Hello! This is my first post here so im kinda new to this. Okay so I'm hopelessly in love with one of my good friends. It started off a few months ago as a harmless little crush, but now it's pretty much a full blown obsession. He's just soooo adorable and charming and nice and what not. The worst part is, all the girls are all over him. I feel so selfish feeling this way, but honestly I get really sad whenever I see girls flirting with him which is pretty much all the time. I'm pretty sure he's straight, but I'm in denial about this. I just want for him to be gay and into me soooo much that I've lied to myself that maybe he likes me and it's just not good. I don't know what to do. I kinda want to get over him because I don't want to feel like this and right now I don't even feel like I'm being his friend, but part of me also doesn't want to get over him. Part of me likes hanging onto this hopeless crush. Idk. Somehow to me, this crush is safer and maybe more special than a real relationship. And he makes things so hard for me without realizing it. Like he says things to me that only fuel my fantasies of us being together and let me lie to myself more that maybe he's gay. Sometimes he'll say "I love you" to me, but I know he doesn't mean it in the way I wish he would or other times I'll see girls flirting with him and I'll say "What a ladies man" and he'll say something like "pshhh you're the only one for me." He like jokingly flirts with me and I can't stand it. And I'm not sure if he knows I'm gay or not. I'm out to some of my friends and I think one of them may have told him but I'm not 100% sure, but he'll say things to me that sometimes lead me to think he knows that I'm gay. Other times I think this whole thing is in my head. Should I talk to him about this? Is it okay to be like this? What should I do?
Welcome to EC! The smartest move is to make sure that he knows about you. Go ahead and come out to him. You don't have to make a grand pronouncement or anything, but if he says something like "You're the only one for me", you can counter with "Well, that's a dangerous thing to say to someone gay like me. " Say it with a smile, keep it light, and chances are he'll play it cool, as well. OK, so say you do that, and he's still giving you some minor signs here and there. Then you should feel comfortable saying something like this. "OK, I just want to check something real quick. You occasionally say things like (example) and (example). I just assume it's you joking around, and that's totally fine. But I just wanted to make sure I'm not missing something. You ARE straight, right?" Chances are pretty good he'll say yeah, he's straight. In which case you say, "OK, that's cool. You can totally keep doing it, but I just didn't want to misread anything." Of course, if he DOES say he's not 100% straight...well, you can take it from there. Lex
I got to agree with Lex two. Let him know about you and see what he says. Who knows it could work out just like you want.
Coming out to him will make your relationship with him a little more real, and a little less fantasy - which you're thriving on in your head. Regardless of how he reacts you'll have a healthier relationship with him than you have right now.
I agree with all of the above. I went through the same thing you did, and the result did not end very well. If you are sure he's a good and trustworthy friend, then come out to him.
I hope coming out to him will make things better. I'm just not sure how to do it casually. I'm not ready to come out to everyone yet (maybe in a year or so... it's a longish story) but idk. What are some ways for me to come out to him but act like its no big deal and be really casual about it. I don't want to make things awkward between us or make a big deal out of it. And thanks everyone for all of your advice ^_^
