To be brief, I came out as bisexual to two of my best friends last week. Annoyingly it wasn't face-to-face as the three of us are scattered across the country, so it was over Facebook chat. However, it still helped a great deal to get it off my chest, so to speak, and they were both hugely supportive and understanding. Naturally, that was nice. But now I don't know what to do, whether I should go about telling more people...but who? I dislike that there's so much uncertainty about bisexuality, in that annoying psychologist people analyse it to death and start stating that it doesn't exist, and generally give it a lot of stick, as if they find it difficult to understand, in their scientific way, that a person can favour both sexes. But that's beside the point: for me, it's something I've been carrying around for many years. Many years indeed. And, according to my 2 friends, I hid the 'queer' side of me very well. :O But this is the other thing: I'm at university, a place traditionally associated with new beginnings. I've never been in a relationship with anyone, male or female. I've never been kissed by either sex, that rite of passage that the West cherishes so much, nor have I had any kind of sexual experience whatsoever, with anyone, at all, which as I'm sure you can understand is more than mildly annoying. :dry: I just want to, as they say, 'get stuck in'. :icon_redf and love, as well...love is wonderful, though it's usually unrequited in my case...just anything, anything! But something like that is a bit more difficult to resolve, I think I was just ranting. I know my university has an LGBT society, but as usual I'm too terrified to join it...I have a mild case of social anxiety, if such a thing exists. Gaaaaaaah.
Social anxiety definitely exists, and if it's preventing you from living your life, you might want to consider getting treatment for it. (If you can't join the LGBT society because of social anxiety, then it is certainly interfering with your life; so, I would suggest that you either join the society, or recognize that it's time to seek treatment.) I've never been kissed either, and I'm 32. I don't know how old you are, but I suspect younger. See also here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/fun-games/6091-never-been-kissed.html
It does interfere, a little, but I'm not completely unsociable; it's just I'd feel a little nervous about joining the society in case my family finds out before I tell them, on Facebook and whatnot. I'd hate for them to find out because it says: 'Fuseli likes the (insert university name) LGBT society', or if I get tagged in pictures of their events. I am younger than that, certainly, and I know there's still plenty of time, it's just a little frustrating, and you sometimes wonder if there's something extremely unattractive about you. (Even though it's mainly the fault of Hollywood and their silly, sugary romantic films and films like American Pie that put so much emphasis on 'getting laid'.)
You don't have to like the group on Facebook to be part of it, do you? I mean, I go to my university's LGBT club but I don't like it on Facebook. Don't feel pressured to come out to more people. You've come out to your first few people, so congrats on that. There's nothing saying that now you must tell others! Take your time. Consider carefully who might be a good next choice. Don't rush it. In response to your other thread, if you don't have an issue with it, I might hold off on telling your roommates for a bit. I only say that because since you haven't known them for long, you don't want your sexuality to be all they think about when they see you. Perhaps getting to know each other more would be a good idea. My roommate told me when I came out to him that he was happy I didn't tell him when we first met, because he's not sure if we would've been such good friends. Not because he's against gay people (he's not), but because he probably would've looked at me and seen "gay" and not a lot else. I can empathize about coming out to your parents. Both of my parents are pretty open-minded and tolerant people, yet I was still completely afraid of telling them for a long, long time. Only come out to them when you feel ready. If you've still got to gather some courage, then take your time.
I can relate with your social anxiety and lack of romance. I've never been kissed and I've never had any sexual experiences either, and I'm 26. It's tough seeing people around us pairing up and getting married while knowing we've never gotten any "action". I didn't even visit my school's LGBT center until the last semester of graduate school. Relationship-wise, even though society and pop culture seem to have established some kind of expectation for us in terms of when we should get laid or kissed or whatever, ignore that and do these things in your own time. People are really fickle, and you know how people these days cycle through "flavors of the week" because they keep becoming bored with their existing boy/girlfriends. It's best to take a careful approach, and your reward will be a successful, long-term relationship. Find out your school's LGBT society offers one-to-one peer counseling. It's a great way to get some valuable advice and support without having to be around a huge number of unfamiliar people. Ease yourself into the group gradually. You don't have to like the page, and if you're afraid of other members tagging you in photos or notes, go to "How Tags Work" under "Privacy Settings" and turn on Tag and Profile Reviews. It's not foolproof, but at least you'll have some control over tags.
I'm keeping track of what the LGBT society is doing without actually liking the page (luckily it's public), and next time I see they're doing something major I'll email the person in charge, explain my situation and ask if I can join the society. The other problem lately is a guy who comes round to our flat quite often. He's nice and everything (he's straight by the way), but I think he suspects I'm 'not quite straight' because he keeps teasing me, asking me awkward questions like 'Do you want me to touch your "willy"?' (yes, he genuinely said 'willy') and generally implying that I'm gay. I know he's doing it in a jokey way, and I know straight guys jokingly act gay towards each other for some reason, but it's making me feel a bit uncomfortable. Especially when he once groped my backside, to put it bluntly. I suppose it's because I'm not laddish like him, and I don't speak openly about women, usually because my preferences for women would be unusual in his eyes (red hair, pale skin, thin, like something from a Pre-Raphaelite painting). Obviously I don't want to blurt out the truth in front of him and everyone else, but I don't want him to keep slyly inferring things and making me feel uncomfortable. And I know that if he really knew the truth he'd think twice about standing behind me and making suggestive movements. :/
Hi, great for you on coming out to your first few people. I think, when you are ready to tell him, tell the odd gay that you're bi. But take your time, and you could just tell him that it makes you uncomfortable. That *should* solve everything temporarily. Besides, who says you have to like your LGBT group?
