1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How to get along with my boyfriend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by downward, Oct 24, 2011.

  1. downward

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2011
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I met my boyfriend on the internet and we haven't met in person yet. First we stated to chat with each other on March of this year. Then he told me he loves me and we started a relationship. And for sure, I love him. We are in a long-distance relationship and it's kinda difficult to deal with it.
    My question is what should we do to keep our relationship a long-term one. I try to talk to him from time to time. But rarely does he talkes to me first. For most of the time, it is me sending him messages. Although he tells me he loves me a lot, it still makes me wonder that is there any problem between us? I know many couple try to talk with each other every day and watch movies and what not.

    So, I want to ask how to deal with this kind of relationship.
     
  2. MommaFrog

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2011
    Messages:
    260
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lake City, Fl
    I wish I had advice, I don't, just wanted to say best of luck and all else fails, you can vent to me in a private message if you like!
     
  3. VentinIntrovert

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2010
    Messages:
    138
    Likes Received:
    0
    Don't over think it. He could just be busy, or does so to feel like he's not desperate. I'll admit, I've done that before too. Just communicate and see what's going on, on his side.
     
  4. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    In many ways, relationships like this end up being "placeholders". You got to experience the whole "caring for somebody" and "being attracted/turned on by somebody" and "sharing experiences" thing that relationships provide. But when a real-life potential comes along, it's not uncommon to see these relationships drop away completely. Because while online relationships can be a very good facsimile of the real thing...it doesn't change the fact that they ARE facsimiles. And once the real thing comes along, they often pale in comparison.

    This isn't to say that your guy is definitely looking elsewhere. But unless the distance isn't that great, and you can meet in person soon, and maybe do that on a regular basis, this will always be a major pitfall of the relationship.

    Lex
     
  5. Hayden

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2011
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I'm in a long distance relationship, and the best piece of advice I can offer is COMMUNICATE! If you feel that he's not talking to you enough, let him know. He could have simply not known, or their could be something else and it will open the doors for you guys to grow closer in your relationship. :slight_smile:
     
  6. downward

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2011
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I told him I wanted to talk from time to time. But I don't want to make it like an order and make him think it a must to talk to me. I don't want to give him too much pressure. So i didn't really talk about it with him. I'm just thinking about how to talk about this with him.
     
  7. Filip

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2009
    Messages:
    2,355
    Likes Received:
    105
    Location:
    Belgium, EU
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Maybe it might be best to wonder what you used to talk about when you were still talking more regularly? What got you talking originally? What are your common interests? Can you get back to that?

    Even in relationships that aren't long-distance, most of the talk is still about common stuff. How your day was, what's keeping you busy, cool stuff you noticed and think the other guy might think is cool too...

    If you can't find commonality on that, or find a way to make conversations flow more or less easily, then the tough message might be that there's not much to cling on to. No matter how much you try to fill the gap by telling "I love you" or by talking about how you should talk more. There's no shame in that. Sometimes you can run out of things to talk with some people and discover the initial click was only skin-deep.


    As for how to tell him this, I do think it's best to be just to be a bit more direct: Something like "hey! I do like having you as a boyfriend, but I'm feeling like we so rarely just sit down nd chat to each other anymore. And to me, that's actually a pretty big part of actually making this work. Do you think it would be possible to take a bit more time with each other?"
    That's no threat or pressure, really. Just a statement of fact. And it might get a clearer result than avoiding the topic and letting the frustration pent up.
     
  8. downward

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2011
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I'm just afraid of telling the fact. And he didn't reply to every message i sent him which made me wonder that whether i bored him.
     
  9. Filip

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2009
    Messages:
    2,355
    Likes Received:
    105
    Location:
    Belgium, EU
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well, what precisely are you afraid of? If he's the kind of guy that breaks up with you just for expressing your worries... then he's not really a guy you want to cling on to.

    And if you don't tell him... then it isn't reasonable to expect him to change (from his point of view, the current setup apparently works). Which can only lead to more frustration on your end. It's better to tell now than wait until it becomes too much and you lash out in anger.


    As for replying to messages... some people just aren't big on replying to every message. How often do you message him? And what do you generally message him about?
    Or maybe getting back to my original question: what made you realise you liked him, other than him asking you to be his boyfriend?
     
  10. downward

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2011
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Well, I'm afraid that he feels pressured to talk more with me, which makes both of us uncomfortable.

    I message him every other day. We just talk about stuff like school, people, etc. Sometimes I'll ask him something about politics, which he is good at.
    Well, in my eyes, he has a sense of humour and an opinion on almost everything. He is smart and nice and a companion for me. He is frank although he says some sweet words. He is the first person i have a feeling for but this is not the reason i love him.