I just need to vent, and being in the closet makes it so hard to deal with stuff like this because I can't tell anyone in person about my situation. Sooo, I had a fun / hard night last night. Finally spent some time in a group with this girl who I have a huge crush on. Felt like we finally kind of clicked and moved more from acquaintances to friends. The thing is, I developed the crush on her before I really got to know her or knew what her relationship status or habits were, but nonetheless it's still there and going strong even as I find out stuff that is making this crush really hard. For instance...she supposedly has a relationship with this girl who lives an hour north. However they are kind of on the rocks, but still together. Meanwhile she hooks up with our mutual friend who lives here in town. Last night we were all hanging out and my crush went up to this friend and basically wrapped her in a full frontal bear hug. I felt kinda awkward, but just kept talking with them while they stood like that for 2-3 minutes. I mean it was obvious they were going to make out or hook up after me and our fourth friend left the house. Soooo, can someone please knock some sense into me? :bang: The heart does not listen to logic. I'd still like to be friends with them since they are some of my first gay friends but I need to nip this crush in the bud. Yes I feel pretty sad that my feelings are unrequited right now, but I don't want to string myself along with home that it could "work out someday." I tend to do that and it's not healthy. When I crush, I crush hard and it's hard to extract the feelings. They don't know I'm gay for sure, although I'm sure they suspect or have an inkling.
I don't really have any advice. What comes to mind is that you should stay on the ground floor. :icon_wink
I have some advice. Why the hell don't they know you're gay? Because the best way to get a girlfriend is to let people know you're on the market. Lex
It's a good question Lex, and the best answer I can give you is that I'm working on it I have a lot of fear issues with coming out...I was seeing a psych but it wasn't really working. I'm still kind of getting used to everything. This is really the first time I've ever hung out with lesbians. EVER. It's so foreign to me but I'm getting more comfortable every day. I mean, I don't know what to do...just march in and announce it? I'm trying to work up the courage to do it a bit more subtly...like maybe work it into conversation naturally or something.
Honestly, if your friends are all gay, I see no reason why they shouldn't be sure that you're gay. It should be a problem, nor do I see a reason why you shouldn't, just come right out & say to them Hey, I'm gay!' or something like that. Obviously you should only say something to them if you're comfortable saying something, but if thery're gay & you're gay, then it should be all good! As for your crush, I can sympathize with seeing someone you have a major crush on hooking up in front of you. If she really is supposedly dating someone 'up north' (althogh this sounds suspiciously like the old cover 'I have a girlfriend, but she lives in Canada' that I've heard used), & she's hooking up with another girl here, it sounds like she isn't that committed to the relationship. So first, you have to ask yourself, do you think you can be honest with her about how you feel about her? If so, go for it, & talk to her about your feelings for her. Second, ask yourself, if she is dating someone (even if the relationship is on the skids at the moment, bt not technically over), & she's hooking up with another girl behind her gf's back, then are you prepared to be with someone who is the type of person who treats her romantic relationships like that? It may very well end up being you who is either the gf who gets cheated on (& thus gets hurt, which sucks even worse than you feel now) OR are you prepared for her to treat you as just another hookup? While I know all to well that the heart wants what it wants, I'd also hate to see you get hurt by someone you clearly really want to be with. As for dealing with crushes (& I know this probably won't be something you want to hear), sometimes you just have to ride out the storm). Some crushes come & go, & they are super intense but fade just as quickly, & sometimes some crushes are more lasting because of a deeper connection that two people already have with each other. I'm not sure which one this is, but just be sure that what you feel is truly real & not just an intense, but transitory, flood of emotions that you get. Euphoric highs are cool when you're around someone, but sometimes it's just the feeling of coming down that makes everything seem so lousy. I really do hope that this is not that, because you seem to really care about her! Good luck sweetie & just remember, no one is worth hurting yourself over, ever, so please be safe! (*hug*) Hope I helped...
Thanks for the thoughtful reply kiersten...it's nice to at least talk about this on here, otherwise I'll go nuts. So...not ALL my friends are gay...these are friends I've really just met in the last month. So I'm new to the group. They're all pretty cool. My first gay friends. Hence the fact that I don't want to mess things up with them. My plan was to tell my closer gay guy friend first, get the first "coming out" out of the way, talk to him about it, (he has a PhD in psychology, so he's pretty insightful and smart and has been through this before), and then go from there. I need to break the ice. I'm getting cold feet. However, this love triangle between these girls is kind of nuts. It's like the L word. I know for a fact she's dating a girl up north. She is friends with the girl my crush hooked up with last night. I don't know all the details. Maybe they have an open relationship, but I doubt it. I just want to find some normal people hahaha. Well, I kid, these people are as normal as any other people out there, but maybe a bit more crazy than my other group of (straight) friends, which is surprisingly low key and drama free. So I'm not used to all the shenanigans. But the whole thing is ridiculous to me and of course my crush is in the middle of it. I have definitely considered whether or not anything is ever possible because I might never be able to trust her 100%. It just kind of sucks. And I don't think I'd want to do the "just a hookup" thing. I like her too much to just throw it away cheaply. So...either it's something legit or I'll just stay friends with her. I do really like her a lot. I don't think it's one of those transient crushes. I guess I'll have to wait and see.
