Hey everyone; sorry this is a little long, once I get started, you cant stop me.. Ok, here goes. I’m really into girls, and there’s this emotional attachment that always seems to build up between me and the other person – always a female – and I don’t know how to control it. It seems that, I get so into a girl that I really really like her; not in a sexual way, but in a I-really-love-you way and its so hard to control. I find I have to talk about it to get it off my chest or to make it feel someones' listening about this. Its usually one of my friends that I just casually drop it in the conversation and start talking about them. I wish there was someway I could stop myself from having this attachment, because it builds up so quickly and before I know it, I’m doodling their name all over my maths book whilst the teacher just talks in class. .. its difficult to concentrate on my work!! That sounds really weird, I know, sorry but I just don’t know if I’m the only one that really feels so strongly towards girls. My friends think I’m ‘obsessed’ with some of these girls; they say it in a jokey kind of way, but I cant help but think.. I really am and I don’t know why!! When I look back and think, why was I so into her? I think it was obviously because of the way she talks, or I just look at how incredibly friendly she is or just think about her background and how successful she is now. All my friends give me long lists of all their bad habits.. I can’t see that. I can, but my brain automatically brushes that to one side in my head and focuses completely on their good side. My best friend says I need to ‘stop looking at everyone’s good side’, but … I can’t! - The main reason I’m drawing this up is to ask if anyone knows anyone or if you have a similar problem and you've experienced. Also, should I be worried about this; it is normal at my age to think like this and what should I do about it? - Also, there’s this one girl that I’ve started talking to, we met in a chat-room and I’ve really gotten to know her well. We’ve only been talking for about 2 weeks but I can really feel that emotional attachment - which is not good because I wont be able to get her out of my head soon enough!! Every time I talk to her, she makes me laugh and despite how far we live from each other, I really want to hug her sometimes. The things she says makes my heart race; though sometimes she will say something that, to her seems like nothing but, to me if feels like she’s really hurt my feelings and I would take it personally. I don’t explain this to her because it might make her think of me as too sensitive and… put her off me; that sounds so lame, but it makes sense in my head. I don’t know what to think about her; one minute she’s really into me, and then she’s not. I don’t want to just not talk to her – even though, I probably should so I could focus on the things that really do matter to me. For instance, my friends, my faith, most importantly at the moment right now - my exams. So I don’t know what to do, could it be that I like her as more than just friends? And how do I control this so I really don’t.. !! Thanks for reading my .. sob story :-/ And any advice will be really appreciated – thank you all. chickzak x (&&&) ---------- Post added 28th Oct 2011 at 02:58 PM ---------- Sorry sorry!!!! Thats so long, I didnt realisee I write so much.. !
Well the only thing I can say is that I have been through the exact same thing and got rid of that nasty habit recently. I swear I could fall in love with a girl in a couple weeks, maybe less. And she wouldn't know it. It was an obsession but now I feel like I am first attracted to a person then eventually get to know them, then have feelings for them. It just took one girl to get me out of the habit because I realized she wasn't good for me and I couldn't keep hurting myself through liking/loving her. And idk about your age but I'm 17 and just got over this. But I'm sure no one is too old to feel that way. And maybe you should talk about your feelings to her even if it is really hard. If she doesn't care or doesn't take any steps to consider you then you need to take some time away from her or stop talking to her all together. Its easy to fall for someone like that, I know because I was in something similar to that online. And even though I told them they were hurting me they didn't care and it got verbally abusive. Not good lol. Anyways the only way you'll find out is if you speak up, then its ultimately her decision to think about it and change and you decide whether or not to stay friends with her or not. Nobody likes it when you stop talking to them with no explanation so at some point you should let her know.
I haven't really had this experience myself, but I've been around long enough to know that girls can often develop very intense, even co-dependent emotional connections with each other. Sometimes these may simply be a very, very close friendship, sometimes they may be homoromantic (all the feelings of romantic love for the same sex without any sexual feelings), and sometimes it may be an indication that one or both people are suppressing an attraction to each other on a sexual level, and only allowing it to come out as an emotional attachment. I can't tell you which of these three scenarios might apply to you; you will likely figure it out as you go along. As for what you should do about it, I first want to say that it's great that you are able to recognize how easily you fall into this pattern of becoming obsessed or overly attached to girls too quickly. That's an important first step. You won't necessarily be able to control how you feel, but at least if you can recognize the pattern you can try not to allow these feelings to control your actions. Apart from that, as you grow older and gain new experiences, as Rooni321 mentioned, you will probably discover that many of the girls you become fiercely attached to are not what you expected, which may help you to overcome this emotional habit.
Thank you Sandra for your message; it was helpful, I especially like what you said: . I think this best describes me. I really want to get close to her and understand everything about her, but I'm not attracted to her sexually. Thanks for your kind words .. and your support
Hey chickzak. I've been through this before too. I have developed extremely close and intense friendships with girls and will think of them constantly. It's like my brain won't let me think of anything else. I don't know for sure how to get rid of those obsessive feelings but you could try to spend a little less time with the person you like to see if it helps. For me if I really liked someone I would spend almost every minute with them which was way too much. Try to go out with your other friends even if you would rather be with the girl you like. It will help to keep things balanced. Also, it's okay to like someone, don't feel bad about that. You can't control your feelings toward girls. You could maybe write down when you catch yourself thinking of them "too much" according to what you think is too much. Try to think of other stuff and allow yourself to have hobbies, etc. : )
..that's exactly what I feel sometimes. I cant imagine telling any of my friends, because they might be like, how on earth could you love someone so quickly- kind of thing :icon_redf I'm 18 by the way, that's really cool that you know what you want and what you feel. Like Sandra says, its a step forward right? You're absolutely right, I need to just take a step back, perhaps talk to her.. see what I really want.. Thanks x
I think I may have a term for you: Limerence. Limerence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia I get like this. I had a few super intense ones back when I was in high school. I haven't had a bad episode yet, but I do get really, really strong crushes on people. It will just hit me like a lightning bolt out of the blue, and then over the course of a few days it will just grow into a full blown crush. Anyway...you're not alone. It's super hard to just "snap yourself out of it" so maybe try to distract yourself with other things, friends, hobbies, etc. That's the best advice I can give you. I personally know how hard it is. I have a crush right now and it seems to occupy about 70% of my thought processes throughout the day. It's so annoying. And it's not even the Limerence I had before. When I had that, it was like 95% of my thought processes. It's ridiculous. I can't explain why I get like that, it's just how my brain is wired.
Thank yooou for the link! Its always so good when you have a term to describe yourself- so at least you know its not just you and you can find some more information about it... than having to give loong descriptions to get the simplest thing accross. Ha! So do since when can you remember that you've been like this? If you dont me asking And do you know anybody else that has those moments, so is it common? Cheers coastgirl
I havent really experienced this but im wondering if maybe it is you subconciously becoming attached to these girls because that is what your heart desires? I dont mean every girl necessarily, but just in your semi lost confused state, you are looking for something supportive and comforting.
I don't personally know anyone else who has this, I haven't even talked about it to anyone except on messageboards because I'm afraid they will think I'm crazy. I've been like this since I was maybe like 14 or 15? I don't know. I developed major crushes on a male sports figure, a female teacher, a girl in my class, and a male teacher. Those were the biggest crushes I had in my life, and they were intense. I recently was crushing on a couple female friends here, one after the other. These crushes last me a long time. The fact that I crushed on a couple of males in this way threw me off in my journey towards figuring out my sexuality, actually. However, the only male crush that I was somewhat sexually attracted to was this male teacher, who was completely inappropriate for me. The other crushes on male celebrities were not really that sexual because I was younger. However, now, the majority of my sexual feelings are towards women. But I digress. Search around for "limerence" and you'll find some online communities and you'll see that it's not so rare.
Thanks silverhalo, I dont know what it is to be honest.. but sometimes I secretly find it a little exciting to be questioning my sexuality - that sounds really odd.. coastgirl, I cant remember ever having a major crush on any teacher.. hehe just fantasies. And nooo, no one will think you're crazy, they might be a little weird about it but who knows their reaction. - thanks again for thatx
