At my school's GSA meeting today, we went around in a circle and shared our stories of coming out (the straight people there talked about their support for the LGBT cause). I'm not out to everyone, so I didn't share anything. I was incredibly jealous of all the other gay people, all of whom were out by the beginning of junior year. I haven't come out to anyone for more than a year now, and have, if anything, retreated further into the closet. Everyone who am out to is either in college by now or living far away, so at this point, nobody at school knows. I feel like a total square, and completely hopeless. My coming out process is complicated by the fact that I have a twin. I feel like if I didn't have a twin, I would have come out at school years ago. I'm afraid that if I do, people will think that he's gay too, and that he might suffer any fallout as well. Furthermore, his presence at school essentially means that I can't separate coming out at school with coming out to my family, a move which is much more intimidating. I've never told him that I'm gay, and if he is too, he's never told me. We never talk to each other about any personal, so simply telling me to talk to him about it is much easier said than done. It would be too awkward to just tell him all of a sudden that I'm gay - there would be no precedent, because we never talk to each other about the simplest feelings. I feel like there's no way I'll make any more progress in coming out until I leave him and am far away from my twin.
Is your twin identical? If so statistics show there's like a 70% chance he'd be gay too. I would say if it is bothering you to tell other people when you are afraid how it might affect him you should talk to him first and ask him how it would make him feel. Ultimately its your decision though. Also, if you are fraternal twins then really there's not a whole lot better chance of him being gay than if you were regular siblings. I think there might be a slight difference from sharing womb, but I can recall if its statistically significant.
i think that even though it is easier said than done, you should talk to your twin anyways. he's your brother, after all. you could even write him a letter, if you want to. but, especially with something as serious and personal as this, you'd probably want to keep the line of communication open to prevent any misunderstandings.
Maybe come out to only your GSA first? I'm sure they must have some sort of confidentiality rule.. I found that it was easier to come out to people who were gay themselves, although I am not out to many people.
Is there someone you know in the GSA who could keep this a secret? It might help to be able to talk to someone in person about this and get their perspective. We all struggle with coming out, and we set out these 'rules' for ourselves about who we tell first. "Well, I can't tell mom, because I haven't told dad. And I can't tell dad before I tell my brother. And I can't tell my brother..." Basically, we 'create' the siatution where we decide that we won't be able to come out until we've moved to a dessert island or something. And that's just not practical. It seems to me that your brother is the next person you should tell. And sure - it might be awkward, but only for about 30 seconds. And then it will be done - and you can have a conversation with him about coming out at school. If you and your brother don't talk about serious stuff, then presumably you aren't that close? You lead your own lives at school, as opposed to doing everything together? So I don't think people will automatically assume he's gay just because you are. Give it some thought.
