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How to turn someone down without telling them you're gay?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by FloatingPiano, Oct 16, 2011.

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  1. FloatingPiano

    FloatingPiano
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    Hello, friends!

    So, I've been tipped off by a few of my friends that this guy I hang out with at school is gonna try and ask me out this week. I think he's a real good guy and all, but the fact is I'm a lesbian and just not into him that way.

    Now, I have only been friends with this guy for a couple of weeks, and even though we are pretty close, I just don't feel like I'm ready to tell him that I'm gay, because I don't really know how he stands on homosexuality yet. I think he'd be fine with it, but still. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Anyway, I was just wondering if you guys had any advice on how to politely turn him down without me telling him I'm gay.

    Any advice is appreciated. :slight_smile:
     
    #1 FloatingPiano, Oct 16, 2011
  2. Sethrowe

    Sethrowe
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    Hmm this one is tough... Personally even though I'm gay I would suggest taking an indirect method. Tell one of his friends you don't like him. Another way, which i do, is tell him your already talking to someone so he will completely take himself out of the equation. (Won't think he's not attractive enough, cool enough, stuff like that). Method two works with girls... Not sure about guys but that if what I would like to hear
     
    #2 Sethrowe, Oct 16, 2011
  3. Raeil

    Raeil
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    There's always the simple "Sorry, I'm flattered, but you're not quite my type," or the easy to use (and could be truthful, in this case) "Sorry, but I just don't think we have enough in common to go out with each other." Honestly, even though you two are friends, he doesn't really have a right to ask you for anything past that, and if he tries, just tell him you'd rather not discuss it (pull the few weeks card if you need to). Just be polite, but firm, and you should be fine. (Don't lead him on, though. That could bring trouble later.)
     
    #3 Raeil, Oct 16, 2011
  4. Z3ni

    Z3ni Guest

    Baby.. your hot.. but we can't mingle

    Or

    Sorry.. but I don't want to date at the moment, seriously.
     
    #4 Z3ni, Oct 16, 2011
  5. Lexington

    Lexington
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    "I'm sorry, but I'm just not interested in you in anything beyond the friend level."

    Lex
     
    #5 Lexington, Oct 16, 2011
  6. robclem21

    robclem21
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    This thread is prophetic. I read it yesterday and today this girl asked me out!!! I felt so bad saying no to her because I know she has been going through a tough time, but she does not know I'm gay (obviously). I told her I had too much school work right now, but I feel that just delayed her asking again in a few weeks. I will at least have some time to think this through and decide if I want to tell her or not.
     
    #6 robclem21, Oct 17, 2011
  7. coquelicot

    coquelicot
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    I'd just tell him what you wrote above. "I'm sorry. You're a good guy, but I'm just not into you that way." He can't argue with that. If there's no attraction, then there's no attraction. Who knows why some people have chemistry and others don't? You don't have to say it's because you're a lesbian. If a girl that you didn't find attractive asked you out, what would you say? Probably something similar, right? "I'm just not interested in you that way."
     
    #7 coquelicot, Oct 17, 2011
  8. FloatingPiano

    FloatingPiano
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    Hey guys! Thanks for all your wonderful advice. :grin:

    The guy asked me out today, and I just used the simple "You're a nice guy, but I'm just interested in being friends." :slight_smile: He took that fine and left it at that. :slight_smile:
     
    #8 FloatingPiano, Oct 17, 2011
  9. Lexington

    Lexington
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    Good to hear. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
    #9 Lexington, Oct 17, 2011
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