Hey everyone, .. I dont know how to start, but I feel so confused about my sexuality and dont know how to go it. I'm an 18 year old girl and feel so attracted to girls. Recently, I've been watching clips of the L word, and it feels so right to be looking at girls in that way. I've never been asked on a date or ever wanted to ask someone, I'm not into that because I know I'm way too shy and would always be worried about how to act or what impression I'm giving off. I not much of a girlie girl, I'm not into make up; when I look at a girl, my impression is never 'shes so gorgeus.. I wish I was her', rather its 'she's cute'. I dont get turned on by girls stipping off - or guys- but attracted to the romantic side, where it gets sensual. Sex doesnt appeal to me much either; I like getting to know a girl and I'm attracting to how shes acts or the way she laughs or her smile.. sorry if this sounds lame... !! I am into guys, like I'd look at them and think ooh hes gorgeus or he's fit.. but would never imagine wanting to kiss him or date him. I used to fantasise about guys but this past year, I've been more into girls and since I started going to a girls' school, there are some girls are are pretty and make me laugh. Theres one girl in particular that I met as an online friend ansshes bi; I'm into her/ Problem is shes not into me. Yesterday, I talked to her online and we were having a laugh on webcam, but shes not into me. I told her I think I might fancy her, but told me shes not into with in that way and says we'r best when friends -nothing more; my heart dropped because we were saying we should meet up as we live relatively close and now I dont think that'll happen. She also said, she doesnt want to hurt me or break my heart.. I cant help but think she's already done that. You might think shes a cow, but I understand where shes coming from. She has a particular taste in girls, and I'm not the right girl for her. I wouldnt be able to do anything even if she was into me, because my family wouldnt allow it as they're always putting down people that are Bi's or or gay.. or lesbians. My friends might also think I'm a little strange because I've never kissed a girl or guy, so how could I tell kind of thing.. :-/ I feel confused because it feels right to me when I think of girls and I can imagine kissing them and getting close to them. It makes my heart race. When I think of guys, I dont get the same feeling. I dont know what to do about these feelings; yesterday I couldnt stop crying because I cant talk to anyone and the only girl that got me, was the one online, but she's gone off me. And my family wouldnt undertand; nor my friends because they've never been into relationships. I feel alone, and can't think of anyone that relates to me. Ah! I wrote an essay!! ^^ :eek: Sorry, I didnt realise I was rambling on so much ...!! Thanks everyone for you're comments. Really appreciated xx
Hey I think you sound a lot like me actually just younger. I went through most of my teenage years thinking that I didnt date guys or ask guys out or attract attention because I was shy. I didnt realise I liked girls. I thought I was straight like all my friends, I never looked at girls and thought she is hot I want to kiss her etc. I looked at guys and I could always tell which ones I found more attractive but I always used to look at them and wonder what my friends saw in them and when I might feel how they do. I never went out with or kissed a guy, I went through college and then got a job, and then I was watching tv one night and started watching the series Sugar Rush and I watched a few episodes and then started thinking to myself hmm I think I like this way more than I am supposed to. I then proceded to procrastinate for a few years, I didnt really try and make myself straight as much as I just didnt know what to do about it, eventually after watching episodes of the L word and stuff I joined EC, sorted my head out a bit, came out to some people found a girlfriend and the rest is pretty much history. So I have also written an essay. I know how you feel and so will several other people here, dont worry you are never alone.
