I fell in love with one of my best friends when I was 18 year old. However, we had a fall-out which ended up not talking to each other for about 8 year. I did not confess my feeling to her then. We have reconnected recently after 8 years. It feels awkward but I still feel comfortable talking to her. I do not know the exact reason why she was angry with me 8 years ago. However, something happens and I realize that she may have feeling for me. Knowing this trigger my latent feeling. I seriously thought that I have moved on with my feeling for her. Anyway she had implied that she may have feeling for me but “she is a very logical person” (In her own words) and she said she felt contented for being a normal person. I understand that this implies that she does not want to get into a relationship with me if it will be happening. I am confused whether did she like me in the first place? She was the one who first acknowledge that she may be gay/bi. I was a fool to indirectly push her away when she indirectly admitted it but I did not know how to react to it. I have asked her out for dinner with the intention of sorting out our friendships somehow but do not have a chance to do so. She had started the ball rolling by indirectly implied that she did not want to get a relationship with me. I am confused with my feeling too. I do not want to get hurt. I want to see her as a friend if it is not working out but I fear I may continue to love her. Should I avoid her for a moment and let my feeling subsided? I have tried to amend our friendship but avoiding her now is like going back to square one. I have my qualms about getting into a lesbian relationship. I envision myself starting a family with a guy and have children. I love kids. I do not know whether i want to be with her, even though i may love her. Anyway since she implies that she does not want a relationship with me, and i should respect her decision and just let her go but knowing that she may have feeling for me really make me start to have hope. It is just confusing now.
Hi there, and welcome to EC. This certainly is a tough situation to be in. I can understand you being conflicted and not knowing what to do. In my experience, as hard as it sometimes is, open and honest communication is the best thing. Rather than basing your thoughts on things she has hinted at or suggested, it's time to get things out in the open. You're not sure that you can be friends with this person given the situation, so maybe it's better to risk that friendship by being honest rather than abandoning the friendship for fear of 'complicating' it or being rejected. It sounds like you're both in the same position - questioning your orientations. And that's a tough place to be in. Facing it together might be what some Higher Power has in mind for you both. As for having a family, it doesn't require that you marry a man. If that's not what you think is right for you it would be silly to start down that path before you figure that out. Trust me. I'm someone who got married to a woman because I assumed that's what I was supposed to do - before I really figured out my orientation. A few years later I was miserable, depite having a wonderful wife and 2 beautiful daughters. Good luck! And again, welcome to EC!
It may be worth investigating if that is what you want to do, but I think if you are going to progress down that route you both need to be honest and lay your cards on the table for anything to possibly work. If she doesnt want a relationship with you and you dont want to be with her, then its probably best that you are friendly towards each other but generally move on, otherwise you will both become frustrated and confused.
I treasure our friendship because i feel very comfortable with her. As for getting into a relationship, it is difficult to say because we have changed so much within this 8 years. I am not sure whether this person is actually suitable for me now, even though feeling may exist. I don't understand why she said " she doesn't want to hang out only with me" Apparently, she is afraid of her feeling?? I can't even date her out for a friendly drink or meal.. just as friend. It is not easy to adopt children in my country and same-sex marriage does not exist legally in my country.
