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I need to figure this out!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by DareToEatAPeach, Oct 20, 2011.

  1. DareToEatAPeach

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    Okay so it took me years to finally accept that I'm bi and now I'm totally cool with it. I've come out to all of my friends in uni and they're all cool with it. But now I'm questioning my sexuality again. I'm not sure if I'm bi or gay....

    A little while ago, I thought I had made the decision that I was gay, but then I would still sometimes notice girls. So I decided to tell people I'm bi instead. But on campus, I spend about 95% of my time looking at guys, but then BAM! I'm staring at a girl's chest and I think "Damn those are pretty nice".

    I just can't make up my mind whether or not that's sexual attraction, or whether I'm just being observant. I'm fairly sure all my friends have noticed that I only talk about guys, so they probably think I'm in denial or something. Does anyone else have experience like this?
     
  2. Hidinginalabama

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    Well its great to hear that you have at least come out to some friends. Thats a great first step.(!)It really doesnt mater if you are gay or bi. If you are ok with your self that is all that really maters. Dont worry if other people think your gay and not bi. Does it really mater what they think about weather you bi or gay. It only maters if you think it does. You are the only one that it maters to. Just try and be happy with who you are.:icon_bigg
     
  3. Jim1454

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    If you're only really interested in guys, then it could be that you're gay rather than bi. But as the poster above says, it doesn't really matter. I don't bisexual people are expected to check out guys exactly 50% of the time and girls the other 50%...

    I'm not sure that it matters whether or not you check out a woman's chest or not. What do you think when you're checking them out? "Wow, those are nice." or "Wow, those are nice and I'd like to bury my face between them."

    In the end, it doesn't really matter all that much. If you never end up dating another girl, and all of your relationships are with guys, you're not going to be called out on it. Your friends and family are going to just assume that you lean more to the 'gay' side of bi than the straight side of bi. Nobody is 100% one or the other anyway.
     
  4. DareToEatAPeach

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    I know that it doesn't matter either way, I would just like to figure it out for my own sake. I think there might be some attraction towards certain women, where I do actually become curious and have a more sexual approach towards them, but I don't know. I'll probably just figure this out with time and experience I guess.
     
  5. sokk

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    Sounds like you're a bi guy with a leaning towards men. Many bisexuals have leanings toward either sex. I'm bi, but I still prefer men more than women, but that doesn't make me straight, because I still like girls too.

    I guess my question to you is: are you fascinated with her breasts, or do you think she's hot, and her body turns you on? I guess that's the difference, and we can't answer that, only yourself can.

    But, as the posters above me have said.. does it matter what you are as long as you are comfortable with yourself? Isn't that the most important thing? Also.. sexuality is fluid, sometimes labels like gays or bisexual don't fit. It's nothing to be ashamed about, it's natural, we're all humans :slight_smile:

    Good luck coming out! You have made great process so far, and don't worry.. the other things will fall into place soon, I'm sure :wink:
     
  6. Silver Sparrow

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    Good luck. I am as well, trying to figure out who I am. I think I'm bi, but I'm not the one who matters right now.
    I think you're probably bi, but lean towards men. But does it really matter? Check out the Kinsey Scale, that has kind of helped me...
     
  7. Stonewall69

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    You know what dude? I think everybody is bi to an extent but most of them lean towards a particular sex. Some may like guys more than girls and vice versa. Now, it doesn't really matter does it because once you find the person you love, it makes no difference if that person is a girl or a guy. Just be with someone that makes you happy. That's all that matter. Don't feel the need to identify yourself. :slight_smile:

    You will, however, find out in the matter of time and experiences. Try exploring your options if you want to know it bad enough. Hitting on both sexes when the chance is right and see who intrigue you more. Should be pretty clear. I'm not telling you to go out and hookup with some random strangers though. Don't rush stuffs.

    Cheers mate.
     
  8. beckyg

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    What really matters is not whether you are bi or gay, it's who you fall in love with!
     
  9. J Snow

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    This. I think most self identifying straight or gay people (myself included) are at least to some degree bi. From the way you described it in your post, I would say you are probably bi to some degree with a sexual preference for men, which is for the most part how I feel too. I just say I'm gay though cause that's easier, because really human sexuality is too complicated to label anyway. Plus I like hanging out with girls and talking about guys and stuff, and I don't think that'd be that likely to happen if I said I was bi.

    Anyway, I wouldn't close yourself off to opportunities with either gender. Just follow your heart. Wow, that sounded cliche...
     

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