Asexual

Sex drive isn't a constant. It's not uncommon for people going through a difficult time in their lives to have a drop in libido. Sometimes this drop happens for no reason. It doesn't necessarily mean you're asexual, although it might. If you've had a sex drive until recently, I'd recommend talking to a doctor to see if there's anything going on with your body that could be causing the drop.

Now, on a tangent, let's talk about two models of sexual orientation identity: existence and essence.

Essence says "I identify as gay/bi/asexual/lesbian/straight because that's who I am. I will never have a contradictory experience, or, if I did, that would upset my identity completely." Essence says your identity defines the range of experience and attraction that can occur.

Existence takes the opposite approach. It says, "I'm attracted to guys, so I call myself gay," "I'm attracted to girls, so I call myself a lesbian," "I'm not really attracted to anyone, so I call myself asexual." This model says that if you have an experience that contradicts your label, so what? It just means you adjust your label to fit your new experience. Or not, if it was just a one-off thing. It means you don't get all wrapped up in your identity because it is descriptive not prescriptive.

 

Well, I think that I'd like to go back to your initial assuption and challenge that one: the idea that after coming out, one SHOULD get "out there" and "do something with it". That coming out was only a step on the road to finding a relationship, that big holy grail everyone is apparently supposed to strive for.

To me, that doesn't hold true at all. And to a point, it did drive me into some anxiety after I came out myself. I've never been less interested in meeting new people or finding a guy to date than when my friends tried pushing me or dragged me to gay bars or clubs. It was fun hanging around there, for sure, but even the cuter guys there failed to elicit any response.
When faced with the idea that I should do something, I lost all desire to move ahead.

For me, coming out meant not having to lie anymore, and not always being anxious about people finding out (and also getting them off my back about what kind of girls I liked). While to them, it apparently meant "now you can openly date guys!". So for me, it was "mission accomplished", while for them it was "on to the next adventure"

So what did I do? Not much. I came out to a great many more people, and then disabused them of the notion I would start looking for guys to date. Two years later, I still haven't gone out to actively meet GLBT people. I just got comfortable being out, not worrying about my sexuality that much, and have big philosophical conversations with my friends about it. Two years later, I must confess I'm slowly but surely moving towards wanting more, but I also do think I needed those two years to just "be out" without any other expectations. And even if it takes me two more years to find the urge to take a next step, who cares, really?


So... maybe you're blocking because you feel driven to move too fast in a direction you're not comfortable with. Maybe the idea of having to "do something" without a clear idea of what you want to do is causing you to withdraw. Maybe you just need to let the idea of being out settle in before searching for any sexual experience. Maybe you just have to say "I'm pretty OK with just being out, and I'll take those next steps if I ever feel like taking them".


Obviously, that's easier said than done. But it might be a problem that's better solved by remaining where you are for a bit than by forcing yourself to move outside of your comfort zone.