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How do I tell my twin?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Hidinginalabama, Oct 20, 2011.

  1. Hidinginalabama

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    Hey guys and girls

    Head's up this is a long one

    I'm looking for a little advice on how to come out to my twin brother. I have a date for when I'm going to tell my mom, dad, sister, and twin brother. I know how i want to tell my parents for the most part. I have a some what way I think its going to go. I know how I want to tell my sister. And I have a feeling she already knows. But I have now idea on how I'm going to tell my twin brother. I dont want to freak him out with what I'm going to tell him but I know its something that he will be thinking about for days if not weeks. I Think I want to start out my converstoin like. C ( my twin brother) I have something that I want to talk to you about. Something that I have known for many years but have not allowed myself to be ok with. C I'm gay. I guess at that point I really have nuthing else to say just let him talk or ask me what ever is on his mind. I guess I'm really worrying about the shit that his friends will give him about me being gay. I know his friends really dont like lgbt people. Why I dont know other than they live in the south and dont know much more than hate. I worry that he will not want to be around me because of me being gay. I worry about my brother thinking that i have lied to him because I didnt trust him. I have so many worrys about my brother and what he will think. Its only 23 days away from letting him know and I'm starting to loss some sleep over this.

    I have found many conversations and how to talk to parents about being gay. But I have not found one about telling your twin your gay. Does anyone know of a site or some thing on this site that will help me tell him. Something like questions he may ask. What is the % of twin that are both gay or if one is what is gay the % that the other is straight.

    If you know of anything that could help please let me know it would be really help full. And as soon as I tell my parents and the rest of my family I will post it on EC to let every one know how it went. And if you have read all of this thank you so much for taking all that time. Your the best.:icon_bigg
     
  2. Alex19

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    telling a twin shouldnt be much different than telling any other sibling. just tell them and brace yourself.
     
  3. Artemicion

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    First thought that came in mind was Alex19's advice but...i guess everyone is different and everyone places people in different "places" in their hearts...so here's my "advice":

    1. you're afraid of what your twin's friends will think after you tell your brother,
    2. you don't know what he's going to do/might avoid you after you tell him.
    3. you're worried that he'll think you lied to him

    From these three things i think #2 is probably more important to you? I'd say, ask yourself these questions: how is your relationship with your twin thus far? Is it close? or somewhat distant? Do you happen to know his preferences on LGBT people? Any idea if he has any knowledge of what being gay is like?

    I have a question for you. Does coming out to another family member seem easier? I'm guessing it's harder to come out to your twin because he is your twin? (i dont have a twin so i have no idea)

    As for % of that both could be gay, I remember it was quite high (from top of my head 66%? someone please double check...). But that still leaves the chance that he's straight or bi..or whatever he labels himself.

    I think there are some twins on EC. Maybe they'll show up and give you better advice than me...
     
  4. Chip

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    I can understand why this would be difficult. I don't think many people understand how special the relationship between twins, especially same-sex twins, is.

    From what I know of most twins, there's a level of acceptance and understanding that is greater than perhaps any other familial relationship, so my guess is your brother will probably be just fine with it. He might be shocked initially if there's been nothing to make him wonder, but my guess is he will be totally supportive.

    And like ThinksTooMuch, I think we have some EC members who have twins. So let's see if we get some responses from them, but if not, I have a friend who is a twin, whose brother is straight, and if you like, I can email him and see if he has any specific thoughts/suggestions for you.
     
  5. Hidinginalabama

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    Thanks guys for replying it helps. Chip it would really help if you could email your friend for me if no twins for EC put and advice on here. I'm really looking for some facts that I can give him that could make my brother feel better.

    Thanks again guys
     
  6. steel03

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    What I've heard is that if one identical twin is gay, there's a 50% chance the other will be, and naturally it's lower for fraternal twins. But it's higher for all twins than for regular siblings.
     
  7. Alex15

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    I have a twin, who will probably freak, but after a cooling down period he will realize he probably knew the whole time. Doesn't make it any easier though. I'm not sure when I'll come out to him but I'd like to hear how yours goes.
     
  8. Noir

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    Guess what? I also have a twin! She's awesome, special, and gets me in every way, but this is the first year I've ever felt...really different from my twin. I even cut my hair short and she likes hers really long. Most people think I did it just to be different from my sis, but mostly--I'm lesbian, and my sister is not (but I also cut my hair short cause I reeeeally wanted to try it, heh!~). I've found so many differences starting to fork in our personalities....she tends to always side with and react like our mom and I tend to think more like our dad. And whenever I talk to my sis about being lesbian, even though I know she loves and accepts me, it just feels really weird. It seems like she wants to understand and sympathize with me, but her brain can't always make the connection (just like when my mom gets so upset with me over something at school and I don't know what the heck I did wrong).

    I don't know if I'd say it's easy for either of us, it's a big change from the last two years and everything prior (I first started suspecting two years ago) but at least she can somewhat wrap her head around the concept. I don't have to be afraid of her for hating me. I don't think it's such a scary thing to come out to your twin, but remember that you're both your own people and it's just one more thing that makes you different as you grow into a knowledgeable, well-rounded individual. And I think if ANYONE, a twin of all people should be able to sympathize with you.(*hug*)
     
  9. sloaners

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    I also have a twin brother, and I was terrified to tell him..
    In the past few years he's changed a lot. He turned really religious and now wants to be a pastor. He's used to be so liberal. He was always so pro-choice and was always standing up for gay rights. That pretty much changed over the past few years.
    We're really close, I've always told him everything and before I told him our relationship was just odd. He could tell I was keeping him out on parts of my life and I just felt so distant.
    Basically I was just talking to him one day and I was like "I have to tell you something, but you can't tell the rest of the family yet..."
    Then I was like "I'm going on a date with a girl tonight.."
    And he was totally cool with it. He asked a lot of questions like how did I meet her and what were we going to do and if I was nervous and all this stuff.
    He was like "You know, Sloane if you wanted to come out as a big 'ol lez I wouldn't care" and we both started laughing. I explained to him why I was so nervous to tell him and he basically said he doesn't care, he loves me no matter what and thats what twins were for.

    I advise you to just tell him casually! He's your twin brother. Maybe since you're from the south he might be a little uncomfortable with the idea... but he'll come around. If your sister knows, maybe he has an idea too.
    Best of luck!
     
  10. EM68

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    I have a twin brother and I know exactly know how exactly who you feel. I was totally terrified of coming out to my twin. He was the last person in my immediate family that I came out to. He was very homophobic. It seemed like every time I saw him he would make some sort of remark or joke. I got to the point where I did not want to see him.

    I got to a the point in my life that I was comfortable with being gay. I was dating people and going on with my life and wanted to tell him. I could not verbalize that i was gay to him, so I emailed him. I called him up one day and we talked for a while, at the end I told him that I was going to email him something. The email was my coming out to him and in it I told him that when he was ready give me a call. About 15 minutes later he called back and we talked. He did not care, he just wanted me to be happy and he was starting to worry about me because all I talked to him was work.

    Fast forward 2 years, he is totally supportive of me. Doesn't treat me any differently and was right next to me when I got married in June. In a couple of weeks, my husband and I are going over to his place for the weekend.
     
  11. IsItSo

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    I have a twin brother as well, who happens not to be one of the "a few people" I'm out to. Your situation isn't a unique one.
     
  12. Hidinginalabama

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    Thanks every one for the advice and the storys of your twin. All of you guys and girls have made my mind feel a lot better about coming out to my brother. Thanks you so much for the replys they mean so much to me. Now only 22 days until it tell the rest of my family. I only hope he takes it as well has all of ya'll have.
     
  13. jamjras

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    Isn't there like a 75% chance of mutual sexuality in twins? I swear I read that somewhere
     
  14. Bran1977

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    I have two friends who are twins...they know how to have fun being twins...clothes and things they say...they get off pretending to be each other around ppl who can not tell them apart...we all laugh...they act gay but then say they are not...I wonder why they do it...when I asked them they would not tell me...I KNOW one of them mess around...I wonder if he told his brother? I am would never ask his brother....we were on the same basketball team so I know they look alike...lol
     
  15. Marlowe

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    I have a mixed relationship with my twin, so I have thought a bit about how I am going do this. The first thing is that as twins, more so than other siblings, you have a lot of shared history and life experience. Regardless of how close you are, do not discount how much this means. On the issue of him thinking that you lied because you didn't trust him, I would explain to him, maybe preemptively, that this was about you coming to accept yourself, and you weren't ready yet to come out. "It's me, not you."

    Best of luck to you. I am hoping to come about to my family a little later -- Thanksgiving -- so I will be curious how it goes.