Well, I don't know whether I lucked out or not, but there is a gay ball in town for halloween, and I invited a girl to it, and since she's from out of town, I even said that she could stay the night at my house. I was so excited, that I did not even care that my parents live across the street - and I am not out to them. Last night I realized that. I was having a girl come over, and my noisy parents are just across the street. I know they'll be asking who's over, and I was debating whether or not to call her my friend, but I believe that is disrespectful to her, and I hate lying to my parents. And even though this will be our first time meeting face to face, I like her. I decided then, that if she came down, I would come out to my parents first. Mostly out of respect for them, and respect for her. But then she said that when her Dad found out she was coming, he freaked out and would not let her go. I was disappointed, but now I can't help but think I dodged a bullet. She said we are going to reschedule our date, and come down later. I'm going to tell my best friend on Wednesday - I've already made up my mind on that. But, should I tell my parents now anyway, so they have time to cool off before she comes down, hold off until she makes a date to come down, or listen to the Help Line and wait until after she comes down? Should I go up there to meet her instead? The last thing I want to do, is screw this up by saying the wrong thing to someone. Any help?
First lesson of life: You have no control over the reactions of other people. I think talking to your best friend is a great idea, if you're pretty sure s/he'll be supportive, and if you're ready to be a little bit out of the closet. Once you've taken that step, perhaps you can talk to her/him about what to do with your parents. Obviously, I and the rest of EC don't really know your parents, so it would be beneficial to you if you could talk to someone who knows them better than we do. However, you must remember (as I said above) that you cannot control the reactions of other people. Personally, I support telling them before this girl comes down to stay with you, as I'm partial to the whole "the more time to get used to it, the better" mindset, but that might not be the best approach to take with your parents. Remember this, too: Don't come out to anyone before you are ready. Forcing yourself to come out of the closet when you are uncomfortable being out to the individual(s) you are coming out to is a great way to add a lot of unnecessary stress to your life. So, don't come out before you're ready. Good luck, and good health. Let us know how things go, or if you need more advice/help/congratulations/etc.
Thanks! I'm going to tell her wednesday... I had the PERFECT opportunity yesterday to tell my mom, but my Dad was there and they were drinking, so I didn't. My mom was telling my how she got in a fight with her mom, and that her mom does not talk to her, because she thinks 'my mom married below her' when she married my Dad, so after the fight, they started drinking and my mom was going on about, 'Parents should love their kids no matter what.' and 'Children always want the approval of their parents, even if they have to hide stuff.' and 'Marrying my Dad was the only thing she did without her mother's approval.' So I guess I may have dodged the bullet again last night? They were drunk ( and my mom is a happy drunk ), my mom was going on and on about acceptance, and love... yeah. Missed that chance, so I'm thinking about telling them before the conversation last night fades away. I think I also agree to tell them before she comes down, just out of respect. I hate lying, and would feel bad covering up why she is here. Its monday today, and I told my friend I have something important I wanted to talk to her about, and now she is pressuring me to know, so there is no going back now! Wish me luck!
I think its a good idea to talk to your friend first. Having one person to confide in that you can talk to face to face should help your confidence with coming out more before you go to your parents.
a hell of a lot better then I thought it would! She said she kind of guessed, and that it was ok, and that it doesn't change anything. Then we went out for subway and she complained about an exboyfriend, I complained about work, the usual. Nothing was different (!)
