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coming out as pansexual

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by redbaron, Oct 27, 2011.

  1. redbaron

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    Fair warning, this is mostly just a big vent...

    Essentially, my biggest issue with coming out is the fact that I wish we didn't have to live in a world where that was necessary. I wish I could just like who I want to like and not be treated as "different" or "special" because I happen to be attracted to or choose to date someone who isn't cismale. Though it feels fantastic to find a label I feel comfortable with, and let go of those unnecessary boundaries my mind makes up whenever I catch myself checking out a girl or someone who expresses themselves androgynously, etc. I'm happy that I've accepted this aspect of myself. But at the same time, I'm no different than who I was before. I am who I am, and my pansexuality is simply a small part of that. I don't... want to be stuck under the label "queer". Queer means abnormal. Queer means different. Queer means you're a special snowflake. And I'm not. I'm just Sarah. I don't want to offend anyone who embraces their queer identity positively. I think it's fantastic that we've been able to take a word that used to be offensive, and turn it into something to be proud of. But... I just wish that coming out didn't include that fear of suddenly being treated differently. Like I'm suddenly a different person than I was yesterday. I'm not! When I was little, I used to fantasize about Disney princesses in skimpy clothing! Being attracted to more than just guys is not something new. It's just something I haven't told my parents yet. I mean... there are some ways I wish I was treated differently. I wish that when I commented on a woman's looks while watching a movie, my mom wouldn't instantly assume that I'm just envious of her appearance. I wish she could understand that I think Eddie Izzard looks damn fine in men and women's clothing. I wish... they just knew. I wish it was something that I didn't have to confess, and instead just was. I wish it was as simple as them knowing I was born with brown hair, and would always have brown hair. But it's not, and that really really sucks. Not to mention the fact that I don't think either of my parents even know what pansexuality means. It's just... a conversation I don't want to have. Not because I'm ashamed of it, or think my parents would hate me because of it. But mostly because I see it as a hassle, and wish it wasn't there in the first place. I don't want to be a kid with a heartbreaking coming out story. I just want to be me. So... yeah. In that case, I really am just another kid who's scared to come out, and will have that story some day. I'm scared because I don't want to be treated like a different person. I'm scared of my parents not believing me. I'm... sick and tired of societal norms and I want to break them into tiny pieces. I want to beat the shit out of those societal norms and tell everyone that there's nothing to be ashamed of, and they should embrace themselves for being who they are. I want to slap society in the face and shove it forward, not sit in this imaginary closet that shouldn't be there in the first place.
     
  2. Jim1454

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    Can I give you a hug? (*hug*) There.

    Welcome to EC. I'm so glad you found this site, and that it gave you the forum to post what you did above. You're among friends here for sure - we ALL wish that it wasn't necessary to come out. But it is necessary, to some extent.

    Another advisor here - Lex - will sometimes suggest that maybe you don't need to 'come out'. Just start to talk and behave as if people already know that you're pansexual. They'll either get it, or they won't - and then you'll have to explain.

    But try to look on the bright side. Not that long ago people felt they couldn't come out - even if they wanted to. In fact I grew up not really being exposed to much of anything that was 'gay', so I didn't even contemplate that my lack of attraction to women was due to my orientation. I was almost 20 years older than you are now when I finally got myself figured out. You expect your parents would likely take the news fairly well, which is also a good thing.

    Yes, it would be nice if you didn't need to make a big deal of this. If you didn't need to officially come out at all. But how do we move the world closer to that kind of reality? I'm afraid it's by coming out. Letting people know that we exist. That lots of people don't fit into society's norms. And by doing so, we slowly change those societal norms so that they INCLUDE homosexuals. I really don't see any other way. You need to be part of that process, just like we do. And if we all stick together, we'll get through it just fine.

    All the best - and again - welcome to EC.
     
  3. Chickzak

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    Welcome to EC.. hehe same as me :slight_smile:

    I'm glad you have somewhere to share you're problems; you'll have loads of people to talk about their experiences on here aswell.
    I agree with Jim1454, you dont have to make it into a deal, you can just get on with everything as it is, and they'll get used to you and understand
    Hope everything works out well foryou Sarah xxx