gay means happy anyways, doesn't it?

So, obviously, I have been questioning my sexuality a lot lately. When I first accepted the fact that I am not straight, I was terrified. It felt like I everything I knew about myself and everything I thought I wanted was just lost in translation somewhere. I feared that my life wouldn't turn out how I expected it would and that I should just give up on my dreams now.

It took a while but I thought long and hard about what I thought my life would be like and what I wanted out of life. When it came down to it, the four main things I wanted were: to be successful, to be happy, to get married, and to have a family. The more I thought about these things, the more I realized that they were still possible, just not in the "traditional" sense that our society harps upon.

These are the conclusions I came to after much thought:

Being successful (in my career mostly) has absolutely nothing to do with my sexuality. I can follow the path I've created and honestly, no one even has to know what gender I prefer.

Being happy also has nothing to do with my sexuality. This has been the thing I have struggled with the most in my life (regardless of anything to do with sexual orientation). I have never been able to find the balance between good stress and bad stress and in turn, have been unhappy for a long time. Perhaps finally confronting this issue might make me happier.

Getting married would still be a possibility for me. If I chose to fall in love with and get married to a female, well so be it because Massachusetts would legally allow me to

And last but not least, the most important thing to me, having children. Well, thanks to modern science and very generous people, this would also be a possibility for me. Whether it be invetro, adoption, or surrogacy, having children would be do-able. The only thing I have ever wanted out of life (and I've known this from a VERY young age) has been to be a mother. Being gay wouldn't stop me from that.

All in all, I have realized that the most important things to me are still important and are still do-able in a sense. Just because my life isn't playing out like I imagined it should, doesn't mean that it won't really play out to be like I wanted it to. All it takes is a little reorganizing to figure out that gay or straight, what you wanted out of life will still be possible