Hello! Sorry, this is my first time posting on this site, so sorry if I posted this in the wrong area. I have been struggling with my sexuality for years, and after experimenting with a guy, I realized that men just don't turn me on at all - in fact, the thought of sleeping with one is repulsive... The community I'm from seem to be ok about Gay Guys, but for some reason, Lesbians are far and in between, and they desperately hide it. Anyway, I am rambling. The point is, I'm a girl who is attracted to other girls. I think I am ready to start treading the waters on coming out, I want to date a girl. I am lonely, and at this rate, I'm turning into a crazy cat lady... The only problem, is my Dad. He's Homophobic, but my best friend in the entire world. I've always looked up to him, and always turned to him for help. I've held off for so long on my feelings towards woman because I don't want to hurt my relationship with him, but I'm tired of being unhappy and lonely. The Gay Helpline told me to wait until after I have a girlfriend to tell him, but I feel that would hurt him even more, as if he'll think I was afraid to tell him. He was the first person I went to when I admitted to being depressed. I'm scared that if I wait until after I get a girlfriend, that I will hurt him, but I am scared of ruining our friendship. What should I do? ---------- Post added 13th Oct 2011 at 11:39 PM ---------- Oh yeah, I also sort of told my Mom already, I went over to her house after Dad and my siblings went to school, and had coffee with her, using the 'my friend came out' excuse to test her reaction, she looked startled, but took it positively and said no one should hide who they are, and everyone should be happy with who they really are - no matter who they are with... By the look on her face, I think she took the hint... I'm just worried about my Dad, I was thinking about going over while he was busy working on the truck or something? Or I can call him over and we could work on my card? Then casually drop him a hint? ---------- Post added 13th Oct 2011 at 11:41 PM ---------- wow... spelling errors. I meant when Dad goes to work, and my siblings to go school, and call Dad over to work on my Car, not card...
LOL - don't worry about spelling errors. I certainly don't. Welcome to EC! It's great that you've found this site - you have come to the right place! It's hard to say really. How homophobic is your dad? In what ways has he expressed it? There's 'rolling his eyes if you're watching Will and Grace' and there's 'getting out the shotgun if a gay guy approaches your house'. What we find is that people simply don't need to think too hard about this topic all the while they don't know anyone who is gay. So if your dad learned from someone as a kid that gays are creepy, and he's never known a gay person that forced him to challenge that way of thinking, then he's likely just held onto that attitude. But once someone knows someone (like their daughter) who is gay, it can dramatically change their attitude. It really depends on how deeply rooted and extreme his attitudes are. Presumably, if your mom is OK with it, and she's still married to your dad, then your dad is probably going to be OK with it too.
Thank you Jim, He doesn't seem to have any problems watching shows with gay characters on it, he watches 2.5 Men, but keeps saying 'No wonder Allan can't get a girl, he acts like a f*cking Faggot'. I haven't heard him say it in a while, but he used to say whenever hearing about a gay person that 'all fags should be shipped off to Alaska and Nuked' ... I know he's not serious when he says that, because he's one of those guys who's all bark... but it still worries me.
I can see how you're concerned--even if he's only jesting, that last thing he said is still pretty extreme. That said, considering all you've written, I agree with Jim in that your dad's homophobia may be a result of simple lack of exposure to real gay people and not a deep-seated hatred (since it doesn't appear that his homophobia is the angry or bitter kind), and that the challenge that your coming out will pose to his long-held feelings will eventually result in him coming around and accepting you.
