Hello all, I am taking time to try to figure out what I am because my current life doesn't seem to be what I really want. I have a boyfriend, and we have been together for four years. I am attracted to guys and if I see a cute Guy on the street, I tend to stare. But, I also stare if I see an attractive female. My boyfriend has caught me a number of times looking at female "hindquarters". Also, I don't sex very much. It does nothing for me and I never had an orgasm from it....EVER!!! I love to receive oral sex and I like to give it. I prefer giving females oral as opposed to males...it just turns me on more. I have experienced being with about 7 females sexually, and I have always been the initiator. Yet, I have only been in relationships with guys. I have had sexual contact with a lot of guys, but I only had sex with about 10 of them. That's less than a quarter of the guys I have had any sexual contact with. ( I was young, don't judge me) Im just not into sex...my boyfriend actually called me a lesbian because all I ever want is oral. Sexually, my boyfriends isn't really turning me on I have to fantasize often about a female to achieve an orgasm with him. He's a very attractive Guy and fit so I don't think it's him that's the problem. Can someone help me please??? :bang:
You're ignoring the biggest issue here: how do you feel about this? Do you love him? Is that what makes this hard? Or are you uncomfortable with the idea that you might be a lesbian? It's not always completely about the sex, you know; however, considering that you've never enjoyed having sex with a man, that's a pretty huge red flag.
Thanks For the reply. I am confortable with the idea of being a lesbian. Actually just saying it makes me feel good and just overall "better". I love him a lot and he treats me wonderfully. I don't know how to tell him about this. He asks me why I don't want to have sex with him and I keep telling him its hormonal, but I'm just not interested. We have a son too, so that makes it difficult.
Hi there, and welcome to EC. Having a son does complicate things a bit, but it still shouldn't change the ultimate direction that you take here. I was married for 9 years and had 2 little girls before I finally had to accept and admit that I was gay. It was hard, but I really had no choice. I'd become so miserable and uncomfortable in my own skin that I had to make a change and be honest with myself and with other people. Yes - I felt like I was hurting my wife. Really, I felt that I was ruining her entire life. But I wasn't really. Life throws us curveballs sometimes, and we deal with them. Some peopel deal with them better than others. My wife took a very positive approach - for the sake of our kids - and has been very supportive and encouraging. We remain best friends and we're very much on the same page when it comes to parenting our kids. Had I tried to stay and just keep this to myself, I think I would have ruined our marriage anyway - because I was so depressed and miserable. So while the situation might feel impossible, it really isn't. It can turn out for the best. Have you ever talked to a counsellor about this? I found it extremely helpful to have an unbiased professional to talk to about what I was thinking and feeling. He helped me get through this. I highly recommend counselling. This is a tough situation, and hiring a professional to help you is worth it. There's no rush or set timeline for you to figure this out though. Do it at your own pace on your own schedule.
Thanks for the reply. Yes, I don't feel happy and I'm not comfortable in my skin. I feel like I'm missing something and while i love him very much, I can't give him what he needs. I actually have an appt scheduled next week with a counselor. This just became too much for me to process on my own.
You're very welcome. It's great to hear that you have already booked an appointment. I hope that goes well. I firmly believe that we aren't meant to figure life out on our own. We need other people, and sometimes other people need us. Working with a professional is the smartest thing you can do. Keep us posted!
