So I'm kind of freaking out right now because I have to go back to alabama to work. I am not open to any one down there and I know will have to go back in the closet. I know there is no way around going back down south because I have to work. I really dont want to leave my boyfriend and I hate the fact that I'm going to have to go back in hiding. I still have the date that I want to come out to the rest of my family and my parents. But I feel like I not be giving them the space I want to when I'm down there. I know theres not a lot of advice anyone can really give me cause there's nuthing really to do about it. The fact of the mater is I'm going to have and go back in the closet and I'm not one bit happy about it. I feel like when I get back down there in birmingham that for 14 days I will be living a lie again. The lie that I thought that I left some time ago. How do people go back in the closet and not hate it? I guess that's what I'm wanting to know. Thanks guys for reading this if you do. I just had to say something before I lost it.
For 14 days? Surely you can stand to do that? Then again, why go back in the closet at all? What happens after the 14 days are over? Will you be heading back home again? If that's the case, why even bother trying to go back in the closet? Show up with your rainbow flag drapped over your shoulders, say "Howdy y'all, I'm home!" and go about your business as if they all knew already. It won't take them long to figure it out.
Because I'm not going to come out before my sisters birthday. I dont want every one thinking about me just coming out before my sisters birthday.
If you are set on waiting, 14 days is not that long. Yeah, it might be tough, but it is not a permanent change. The fact that you have already come out and are open enough to have a boyfriend says to me that you have the internal fortitude to get you through this.
Fair enough. I don't know you're family and can't guage what their reaction will be. You know better than anyone. But is it possible that you're expecting it to be far worse than it really will be? You being gay shouldn't put a damper on your sister's birthday, should it? Do you think it's a horrible thing? No. Don't make it a big deal, and others will follow suit... "Hey everyone - I'm gay. I'm cool with it, and I have an awesome boyfriend back up north who I love and who makes me happy. It's all cool, and not really that big a deal, but I thought you should know. Can I have a corner piece of cake please?" (I always ask for a corner piece. )
I see why you want to wait. But It may be harder than you think not to come out despite your determination, so don't feel badly if you do come out before or during or soon after her birthday. You and your happiness matters just as much as her birthday in my opinion and it isn't fair to you that you have had to live a lie for any amount of time since pretending to be someone your not can be a huge burden. Especially if you think other people's happiness depends on their false perceptions of you? Either way, try to take some solace in the fact that even if your family doesn't right now, some people do know and accept the real you instead of a lie.
