So this weekend was very intense. Lateley Ive been wantinn to come out, but not knowing how and stuff. This weekend I came out to my best friend while I was drunk. It felt so wrong, I "partially" came back in the next day telling her I was bi. But the problem is she went to my house (cause I had a party) and talked to my sister. Everyone knows she likes me as more than a friend. But what happened is she started talking randomly about gays to my sister, and about if she had a friend that was gay she would support him. And now my sister is going crazy!! she has been talking about it all the time, and asked me if I would tell her if I was gay. She says she has a sixth sense and she feels something weird is going on but doesnt know what it is. I dont want to come out anymore cause I thought I was ready, but now I discovered Im not. Do you really think she is on to me?? I literally dont want to be gay with my family. Also my mom has been talking alot about me not liking any girl right now and stuff. Also she´s been going on and on about how gays arent born like that, they think they are but its not normal. Im terrified right now, cause if I wanted to come out in the past days, I dont anymore. I just want to find a guy and be with him in secret. Please help, I am not liking this at all!! :help:
Let me tell you right up front that finding that guy and being with him "in secret" is not a long term plan. It might sound like a good idea for now, but it will not be your long term preference. Trust me. In the mean time, coming out needs to be on your own schedule. Don't come out before you're ready. Having said that, part of you must be ready for you to have told this person while you were drunk. So what's up with that? It sounds like your sister is also cool with the idea, and is sensing that something is going on, so do you think you could tell her and have her keep it to herself - i.e. not tell your mom? The other thing with your mom is that people sometimes have these ideas about gay people because they don't actually know any gay people. And their preconceived notions about what gay people are like are often broken when they realize someone they know and love is gay. There are resources that you can provide to your parents (PFLAG) to educate them about what being gay is about. You're certainly not alone in having parents who don't seem to get it right away. But odds are that they will come around eventually. Being terrified is OK. We've all been there. But it will pass. Eventually, the fear of staying in the closet forever outweighs the fear of coming out - and that's when you'll do it.
Come out in your time as Jim said. But no matter what, even if you find someone....you are not going to be able to keep up a long term relationship with a guy in secret. It will eat at you until either you break up with the guy or it will eat at him and eventually he'll break up with you. I know it's a nice thought, but having a secret life with a guy will NEVER work. Maybe it'd work now, maybe even in a couple years..but when you're 30? 40? 50? Your parents will wonder why you aren't seeing a woman, why you don't have kids (unless you've said u don't want kids but none the less), etc...I'm sorry but with having a secret relationship with any guy? You have to know, it won't work.
As someone who's very close with her family, trust me when I say that family members often know more about you than you give them credit for. They get hunches and have feelings and often "just kind of know" things deep down inside. Not always, but often. With that being said, if you were to tell your sister that you're gay, she might actually be like "Hah I knew it!" and not actually care at all. And I agree with Jim... people often have prejudices, but people (ie, your mother) can also be quick to drop those prejudices once they involve someone they love (ie, you). When my sister came out to my mom many years ago (she was fifteen at the time), my mom cried for days, but life remained more or less the same. My sister's girlfriend at the time, however, was not so lucky and got kicked out of her house when she came out to her family. To everyone's surprise, my mom actually invited her to come live with us, which she did until her parents cooled off. I guess what I'm trying to say is that no, my mom did not want my sister to be gay, but when push came to shove, she loved her too much to not be supportive during such a crucial part of her life. Hopefully your mother will have the same mentality. Anything can happen, but the truth will have to come out eventually. With that being said, you should feel secure and strong enough to deal with other people's reactions, good or bad. If you do not feel strong enough right now, then maybe now is not the best time to come out. You can, however, try hinting at your sexuality, so people aren't as shocked when you do come out. Sounds to me though that people already have a bit of an idea. Good luck and know that you are who you are, and people do love you at the end of the day.
