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She says she's straight...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by amadore, Oct 23, 2011.

  1. amadore

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    Hello! I'm new to this site, in fact this is my first ever post! I signed up because I have a dilemma concerning a girl, and don't know where else to look for advice.

    I have a friend, lets call her E. She claims to be straight. I had a crush on her since the first time I met her, and my feelings only grew stronger with time. Lucky for me, her and I would inevitably end up making out with each other every time we went out. She claimed to just be having fun, drinking and joking around (we were both drunk when this would happen) and I pretty much was just happy to be kissing her at all. She did not know (and still does not know, I think) that I'm bisexual.

    Anyway I finally figured, what the heck, I'm just going to ask her out on a date already. So I did, and to my surprise she said yes! She even said that she had been developing feelings for me too, although unwillingly. Regardless, I was on the moon to say the least.

    So we went out, had a great date, I was ecstatic. Right at the end though, she told me, and I quote, "I'm sorry, you're an amazing person, but I just can't see myself ever being with a girl. If I ever was to want a girlfriend, you'd be the first on the list, but I honestly can't see myself sleeping with another girl."

    I tried to play it cool, pretty much said "yeah me neither" (which was a lie), and we haven't really hung out since. I'm hanging out with her this week, though, "just as friends". The thing is, I really thought I had gotten over her, but now I'm being flooded with these feelings again. I guess they never went away.

    Sorry for the monologue, but I really don't know what to do. I want to be with her, but she says she's straight... but is she? What should I do, how do I play my cards without screwing things up? Thanks to all...
     
  2. Hayden

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    I wouldn't pressure her. I know it sucks but give her time to figure herself out. In the meantime, just be her friend and be there for her. If she is bi or gay or whatever, she'll come to terms with it eventually and it sounds like she really likes you. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Lexington

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    Welcome to EC!

    Well, you've already tried the "push her forward" routine. (Not intentionally, but still.) So I wouldn't go that route again. You might simply try leveling with her. Not necessarily about mooning over her, but about your sexuality. Tell her you're bisexual, and you're working on coming out to people, and wondering about how things will go as it goes along. That at least removes the "pretending I'm straight" bit of deception. :slight_smile: It may be that that's as far as it goes, though. She might be straight, or she might be bi and unwilling to move beyond a line. And if either of those is the case, it's best to simply accept it and look elsewhere, as tough as that might be.

    Lex
     
  4. midwestgirl89

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    Yeah, like Lexington said I think the best next move would be to tell her you're bisexual. She might not be ready to deal with her sexuality or she might really be straight. Either way, telling her you are bisexual will let her know that you're not straight. And if she develops feelings for you in the future it would be less scary for her to talk to you about it.

    I think it'd be good to open yourself up to the possibility of finding another girl. It might be good for your own well-being if you distance yourself from her a bit if the feelings become overwhelming.

    For now you could try to be her friend and see where things go.
     
  5. amadore

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    Thanks for your advice, it's what I'll do. I just have such a hard time accepting that she's straight even though she most likely is. I mean we had CHEMISTRY, not unrequited interest, but real chemistry that you could cut with a knife and see from a mile away. And she's told me some of the nicest things anyone's ever told me. And she has fun with me and I'd be good to her.It doesn't make sense, it just makes me sad.
     
  6. Ianthe

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    I think you're best off being reasonably honest. It doesn't seem possible that your sexuality will come as any real shock at this point. And I think it's probably best if you let her know that you are still interested in her, too--not to pressure her, but just so she knows.

    I mean, you wouldn't want her to think you aren't really interested, right? Which, as it stands, she might. Don't make a big deal of it, but just give kind of an open invitation, in case she changes her mind.
     
  7. MommaFrog

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    I think you should talk to her, maybe a group of friends that includes her, about YOUR sexuality... then go from there. Let her digest that you are bisexual, and go from there.