think that, "oh I'm sorry you lost a cat but that's life, ah well". My brother actually said almost that... I said my day was ruined, and he said "it's not ruined, that's just how life goes". ... Uh, MY cat is dead, MY day's experience, I think I can decide for myself whether or not it was ruined. People don't seem to grasp that she was FAMILY, that I considered her my baby, not just some animal I had for entertainment value. Sigh. Thank you all, for the hugs and kind words. And I am so sorry for all of your losses; it's something I don't wish on anyone. *sends hugs to you all in return* Also thought I'd share a picture.... God, I miss her so much.
(*hug*) Sorry for your loss I love animals, and so does my whole family. We've had cats most of my life, and a few dogs too. They become true family members and it is always hard to lose them. Even though I like all animals, I'm more a cat person than any other type. There's just something about those cute and intelligent animals. They have such personalities.
