so, against my better judgment, i signed up for an online dating site. met someone that i seemed to hit it off with pretty well. after a while we were messaging on the site at least every morning just to say good morning, and then during the day as time allowed. and at night, we'd chat using the IM feature. then we started texting too, and talking on the phone. things seemed to be going well - she calls me cute pet names, and we kinda share a similar philosophy to life. there's a pretty big age gap between us, but so far age hasn't come up. so here's the issue: we started talking about actually meeting in person, and while she "would love to" it is becoming apparent that she just doesn't have time right now, and will not for the foreseeable future. all for very good reasons, mind you. one, is that she is extraordinarily busy at work right now, due to issues caused by hurricane irene. she hardly has any time off, and she'll work 15 or 17 hour days. the other thing is that her father is extremely ill and so she spends as much of her free time with him as possible. now that she's explicitly told me that her "personal life is on pause," i'm finding myself thinking that the time investment of texting/messaging/etc every day as we are doing simply isn't worth it. my life was on pause for the last four years while i was attending law school at night and working full-time during the day, and it just got UNpaused. i feel pretty crappy and insensitive and terrible for wanting to break off contact for circumstances totally beyond her control - but at the same time, i am trying my best to simplify my life, not complicate it. it would be one thing if we were in a relationship, but we're not. we haven't even met yet. and i find myself wanting to bail, even though i do care about her. my friends tell me this is reasonable, so why do i feel like a monster?
(*hug*) There is NOTHING wrong with you. This person just failed to let you know up front where her life was at this point before she chose to start messaging & chatting with you. It is totally not your fault that she wasn't honest about her intentions from the start, so as crappy as you feel, it's not your fault. It sucks when people do this to others, but this is kinda one of the perils of online dating. If you feel that breaking off contact is what's best & the healthiest for you, then do it. It's worse than to continue in an emotionally one-sided relationship. (*hug*)
I met my bf online, but I had the account for over a year. There were so many times I thought I was hitting it off with someone and we'd text and then it just stopped. People like to text flirt because its easy, but meeting someone in person like that can be awkward and stressful. It happened to me a lot, and there's nothing to be ashamed about, especially if she had a good excuse.
i guess i am also annoyed because i feel i wasted a lot of time, when she knew there was no way this could go anywhere. this site lets you choose a wide variety of descriptions for what you're looking for: talk/email, hangout, dating, relationship, actively seeking a relationship, long-term, etc. she has "actively seeking a relationship" selected. so i feel like that's kind of misleading since she knows she does not have time for that now, or anytime in the foreseeable future. no matter how good the reason, i'm still not interested in an online/text-based relationship
Nothing at all is wrong with you. I personally don't get much out of chats and don't bother using dating sites.. This can be very limiting!!!! But its a choice I have made. Its a big old world out there, and I think online dating is a big outlet for glbt people. Everyone likes to flirt and feel wanted, but at the end of the day a large % of it is garbage. For me, it is not worth the time spent looking for something.. dating sites are stressful in my opinion.. always checking up on them, maintaining them, advertising yourself and then the barrier of actually meeting - what a work out! And of course the hurt it causes where people live a grave distance away, or are busy.. You haven't been rejected, but I know it might feel that way. Just bury it and move on as best you can and you'll be fine in time!
well, i hadn't heard from her all day yesterday (we always talk every day), and this morning i texted her "good morning" and she apologized for being out of touch and said her dad was not doing so good, so she's been bedside with him. i'd feel like such a jerk taking off right now . . . but at the same time, i don't want to deal with this. i had a lot of craziness in my life up until a couple months ago, and i'm looking to simplify things, not make them more complicated :/
How about wait? Not tell her directly that your breaking up, but what you can do is ask her if she would like to 'take a break' to get her life in order, be there for her Dad, and everything, and then, say when everything settles down, you'll be there for her. That way, if she contacts you later, you know she really was interested? I'm not too good with dating though, so I don't know if that would help, but a good friend really likes her boyfriend, and school/work just got in the way, so they are taking a break and it seems to work.
