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Coming out via text?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BudderMC, Oct 17, 2011.

  1. BudderMC

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    Long time no post EC!

    So, there's good news, in that I'm now out to a grand total of two people, which I'm quite happy with. The first I had to write and leave a letter for, the second I told in person. I keep going through these periods of telling someone, then just basking in the content-ness of the situation for 5-6 weeks, then feeling the need to tell someone else. And I'm hitting that point where it's time to come out again.

    So far I've just been coming out to people not necessarily by who would be the best/most accepting/whatever choice, but pretty much just someone who I feel I want to tell next (following my gut instinct). My first two were housemates, which is great, but the next person I'm thinking of is not, and I don't see him often (maybe a handful of times in the last two months, and just in passing).

    Now, I know he'd be fine with it. I saw him again briefly today and he was even wearing ally pins and stuff (but that's beside the point). I want to tell him in person, since that seems to be the best way to do it, but since I don't see him often that's a lot easier said than done. I feel like the only other way to do it is via text, but I've always thought that was awkward (or Facebook, arguably more awkward).

    I've already asked the peeps I'm out to about how they'd feel about it, and the general consensus is that text is a painfully awkward and less than great idea. Given that it's awkward for me to come out regardless, I might as well pick whatever is best for the receiving end, and I've never been on the receiving end so I don't quite know what that is.

    So, this is where you guys come in. Does anyone have any insight on coming out over text? Experiences, good or bad? Or even alternatives that I can do without seeing him in person? Thanks, as always. :slight_smile:
     
  2. jake v

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    I wouldn't, if anything text him that you want to hang out or talk. I was going to text my one friend but I waited a few weeks and told him in person. It was well worth the wait, he told me congratulations and gave me a hug. I needed that more than getting a text back saying anything. If you are in a rush to tell someone, go tell someone you don't know. For the ones you care about, person to person is the way to go.
     
  3. Gallatin

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    Everybody I could tell in person, I have. Only the people who I couldn't see (they live several hours away in my hometown) did I tell through text or Facebook chat. It's not to say I had a bad experience coming out over text, but I prefer telling somebody face to face.
     
  4. Gerry

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    I've never told anyone through a text message. To me, it just doesn't seem very personal to me. I would rather write a letter than send a text message. Everyone's different and if you think text message would be the best choice to use I say go for it. But for me, there's nothing like telling someone in person or on the phone at least. :slight_smile:
     
  5. olides84

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    Why don't you text him now and say something like it was great to run into him yesterday, and you are hoping that the next time it happens you could talk about something personal for a few minutes. That'll get his interest up and set the stage for you to have the conversation somewhat soon.
     
  6. Kidd

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    I told a few people through texts. They said that they wished that I had told them in person, but at the time I didn't feel like I could manage that. I don't have any regrets. When you come out to someone, it isn't about them, and it isn't about what they want. It's about you, and your well-being. Do whatever you feel will be the easiest and the most comfortable for you, and everything else will just fall where it will.
     
    #6 Kidd, Oct 18, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 18, 2011
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  7. coquelicot

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    Oh, no, I wouldn't. Out of fear, I told a friend via instant chat (which is similar, but not the same) and she thought I was joking. Because of that, she responded with an offensive joke. In a way, I'm glad this misunderstanding occurred because now I know what she really thinks, but, if I had to do it again, I wouldn't. It's hard to convey tone in a text or chat. I don't think my now ex-friend understood how upset I was by her response because she couldn't see my face or hear my voice. It doesn't sound like your friend will respond negatively, but, with something like this, I think it's best to use a more personal method (a letter, if you can't talk in person) unless you want to convey that it's not a very big deal to you.
     
  8. Dykezz

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    One time I told a friend via text because at the time I just couldn't do it in person. She reacted great and then couple days later we met to talk about it some more. I don't regret doing it.
     
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  9. Vesper

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    I agree with everyone who has said that coming out through text messaging may be too informal. Your sexual orientation is not something trivial to which a text message can do justice. Calling, meeting up, or sending a letter are all better options.
     
  10. malachite

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    There is no right or wrong way to come out. You should do what is most comfortable to you. Though, if you do text I wouldn't just text "I'm gay" best to warm the person up first.
     
  11. Noahroxursox

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    Coming out by text is a bit awkward, but it's not really as bad as a lot of people make it out to be. Hell, the first person I came out to, I came out to by text. Sure, it was a bit awkward, but everything is great between us now, and we couldn't be closer.
     
  12. Lebowski45

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    Wow, I totally disagree with most people on here.

    I totally agree with Kidd, spot on.

    I told a few people through text. I couldn't face telling them in person, I found it hugely difficult to bring up, plus getting people on their own is tricky. I also hate seeing people's reactions. So, after trying and failing to tell people in person, I sent them a text. I then sent a group text where I casually broke the news. I regret nothing.

    Why? Because coming out is unique to everyone and its about YOU, not the person you're coming out to. For me, I just wanted to get it out the way and text was a great way of doing that without making things awkward. Conversations about it came up next time I met some of the people anyway (after they'd had time to digest the info). So what I'd say is, if you're comfortable with text go for it.

    It doesn't matter if you tell people in person, get someone else to do it, use msn, text, letters or smoke signals, all that matters is that you're doing it, and you should come out whichever way feels comfortable, there's no right or wrong.
     
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  13. ais5174

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    I plan to tell the people I wouldn't mind leaving in the past by text. I began with one person at a time and am now up to several dozen. It's an accelerating process, so be ready for that. Best of luck.
     
  14. 55

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    One thing my counselor cautioned me about regarding coming out via writing (text or paper) is that once you do, you lose control over who finds out - it's out there. If you want to come out on your own terms, face to face or voice to voice seems like a better choice. I know there's always a chance the ones you tell will spread the word, but at least there's nothing in print from you.

    I'm still thinking of writing as a way to "explain myself," but she got me thinking of the possible consequences.

    Good luck!