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how do i tell her i have feelings for her? she is a straight girl and i am bi...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BettyBoopGuido, Oct 23, 2011.

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  1. BettyBoopGuido

    BettyBoopGuido
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    hi all,
    i am bi and realizing that i have had feelings for my straight best friend kelsey for about 3 or so years and while she knows i am not straight, she doesn't know how i feel and have felt about her... she is the girl who first made me realize that i am anything but straight and i have had dreams about kissing her and generally making out with her. i live in florida and she in wisconsin and we text back and forth pretty much but i don't feel comfortable telling her over text and don't know how she would take it.. we had 2 years when we weren't talking and lately i have realized i still have feelings for her and would love to live with her and have her as my girlfriend... then i realize it probably wouldn't happen because as far as i know she is straight...

    i haven't told her that i am bi because i am afraid the feelings i have for her would come out and i am not wanting to do it over the phone...i did try to tell her once and then i chickened out... i'm looking for any advice cause it has been on my mind alot lately....
     
    #1 BettyBoopGuido, Oct 23, 2011
  2. MommaFrog

    MommaFrog
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    Im in almost the same situation. I live in mine and my best friends hometown, she lives 6 hours away in the pan handle...

    I think you should at least tell her you are attracted to women, then maybe hit around your feelings here and there.
     
    #2 MommaFrog, Oct 23, 2011
  3. Ianthe

    Ianthe
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    Well, first just come out to her. If she isn't straight, that will make the most difference in her feeling comfortable enough to tell you.

    But she's probably straight, since you think she is. So it isn't very likely that she will be interested.

    Unless she's really homophobic, it's probably your response to the situation, rather than hers, that will determine whether your friendship can survive you telling her about your feelings. Like, if she isn't interested, but you just move on and continue your friendship, it will be fine; but if you are too upset to let go of it, and can't interact with her without it being a big deal, then it might seriously damage your friendship.

    Actually, your best bet is to let her know that you are interested in her, but not that it's a huge big deal, at least as a first step. For example, "You know, I've always had kind of a crush on you," would probably be okay. "I'm madly in love with you and I'll die if we can't be together," on the other hand, would almost certainly be a disaster.

    I'm a little confused though. You said she knows you aren't straight, but then you said you haven't told her you are bi. So, does she know, or not?
     
    #3 Ianthe, Oct 23, 2011
  4. BettyBoopGuido

    BettyBoopGuido
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    hm... i like that and i was thinking of telling her that when i first started questioning, it was when we were in choir together and i had a crush on someone in our class and go from there...it is true i liked someone in our class...HER!!...

    ---------- Post added 23rd Oct 2011 at 06:45 PM ----------
    to clarify,
    i came out to her as a lesbian awhile back and she was cool with it... i just haven't told her i am leaning towards being bi now- this is after even more questioning and realizing that i like both guys and girls and could see me with either.. or both.... that was after a 2 year period when we weren't talking after we had a huge fight and she moved.... i do like the example you gave of telling her i have kinda had a crush on her... she is pretty accepting so i dont see it being a major issue... it's just the idea of telling her...
     
    #4 BettyBoopGuido, Oct 23, 2011
  5. Lexington

    Lexington
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    I honestly don't see anything to be gained by telling her, unless you really think something will result from it. And your post seems to suggest nothing will. I think you'd be better served looking for somebody who WILL be interested in you. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
    #5 Lexington, Oct 23, 2011
  6. midwestgirl89

    midwestgirl89
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    Has she ever said anything about being bi-sexual or lesbian to you? Or has she ever said she has liked a girl?
     
    #6 midwestgirl89, Oct 24, 2011
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