Ok. So I am in High School right now. I am a gay male and I'm not open about it. Nobody really knows for sure. I have been going through an annoying time lately. There is this guy that I like really well. The problem? Well, I don't know if he's gay. I know that your probably thinking "don't even bother... Their probably not gay... Just stop now..." but it isn't that easy. I am in 5 class periods out of 7 with this guy. I can't leave because it's to late in the year. I really like this guy. Here is how it is with him. The way he talks to me makes me think he likes me too. He is really nice to me sometimes. I just have that feeling that he does, but he says homophobic things sometimes, usually not to me though. Once this kid, who I am almost positive is gay because he says things about guys ALL the time, asked everyone if they were homophobic. They all said yes, including the guy I like. I don't know. He doesn't really act gay, he just gives me that idea that he is. Today he asked if I was gay. I said no. He didn't say anything else about it. I mean, I do get called gay, fag, queer a lot at my school and I do sort of act gay sometimes (I understand this is a stereotype of 'acting gay'), but regardless of what happens he still talks to me all the time. He did say he hates gay people a while back when that kid asked everyone if they were homophobic. I just don't understand. What do you think is going on? I really want either something to happen or for me to get over him, but it's just not that easy. Thanks.
Hello Andrewshell11! It is very possible that this boy is in denial. What makes me think this the most is the fact that he said he hates gay people. That may not make much sence, ["why on Earth would a gay person hate gays?!"] but the pattern seems to be that people who are very insecure about thier own sexuality, will make fun of, or claim to hate the sexual orientation of others, just like bullies do. His behaviour falls in line with this [I would have to meet him to be sure, this is just from what I can tell from your message]. There's also the possibility that he truly does feel that way about homosexuals, in which case, I would be careful about sending the wrong signals. Torment is more trouble than it's worth. There's not really a clever way [that I can think of off the top of my head anyway], to ask him about his preferences, but if he asked you, that could be a sign that he's just looking for someone that shares his struggle. There truly is a lot of ways this could be interpretated. None of us at EmptyClosets know this person, we've never heard him talk, seen him judge, or felt his feelings, but you have. YOU know this person, so I want you to go with your gut; it's usually right. Think about what you want to happen, and what's actually happening. And make sure you know the difference. Love is blind! So if you examine this, and decide that there really is something there that you might not have seen before, then trust that. Do be careful tohugh, no matter what choice you end up making.
I am kind of in the same situation as you are but the guy I like hasn't done or said anything homophobic and the last time this happened to me I made the mistakes of letting myself get to far without knowing if the guy is gay or not and I guess you could say I fell in love which didn't turn out good. This might be helpful for you, don't right off the bat think he is gay take time and get to know him better, people can say things that they don't really agree with themselves to fit in with "the group" I'm not going to say give up its not worth it but don't get to invested into it or you could end up getting hurt.
Katt, I love your responses that I read on these forums. They're so informative and professional. This person is just so confusing. I will try to find out more about this person before I do anything. I'm not ready to come out yet myself, so I don't want to risk anything yet. Thanks.
He might like you but I don't know enough to decide if he likes you for sure. The problem about high school is that gay guys in high school are some of the most homophobic guys. I have a gay friend whom was extremely homophobic. If he's extremely homophobic he might have something to hide.
He just... idk. I don't think he acts gay. It's just the way he talks to me sometimes. Sometimes he is super nice and sweet and it's like he wants to talk to me. Other days he seems not interested that much. I mean, I have never had a guy friend that was straight that has really talked to me the way he does. He doesn't say anything directly to make me think he's gay, nor does he sound gay. It's just the things he says to me. Sometimes when my other friend is faking hurting me like pinching me and things like this, sometimes he'll say things like "Don't hurt ....." (..... is where my name would be). Things like that just lead me to feel like he does like me. Other times he'll say things like "fag, queer, etc." but usually not directed to me. It's just so confusing.
I tried to send you a private message but they wouldnt let me because I'm too new lol but yeah... I start vasity football at my highschool as a softmore amd im gay. It's hard finding someone else thats gay and hiding! I'm in the same boat as you are
This When I was in High School I was extremely homophobic because I was afraid if I was even seen with another gay person someone would think I was gay (crazy I know). I really don't know what to tell you about your friend, but good luck. I hope you figure this out soon! :icon_bigg
Hmmm. I wish there was a way to talk to you about this. It feels so much better to talk to somebody. I'm a sophomore as well. It is very difficult for me too.
What was the situation when the guy asked if you are gay? Was he talking to you privately, or in front of other people? And how did he ask you? Was it a friendly conversation? What prompted the question? Before worrying whether the guy likes you, maybe you could just figure out if he's someone you could come out to without terrible repercussions. The way you describe him defending you to other people, it sounds to me like he's a pretty good friend of yours at least. If he was talking to you privately, and seemed to genuinely want to know, you can probably tell him. After you are out to him, figuring out if he likes you will be much easier. Meanwhile, make friends with the gay kid who took the homophobia poll. (And incidentally, when he was asking everybody if they were homophobic, what did you say?)
Ugh highschool is a confusing place. The context when/was/why above as Ianthe has asked could provide more insight. Thats so sweet that he protects you.. There are guys out there like that, its not only gay people who are nice . I have had some of the most accommodating and pleasant men in my life who were just interested in being around me as a person. I would remove the idea of him being gay at all and work hard at developing this friendship!! Good friends are hard to come by. It is not at all common for gay people to be homophobic in their younger years, it is sort of a learned behaviour in the society we live in. You are totally entitled to question him on it.. just say with a bit of cheek 'whats with all the gay hating?' and if he comes back and asks you 'why are you gay or something' there is also nothing wrong with saying 'I could be, would that be a problem?'. OK ok that might be a bit full on to do just yet, but that is how I usually dealt with bullies.. throw it back at them and assert yourself as against that behaviour.
I was sitting in class before it started. He came in and so did my other friend. Then he just said ".... are you gay?" (where .... would be my name.) and I said "No." He didn't say it in a bad way, nor did he say it in a good way. It was kind of a neutral voice, showing no emotion really. As for the kid with the homophobia poll, he didn't really ask me. Here is how that went... I was in my French class. My French teacher made us go into the auditorium because she is over pictures and all the younger students were getting their pictures taken. My French class was sitting in the back of the auditorium. I was sitting in front of one of my friends. Beside of her was the kid that took the homophobia poll. Then beside me was my other friend. On the other side of me was the guy that I like. The first thing the kid that took the poll did was asked the friend behind me, or beside him, "Are you homophobic?" She said "Nope.". Then he turned to me and goes "Are you homophobic... wait never mind.. your not..." and I said "haha ok." then he asked the friend beside me if she was. She said "no I'm not." Then she asked the guy I like and all the other people if they were. They all said yes.
UPDATE: So, this guy that I really like... I still like him a LOT. I think of him all the time. I still don't know if he's gay or bi or anything. He acts straight really, but the way he talks to me sometimes and looks at me.. and the way he wants to talk to me sometimes... It just makes me think he likes me a lot. When I'm sitting in lunch, I'll look up and he'll be looking at me sometimes. Sometimes he looks up and I'll be looking at him. He sits like 2 tables over so it's kind of from afar. I'll be sitting in class sometimes and I can see him in the corner of my eye looking my way (I'm not 100% sure if he's looking at me or not since it's from the corner of my eye, but if I had to guess, I'd say he is). In first period, I sit like 3 seats in front of him and over one, so he is sort of angled to where he can see me. I will look over to my friend beside me sometimes and i can see him sitting back there looking my way. The same goes for second period which is gym. I'll be on the other side of the gym talking to one of my friends and I look over and he is looking at me, or I'll be sitting down and he'll look at me.. Sometimes when I'm sitting alone he'll come over there and sit and talk to me for a few minutes. (The way I am saying this makes it sound like He's looking at me all the time. I don't mean for it to sound like it's every 2 seconds or anything. I just notice these things.) When he looks at me, it's really shows no emotion. I can't really read whether it's a "I like him", "I wish he'd quit looking at me at the time...", or "Is he looking at me?" kind of look. It's sort of obvious that I like him.. I mean.. Seriously... I sort of get that feeling in my gut that says to me "he knows you like him...". It is completely obvious to me. i have done a very well job of not making it obvious to others though, except maybe to him. I know he talks about me sometimes to people. Not in a bad way, but a good way sort of. He doesn't say anything like "He is nice.." or anything. He just mentions things I say or do sometimes... I'm not sure if he ever says anything about me behind my back though saying I'm gay or anything to people. I haven't heard anything from anyone saying he says stuff. Usually when somebody says something about me, it gets back to me within a class period or two. Here is the sad/good/bad part: he told me that he is moving in 8 days. he is moving to another state in a city 5 hours away from here. I don't know how I feel about this. In a way this is a really good thing. It means I can finally get over him. i won't have to deal with thinking of him all day. I won't see him every, so that means it will be pretty easy for me to get over him. The bad: Well.. I will miss him. I like him so much... I wish he would just tell me before he goes that he likes me too... or he doesn't like me.. or tells me he is bi or gay.. or something like that. Maybe ask me for a number to keep in contact... i don't know. I just want something to signal even further that he DOES or DOESN'T like me. I just wish I knew. High school is so confusing.. I hate that part of high school. I do like how you can be yourself sometimes in high school though. This post if a huge post of rambling and venting my feelings, but it makes me feel so much better. I just need somebody else's opinions on things. The more information I get from people, the more I notice things and stuff. The guy says "straight person things" such as "dude.", "man.", etc. I mean if he never spoke to me, I wouldn't really question if he was gay or bi. Then he spoke to me a few times. That's when I started liking him. Then we started staring and stuff. I'm not going to ask him if he's gay or anything, but I just need more opinions of this. I'm a very jealous person. So yeah. Seeing him talk to other people sometimes drives me crazy. Especially when he ignores me to talk to them sometimes. I think he does that sometimes to make me jealous or something. I just get those feelings sometimes. So what do you guys think?
This is pretty good advice...sounds like he has public defense mechanisms so he dosent accidently out himself if he is gay... anyway...since he is moving away...maybe a weekend before he moves away tell him you were scared to to tell him when he asked you if you were gay and that you really are..he could have possibly been not wanting to out himself first if he finds out you are not gay after asking you... then tell him your feelings lol :icon_bigg this would work great if it happened on a weekend before he moved away so he wouldnt beable to out you at school if things werent what they seem to be..
I don't know if I should say anything to him about it. I mean, I don't want to risk people finding out. His brother isn't moving away and the guy I like will be coming back every 2 weeks to see him, so it could still get back to people at school. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it, but I keep getting more and more signs that he likes me.
Andrew.. If he's moving away, wouldnt you like to look back in life and KNOW you had the guts to ask him before he leaves? I WOULD KILL(not really of course) to have someone I suspected. Anyways, if he truly is, I wouldnt let this chance slip out of your fingers. ---------- Post added 20th Oct 2011 at 06:38 PM ---------- Ah,and if he DOES tell people that your gay... you would deserve way better. Everyone does (sorry about the double post btw)
i think you should tell him before its too late. not only will you find out about him, but you'll get to see if he is a true friend or not depending on how he responds. id say to do it in person so that if he takes it badly and tries to tell other people, there's no evidence and you can deny deny deny if someone confronts you about it.
I'm still kind of debating on whether to ask him or not. I've been sick so I haven't been to school in 2 days now and tomorrow is supposed to be his last day. I will go tomorrow most likely.
