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I need opinions on this as soon as possible..

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ThisGhostOfYou, Oct 24, 2011.

  1. ThisGhostOfYou

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    I'll be as straight forward as I possibly can in this to avoid any weird misunderstanding that blabbering can lead to.

    My boyfriend has really been trying to get me to come out to my mother - but it's for good reason. We've been together in completely secrecy for almost two years now (secrecy including a few of our mutual friends knowing) and our relationship is starting to get pretty serious.
    He's openly gay, I on the other hand am not. He's concerned that if something was to happen my mother would raise the question herself, or if even worse she walked in on something and knew and flipped out before I could come up with the courage to tell her myself.

    I'm kinda stuck in a rut here. Even if I was to come out to her I'd be afraid of her reaction and I wouldn't know how to do it.
     
  2. stilllovelyafte

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    What's your mom like? Is she generally an accepting/understanding person? Are you close? Do you (or did you prior to this relationship) have a pretty open relationship?
    From stories I've heard/read, often times mothers have a sense about these things.
     
  3. suninthesky

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    It might be stressful for your boyfriend to be hidden around people who might know your mom (if he has to) since he made the choice to be open already. It might feel like regressing or something? I wouldn't really know though. Good luck
     
  4. ThisGhostOfYou

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    Honestly she's not that accepting. She flipped out when she found out my boyfriend (who she thinks is just my friend/study lab partner) is open about his sexuality.
    As for our relationship we're not super close but we've been pretty close in the past. It only kinda changed when I decided to go to a public school for high school instead of her homeschooling me.
     
  5. Daisy1

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    Do you think you'd feel better if she knew?
     
  6. ThisGhostOfYou

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    Truthfully, not really. I have the fear it'll destroy our relationship eventually. Yet, I feel like it'd take some of the stress off me and my boyfriend which I know is what he wants.
     
  7. ThisGhostOfYou

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    I know for a fact it's stressful for him to keep this all a secret. He's one of those kinds of people who want to prove everyone wrong. Especially since our school is extremely...homophobic you'd say. They all believe that there's no love in gay relationships. He's determined to prove them wrong, I am too, I'm just terrified of reactions.
     
  8. Gallatin

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    Okay, well what you need to remember is that you should come out only when you're truly ready, not because your boyfriend really wants you to. He may mean well, but if you're not ready to tell your mother, then don't. One of the worst things you can do is come out before you're ready. If he really cares about you, then he won't keep pressuring you to come out to anyone before you're ready.

    If you really do want to come out to your mom, then you should. But only because you want to. If not, then don't rush it.
     
  9. Hidinginalabama

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    I under stand why your boyfriend wants you to come out but alex is right its up to you. If you feel like the time is right then tell her. If not then keep waiting for the right time. Just remember what ever you do that things will get better in time.
     
  10. Ianthe

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    I don't want to freak you out, but at sixteen, you have to still worry about safety issues regarding coming out to you parents. If you think your mom might possibly kick you out of the house, or send you to "ex-gay" camp, or anything like that, you should definitely not come out to her. You might need to wait until you can support yourself on your own.

    (Incidentally, every time I give this advice, it makes me sick. I mean I literally feel sick to my stomach. I can't believe I live in a world where some people would throw their own children out into the streets to starve because of who they fall in love with. It's not normally in my nature to advise people to lie, and I really kind of resent having to.)

    But your boyfriend is lucky that he was able to come out so young. Not everyone can do so safely. Remind him that you are still a minor, and your mother still has significant power over your life.

    Come out when you feel ready and it is safe to do so.