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It's a day to days struggle

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by piratealisonnn, Oct 15, 2011.

  1. Some days I am more accepting of my (sort of) unknown sexuality and other days I am more standoffish about it.

    Like today, it started out with me feeling okay about checking girls out and ended with me feeling like I am straight, should be straight, and do not want to like women.

    I'm just confusing myself more! D:
     
  2. Katt

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    I'm a texan[: No.. we don't ride horses to school.
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Hello dear!

    It sounds to me like you are in a bit of deinial. It's all part of the acceptance process, which is very normal. I'd say about 9 out of 10 people coming out are, at one point or another, unsure of thier sexuality. [:
    Now, you said you feel like you "should be straight". Whether this is because of religous or parental influences, I can assure you that being bisexual/lesbian is nothing to be ashamed of. It takes someone very brave to grow up in a world with homophobes and think to themselves "there is nothing wrong with me, something is wrong with the way they see me".
    You have plenty of time to figure all this out sweetheart. There is no expiration date on meaning, nor does hope ever go bad. With that said, don't worry too much about all the specifics of your preferences. The details will come on thier own. For now just think about this, if you fall in love with a girl, then you fall in love with a girl. Oh well. If you fall in love with a boy, then you fall in love with a boy. Oh well! The reason behind it doesn't have to matter all that much. What happens, happens.
    Good luck to you in your future endeavors of self discovery. Much love~
     
  3. Eleanor Rigby

    Full Member

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    Hi there (*hug*),
    I'm sorry you're feeling worried and confused. Sexuality can be very confusing, especially when you're discovering that you may not be 100% straight. That can be very scary.
    The first thing to do is to take a deep breath and allowing yourself that for now, you don't know where you stand, and that it's ok.
    Everybody is different. Some people are straight, some are gay, but every combining between those extremes do exist. Some people are straight but eventually attracted to the same sex from time to time, some people are gay but eventually attracted ti the opposite sex from time to time. Some people are bi but leaning to one gender more than to the other, and some bi people are attracted to both genders to the same extent.
    There's a lot of possibilities, all of them being completely ok.
    For now, you don't need to labeling yourself. You just have to relax and follow you're heart and you're instinct.
    There is nothing wrong in checking girls and next time you'll catch yourself doing it, take a deep breath and tell yourself that it's ok.
    I know the thought that you can be gay or bi is scary, but really, it doesn't have to be. It's not worse nor better to be gay or bi than it is to be straight, it's just different.
    I know there are loud homophobes out there and I can imagine how the single idea that you could have to deal with them one day can be scary. But there are also plenty of people who are open minded and wouldn't have any problem with you being something else than 100% straight.
    But the very first person you need acceptance from is yourself. So I think you should work on that first.
    I'm sure that sticking around EC can help you a lot with growing your self-acceptance. You can also check if there is a Pflag chapter in your area. Meeting people who will be perfectly ok with your sexuality, whatever it is, could be very helpful too. But there is no hurry if you don't feel ready yet to take that step :slight_smile: The only thing you have to do is to focus on the fact that it's ok to be who you are, not matter who you are may fall in love with.
    Here is a link to a Pflag booklet that you may want to look at. I hope it could be helpful.
    http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Publications/Be_Yourself.pdf

    Take care of yourself sweetheart, and if you feel like talking about it, feel free to Pm any of the advisors, anytime.
    (*hug*) Cécile
     
  4. Thank you to both of you!

    @Eleanor Rigby -- That pamphlet was very helpful :slight_smile: