Hi, I'm new to this forum and new, in fact, to being bisexual. I broke up with a long-term boyfriend about 6 months ago and since then have met a wonderful girl who I care for very much. As soon as I started a relationship with my (now) girlfriend, I knew I had to come out to my parents. I had no idea what their reaction would be but seeing as they were generally free thinking people and we love each other very much, I thought they might be shocked but accepting over time. I didn't actually come out to them either - they rang me one day and asked. The reaction was awful and I was physically sick for some time because of it. I think I'm still waiting for the time thing - it's only been a couple of months. Basically, my father was 'disappointed' and my mother was furious - she alternates between crying and trying to understand why, at 26, I have chosen the path I have. Lately she has decided that because I'm bisexual I have essentially chosen my girlfriend over them, supposedly indicating that I love my family less - which we discussed heatedly the other day. My parents say they still love me very much but will never see my partner - it just doesn't feel like they love me as much as they used to I guess. My mother told me that I have to tell my brother - she doesn't like secrets in the family - which I want to do but rarely see him. He is a little older (28) but we have never really had a particularly close relationship so I think it would be odd to call up out of the blue and somehow broach the subject. Does anyone have any suggestions? Writing a letter doesn't particularly appeal to me either...I'm figuring it will have to be over the phone as I live far from him. Basically, my questions are two-fold: 1) How to I stave off my mother? What can I say to her while I am preparing to tell my brother (not sure I am 100% ready to tell him) 2) How should I approach my brother? Mum said he will react like she did (which was very bad) - I'm not so sure but have been thrown by my parents' reaction. Do I just need to get it over with or is it valid to take my time (although it feels like I will never be ready to tell him). I have already told my best friend (who is very supportive) and my work colleagues/friends know and they have shown no negative behaviours towards me... Any advice would be greatly appreciated, C.
Hi there, and welcome to EC. I'm sorry to hear that your parents reacted the way they did. It does take time for people to come to terms with this news - just as it took you time to come to terms with it. So give them time and don't assume that they way they feel today will be the way they fell forever. As for telling your brother, just get it overwith. Sure, it will be an awkward conversation to have, but make it positive. "Hi bro, how are things? That's good. Hey, I have something a little awkward to talk about, but it's important that you know. I've come to realize that I'm bisexual and I'm in a great relationship with a wonderful girl. I've never been happier, and I wanted you to know." What is important to remember is that it really doesn't matter how other people react. The fact of the matter is that you're bisexual, and living an honest and authentic life is the only way for YOU to be happy. And the only person responsible for your happiness is you. Likewise, the only person responsible for your mom's happiness is your mother. If she chooses to make this a big deal, to stew about it for months, to decide up front that she never wants to meet your partner, it's her loss - not yours. She'll hopefully come to realize that she's hurting herself more than anyone else - but maybe she won't. It will be totally up to her. Good luck! Let us know how it goes.
So I told my brother today - he said he loves me and will support me where he can but doesn't necessarily agree with my values. It's a relief but I'm also pretty sad still, I know it is hurting everyone - will I ever get over feeling so sad all the time?
