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i need support and understanding... please read...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by karenjung64, Oct 12, 2011.

  1. karenjung64

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    raleigh, nc
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    i am pretty depress. i have been looking for different sites to help my problem but i could'nt find one. i'll make my story straight and precise, i think i am bisexual, or worse, gay. but i hope not gay, like totally gay because i'm married to a wonderful and loving husband. we don't have any child. i feel so sorry for him specially to myself. what can i do? i'm like this. i sometimes find myself fancy women which i don't mean to. i really don't. it's so hard for me to bear and to accept the fact as to how on earth i'm doing that. how and why. since childhood i remember myself playing boys' toys, watching boys' movie, i used to like wearing mens' things, and i fancy girls. i have no idea why. as i grew up, i changed. i thought fancying women are just an admiration but it wasn't. i realized i fancy them sexually on how does it feels like to kiss them, or even have sex with them. i feel so bad. most of my life i've been having a doubt on sexual preference and it was kind of made me scared or something whenever it crosses to my mind that i might be bi or gay. there were times too that i get attracted with men, but if i must sum up, majority are women. but i swear, i've never even kissed a woman before. i've never have and i wish not to. i wish i am wrong on what i am thinking because i can't be like this. i don't know, i might just be curious. my family have a big expectations on me and so my husband is. i once told him but he didn't listen. he said it's probably i'm feeling this way to women because most of my friends are women. if you see where i'm coming from. sometimes i get the feeling that i hate myself but like i said, what can i do that i'm like this? now this is another side of my story too, i once work with this girl at work, she's very pretty and hot. i hate it when i find myself attracted to her. i don't know if she's gay or bi but the way she act, yes. we had an encounter before that we flirted with each other before i started working with her but that was it. so when i started working working with her, i don't know if it's just me but it sounded like she was taking what happened before seriously. she's always around she gets jealous when i talk to men (in a friendly way), even until now, because she gives me this attitude of her. she's most of the time around me whenever we work together either directly or not. i couldn't understand what she wants from me. i'm married and she knows that. everybody in the workplace knows am married. we don't talk very much too like having a converstation. no. it happened once but i guess she realized then we didn't have that much chemistry so i pressume that was a turn off to her. she's just giving me different kinds of vibes until now. it feels like she checks on me or something. i don't know. i'm not sure because i totally don't understand her. who knows, i might just be blowing things out of proportion.


    thank you for reading. i'd appreciate any kinds of concerns.
     
  2. Katt

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    I'm a texan[: No.. we don't ride horses to school.
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Hello sweetheart!

    From the way you talk about this, I get the feeling you REALLY don't want to be gay. Which is pretty normal, most people freak out when they find this out about themselves,. But the thing is, being gay or bisexual is not a bad thing, and it's definetly not the end of the world. You can't help who you are! In fact, this is an opportunity to find happiness. If your husband doesn't listen to you about things like this, then there's a problem with the communication.
    Karen, the truth is, you are attracted to women. And the way I see it, you have two options.
    -You could go around living your life as if nothing changed...but we both know you would not be happy. You would just continue to struggle with it every day, and life's too short for self-denial. This is YOUR life, honey. Not your husbands, not your parents, and not your friends. It's yours ONLY.
    The second option is something like this,
    -You could firmly tell your husbend that you are attracted to women, and that if he can't accept it, then he needs to work those problems out. He is your best friend, and life partner, but he is NOT your boss. And if he won't meet you halfway, he isn't the one for you.

    Don't feel guilty about your feelings towards women. It is not a dirty thing, and it's not abnormal at all. A lot more people are attracted to the same sex than you might think. It's nothing to be ashamed of. [: Think about what I've said, and consider your options, You do NOT have to live in silence. Happiness will come when you have been true to yourself, and proud of what you are!!
    Much love,
     
    #2 Katt, Oct 12, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2011
  3. addie88

    Full Member

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    ^what she said. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    There is no reason to suppress your feelings. Why live life doing things for other people or doing what society considers normal? There is nothing wrong with being bi or gay. It's just your orientation-- a small part of who you are, and basically just a component in figuring out what will make you happy in life. That's what everybody wants: happiness. And if you like women, you like women, and there's no getting around it. So why ignore it, or suppress it? It's not wrong. It's not evil or harmful or gross. It's just a feeling inside you.

    Nobody wakes up one day and says "hey, i'm gay! awesome!" Instead, we go though denial. We go through frustration, and confusion, and sadness. And all because we just want to fit in and not be different from those around us. But really, life is all about figuring out what will make you happy as an individual. Don't wait for your husband to give you permission. Listen to the voice inside you, because deep down you know what you want and need.
     
  4. Yuya

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Melbourne
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So what do u feel about your husband? Do you still find guys sexually appealing?
     
  5. Jim1454

    Full Member

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    Hi there and welcome to EC. You've come to the right place, and you're certainly not alone in feeling the way you do.

    I'm also someone who finally realized that i was gay later in life. I had been marred for 9 years and had two beautiful little girls before I finally had to accept that I was gay and really only attracted to other men. I loved my wife, and I hated to hurt her, but by staying in the marriage I would have been hurting her too. I was growing very distant. I was very unhappy. And my mood was getting worse and worse, the longer I tried to stay and pretend that everything was OK. So while it was painful to split up, it was really the best thing we could have done.

    Thankfully my family and friends have been very supportive. They don't really care that I am gay. Even my ex wife is very supportive and remains my best friend. My ex wife and I have since remarried and we are both very happy. In fact I've never been happier now that I'm living an honest and authentic life.

    So this is a difficult situation for sure. What should you do?

    You can certainly hang out here and read our stories and share your thoughs and concerns with us. Empty Closets was a huge help to me when I was coming to terms withi the fact that i wasn't straight.

    Speak to a counsellor. Perhaps you have counselling serices provided as a benefit at work? Or you can find help through your local community services. But I found it extremely helpful to have a counsellor to talk to - not just about how I was feeling, but how to best communicate with my wife and my kids.

    Feel free to respond here, or to write to me directly if you want to talk one on one. Good luck!
     
  6. Vesper

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    Hi, there. I noticed that we have some things in common with each other. I was also tomboyish as a child, and I also wonder what it's like to be intimate with a woman while being too apprehensive to actually take any action.

    Please do not harbor any sort of shame and self-hatred for having these feelings. You quite clearly didn't choose to be this way, and don't wish to be this way, yet you are. We're unable to choose our skin, eye, and hair colors, right? Throughout history, people have been discriminated against based on traits present at birth or acquired during childhood, and made to feel like they are second-class, or even worthless. Undoubtedly, as a consequence, many felt ashamed about their physical traits, or language, or culture, and actually took it into heart that they were inherently inferior.

    We're better than that now, and there are many resources out there that can help empower you to find your own happiness and thrust off others' unreasonable expectations about how you "should" love only men. You've already found one such resource, and a good one at that. This is a good step toward regaining your self-respect and confidence, and achieving the happiness you deserve. Best of luck!
     
    #6 Vesper, Oct 13, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2011