Hi everybody! I am a senior in college and I think it is time for me to tell my parents who I really am. I am a bisexual and I have the most amazing girlfriend in the world! She is very supportive and knows it will take a while for me to tell my parents, which I appreciate. However, I think I am ready to get this huge weight off of my chest. It is pushing me apart from my family and I haven't even told them yet. I am in need of some support right now. My family is very religious and I have a very strong feeling they will not react too kindly to what I have to tell them. However, for me it is worth it. I have spent so much of my life depressed because I have lived my life to make those around me happy. The person I have been forgetting is my own happiness. I do not live close to my family. I do go to visit them every couple of months, but I don't think I would be able to discuss this with them during one of my visits... One, because I know I would chicken out and two, because if things end badly I don't know how I will be able to take that long drive back to my place alone. I have come out to my older brother, and we came up with an idea to write my parents a letter not only explaining who I am but how happy I am. I have a 4.0 GPA, I'm on the President's List of my university, and I am in the top 15% of my class. How does this matter? Well, my parents assist in my finances as long as I keep my grades up. I know there is a possibility that they will try to retract their previous offer to assist me, which would greatly hinder my education career. However, I think at this point I am going to have to accept this and do anything I can to enhance my life. I want my own happiness, and I know I cannot be truly happy with keeping this from my family any longer. Anyways, I kind of just needed some outside support and encouraging words to know that I can do this even if it is by the support of people I have never met. Cheers to happiness and the strength it takes to pursue that!
Hi there, and welcome to EC! Reading your post, it sounds like you've got things pretty well under control - which is perhaps why nobody has posted here before now. You're doing great in school, you have a girlfriend, you're out to a sibling who seems to be supportive... all great stuff. Coming out to parents, no matter how old you are, is one of the toughest things to do. I was 36 and I agonized over it!! And there was absolutely no fear of them withholding financial support or even reacting negatively - but I was still nervous telling them. So it's totally natural for you to feel the way you do. I think your approach is a good one. We often tell people here that if they make their coming out really dramatic and express any shame or fear or guilt, it provides the recipient the impression that being gay comes with a lot of drama, shame and guilt. And that's not at all the case. So instead, you should stick to the positives - you're a top student, active in student activities, happier than you've ever been, AND you're gay. You might want to include in that letter some PFLAG information for your parents if you think they're not even going to really understand what gay means - other than what they have already heard - which I gather isn't good. They might need some positive reinforcement to assure them that you're going to be OK. Parents get upset about things not because they don't care, but because they do care. They think 'punishing' you by taking away your financial assistance is in your best interest - to try to set you on the 'right' path. They wont' be doing it because they don't love you and don't care. Remember that. Good luck though. I wish you all the best!
