Words Unspoken, Feelings broken

So I came out to 5 people..only problem is that they all live in another state, I met them on a game, and they are all also gay. I just felt I should tell someone It has nothing to do with anything I'm posting. (also I told them after my last post because everyone was very helpful on here and i thought it was time. + I wanted to talk about my crush issues and blah blah)

Lately I've been telling myself that I'm going to tell my close friends what I am. I know they will understand because every one of them is 100% supportive of homosexuality. My only problem is that I can't get them alone, the time never feels right and I can't exactly say "I am gay" to them, those three words feel like poison on my tongue. I feel like I can only say "I'm not straight" or "I'm into guys". The whole situation is frustrating me to the max and I feel I'm going to Implode. Sometimes I feel like I should just give up on telling them and forget about my crush and just stay alone forever, after all I feel I'll never be able to tell my family. I'm not brave enough. This is problem #1.

Here is #2.
So as you read at the top, I have a crush who is gay and out and I'm not. I've been getting mixed signals from him, in my last post I described it as he was trying to get close to me and I accepted, and now I'm not sure whats happening. He will flat out insult me in front of people and the tone of his voice is so harsh I can't tell if it's a joke. Then a bit later it feels like I'm getting all the signs that he likes me too. I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough for him and I feel I should just forget about him and move on.

and #3, don't worry people last one! and it's short!
So I traced back to when I first started to have a crush on him and I found out it only started when I found out he was gay too. Does this mean I only like him because he is gay and nothing else?
I'm a mess