My three randomly assigned roommates (private apt at uni)are the most sexist, racist and especially homophobic people I've ever met. One of them even said they wished people could still go lynching after they saw Lil Wayne on TV. I have on multiple occasions heard them talk about how much they hate gay people. One of their oldest childhood friends came out as gay and they despise him now. They don't know that I'm bi. But the level of homophobia is nearly unbearable, I just wanna tell them I find those terms really offensive. I hear faggot all the time and all these terrible things about LGBT people. Aside from sleeping I probably limit my time in my own apt to like 4 hours a day and less if possible. They seem to like me for some reason and one of them even said to me, "what I love about this campus is that there isn't a LGBT group." There is one though, I go to the meetings and just about got seen there by my roommate once too. That kind of thing is really stressful. I'm so frustrated and distraught about it one part of me doesn't care that things could get real bad if I come out but there's another part of me that tells me to play it safe. Sorry for the long post but I don't know what to do and am stressed. Do I come out and risk verbal/physical harrassment or stay silent and half to live in fear all the time and listen to them bash people like me a lot?
change apartments if you can. fuck that game i cant deal with fucktards like that. id be fighting with them. true that (when you hang around with straight men like i do, you pick up on there ability to not back down from people that piss you off)
I hate to say it but in this kind of situation I would stay out of the spotlight. Physical violence and abuse is not something of the past, it is still present. If it actually gets to the point of fear for your safety talk to whomever you rent from and see if you can back out of the room. Did you bring this up at any of the meetings you attend?
If this is assigned apts thru your university, see if they can reassign you & explain to them why you're asking. If they really would like to avoid possible violence against a member of the student body, they'll take this seriuosly. If they don't, then see if someone in your uni's LGBT group can help & see if they can go about it discreetly. This seriously sounds like a big safety concern that the university should get involved in...
No I haven't talked about it yet at the meetings since there's only been like two but I'd like to, it just hasn't seemed like there was an appropriate time yet.
This is something to bring up as soon ad you can, you should never have to live in fear. Whoever heads your meetings try and talk to them as soon as you can.
It's a private apt complex so I don't know how accepting the complex manager would be. I really didn't want to live here either, my mom and dad made me.
Your info says you are out to your immediate family--are they aware of the situation with your roommates?
Yeah I've told my parents about it. I've been out to them for like 5 or 6 months but they aren't too supportive. My mom just said "that must be tough" and my dad told me about how he thought it wasn't a big deal and that I should just deal with it. they said they thought it would be a waste of money to move me out. It kinda hurts to hear that. I do know of some resources at the school that I could make use of if they do find out and things get bad. It just doesn't make it any easier to hear them make fun of and hate on the LGBT community. I don't want to flaunt my sexuality but I also don't want to have to be like some spy and hide my real identity all the time. And thank you everyone. The support and advice has been really awesome. It makes me feel so much better to know I can talk about things here and people will understand.
Seriously, I'd GTFO. The hassle and cost of moving out is less than the blow to your self-esteem, I think. Lex
You need to not live with these people. If you're worried your parents won't approve, tell them you don't feel safe. I seriously doubt they would want you to live somewhere that could potentially be dangerous.
I'd get reassigned to another apartment. Stuff the fact that it's a pain in the butt, just switch. These people seem like they are genuinely stupid and are going to make your life at Uni hellish. If the manager refuses to budge, tell your room mates you're bi an an attempt to then be able to tell the manager/university/whoever that you are at risk of being attacked, harassed etc. When you're at risk of being assaulted, they'll probably have some kind of legal responsibility to re-assign you.
I agree, gtfo right away, nothing is worth fearing for your well being. I'm sure your family would agree and help out with the process. You don't owe them any explanation just because they might like you. Just my opinion
Your personal safety should really come above all other considerations at this point, since it sounds like your roomies wouldn't hesitate to make your life hell if they get even the smallest hint that you're bi. I'd say try to get out of that situation as quickly and quietly as possible, and tell your parents that you may be in danger. Moving you out of a potentially dangerous situation is worth the costs of moving, and your parents should care about your safety above all.
