alright i hope someone on here will take the time time to listen. i came out as 100% gay, knowing that i wasnt. everybody and there mama knew i was that gay kid, and they loved it. well why did i say i was gay when i knew i wasnt? i was fucking stupid thats why. i felt that because of the way i presented myself, my demeanor was effeminate. who would believe a guy like me really loves women. so i now find myself in an opposite situation where im sneeking around my friends dating a girl who is now pregnant with our daughter(crazy huh). my friends are going to find out that i have been lying to them for a long ass time. i dont know what to do, all i know is its going to be some drama with my friends. im just fucking lost i didnt mean to lie you know. anyways somebody on here just talk/help me please. thanks:bang:
You have GOT to set the record straight with everybody who thinks your gay. It's like the '81 movie Ghost with Fred Astaire, where him and all these other acting legends tell stupid "scary" ghost stories around a campfire since their conversations get boring. Just like Ghost, the lie you told that you're gay, it was a one time thing; one time things have to stop. But as we learn later in life, those one time things not stopping bite us in the booty. Someone close to us brings up the one time thing we did when we were 19 and young stupid, and ignorant. I.e.: "Hey I heard that when [input your first name here] were 19 you told this whole huge widespread lie that you're gay and everyone found out and you got a ton of friends, blah, blah" and they go on and on about the lies and stupid things you did/told. So you have GOT to set the record straight with the people in your life that you're bisexual, or else--just like Ghost--this will come to haunt you later in your life. --Donald
I kind of have to agree with Donald. There was a time in your life that you could have gotten away with hiding that aspect of yourself, but not now, with a baby on the way. I know it's hard, but the friend drama will probably be worse if they find out after your child is born. If you wait until a baby just materializes as far as anyone is concerned, the feeling of betrayal will be that much greater. I know it's really difficult, but I believe you can do it.
Sorry, you've got to tell them. Especially considering you have a GF who is pregnant, you'll need to tell them soon otherwise long-term, it won't be good. You don't need to out yourself to all as soon as possible, but you need to make sure people know you are bi.
Hi there, and welcome to EC! It's funny that we normally tell people that they don't need to come out to people until they're ready - that there's no set schedule - that it's different for everyone. But in your situation the knee jerk reaction is to have you 'out' yourself to everyone immediately. I don't think that's fair. I think the same advice holds for you as for everyone else. Tell your friends when you're ready to tell your friends. And you're usually ready to tell people when you yourself are really comfortable with the fact that you're bi and not gay. Perhaps that's the case already, but what's holding you back is the fact that you've kept this from people. Again, the advice we give everyone is that rarely does a friend or family member get angry because we've told them 'later' than we should have. People understand that sexual orientation is complex, and that it isn't something that is always clear to those of us who don't fall into society's 'standard' of straight. Sure, it might come as a surprise to people. That's fine. They're entitled to be surprised. But I don't think they're entitled to be angry or disappointed. They should be supportive and encouraging. The other thing we tell people about coming out is that the tone you use is often the tone that gets reflected back at you. So if you go about telling people with a lot of angst and drama, you're likely to get that back. But if you approach the subject in a positive, matter-of-fact way, then the reaction you're likely to get will be far more positive. Good luck, and congratulations. I have 2 daughters from my first marriage (to a woman) and they add a dimension to my life that nothing else could. I'm now married to a man, who also has children from a previous marriage, so we're one of those 'new age' families. Depending on your living arrangements with your girlfriend you might fall into that category too. It will present challenges, but none that can't be overcome. Good luck! And welcome to EC!
yeah your right. i just feel bad because I'm not what i told them i am, and some of my friends think all bi males are lying or just ashamed of being gay. so i think i will be losing some friends as this unravels. but it is starting to weigh on me I'm going to be a dad and me and my girlfriend are very much in love so...i need to do what i got to do. anyways thanks for your reply.:icon_wink ---------- Post added 26th Oct 2011 at 12:04 PM ---------- thanks for your advice
Does your girlfriend know about all this? That to most of your friends you're gay? You might want to let her in on this...
Lol, everyone is like that about me being straight. My fb says I like both, but no one has even the smallest doubt enough to even check it. So far, although I'm not trying to hide anything in the slightest, no one has a clue. Basically, out yourself, for the sake of your gf and baby. To your friends, you can just say that you should have told them before but didn't feel comfortable to do so.
