so on friday night my ex-gf (we're still friends) and i went to a uni function together, and then i slept over, it was casual and watever and we were in her room watching "Loving Annabelle" together, it was dark and we were sitting on a mattress together. out of the blue she was like "kiss me", i literally didnt even think about it, i just leaned over and kissed her, but it became so much more, next thing we know, im lying on top of her with my hand up her shirt pushing myself against her. This was the most phsical ive ever been with a girl. Maybe i should rewind a bit, we dated for 9.5months this year, we broke up in September, but through that whole time, we had never kissed, i have some "intimacy" issues because of my parents/my childhood experiences. And she was cool with me being like that, we broke up coz of other ppl getting in between us, and we lost sight of each other. going back to friday, after this "love rush" we had,i thought we would be getting back together, but she was like "its wrong" who does that?? yeah ok so wer not the ideal couple (she's Muslim, im christian but both our parents are homophobic). but we dated before and it worked out fine. and now we've barely spoken about it since it happened, and i tried to reason with her but she kept saying "Its wrong" what happens now?? any thoughts...
It sounds like she's having some issues with herself. Maybe she's in a not so great place with her parents or something along those lines. Give her a little space, don't push her. Try to hang out some more "as friends" and see if something similar happens again, if it does, before you start, say something along the lines of "Do you mean this, want this, or no?"
I couldn't have put it better myself. I know it must be frustrating and heart breaking. If you need to talk you can always send me a PM. I wish you the best of luck.
Who does this? Lots of people. It's easy to think of other people as static. That they're always a specific way, and that they don't ever change. And if you give it some thought, you realize that's a rather silly notion. Even if you usually have a turkey sandwich for lunch, you might switch things up and order soup instead. And when it comes to relationships, it seems we're even more prone to expect people to be static. "What does she WANT from me?" is a common refrain, and the answer quite often is "Maybe she doesn't know." Or, more accurately, "that answer might change depending on when you ask." What happened Friday night probably went like this: she went out with you because she likes hanging out with you. You ended up back in the room watching TV. She got horny, and decided to make a move. You responded - perhaps even more than she was hoping for, and she went with it. Then, the next morning, she had "buyer's remorse". She presumably went further than she had expected, and now she's feeling guilty about the whole thing. I'm guessing this happens more with gay male couples than female, but that's just a guess. What do you do? The advice above is probably sound. Revert back to friend mode for the time being. If you find that painful because you want more than that, then feel free to increase the distance for awhile, and perhaps look elsewhere for somebody to fulfill that need. Lex
You said it's the farthest you've ever been with a girl--is it the farthest she's ever been, too? Maybe once it actually got physical, she felt guilty because of her religious upbringing. I mean, religions usually target actual sexual interactions as being sinful, and up to now you actually hadn't done any of that. Saying "it's wrong" sounds like she's struggling with her own religious background and internalized homophobia, rather than it being anything about you.
@Ianthe. No shes had sex with another girl not song long ago, but said that it meant nothing to her and it was more of a rebound to get over me (?) yeah i get that she probably is struggling with her parents and religious backround, im the same always trying to avoid questions and talks with my parents about my sexuality coz they are against it and its just going to upset me, my mom calls gay people "confused", but we still dated for 9 months and she didnt feel so "wrong" about it till afterwards, during our "love rush" she didnt want me to stop... but now im just confused... thanks for the advice and support Mommafrog, Writerfun and Lex, will play the friend card and see what happens...
