1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Should I make a move? Please help..

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by number22, Oct 28, 2011.

  1. number22

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2011
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I know this is kind of long, but please read it and give me advice. I could really use it. I'm gay, and I really like this guy in my school. He used to be in all of my classes last year. I never noticed him until I caught him staring at me. At first he would stare and quickly look away. I thought it was cute. Lol. I started to develop feelings for him. I started staring back, but when ever we would make eye contact I would get so nervous that I would just look away. I have anxiety, so once my heart started pounding I would look away to avoid getting an anxiety attack. He stared at me a lot. After a while, I wouldn't get that nervous anymore and I would stare back. I would try to smile when I would stare back, but I was too nervous. We only had small talk every now and then, but when we did he was cheesy :slight_smile:icon_bigg ). In the beginning he seemed a little nervous. He always started the conversations, since I was too nervous.

    He didn't really talk to people that much. I was going to make a move until he started hanging with the homophobes and making gay jokes. He hung out with other homophobes, but he started hanging out with all of them. (In my school, being gay is considered funny or disgusting.) He never said "that's gay" or laughed at gay jokes in front of me. Then one day he did. I was confused. I added him on facebook, and he would write (not to me) the way a straight guy would. I kind of got pissed, so I stopped talking to him and staring at him. He stopped staring at me (or so I thought). I would catch him trying to stare at me with out me noticing. He would look away quickly like he did in the beginning. During the last week of school, i caught him staring at me and he looked down. He looked sort of embarrassed. Then the school year ended. I've felt him staring at me a couple of times this year. We only see each other in band and lunch, and in both he sits with the homophobes. About two weeks ago at lunch, my best friend tickled me and I and I tickled her back. We were both cracking up. I could see him looking at me (from the corner of my eye) as he walked to his table, and when I looked at him he was looking down at his food kind of sad. Then one of his friends said something and he was smiling and laughing and seemed fine.

    I started thinking about it, and I thought that maybe he was straight and it was some kind of trick he or the homophobes came up with to see if I'm gay. (I haven't come out yet.) I don't want to come out yet, so I haven't confronted him. I don't want to make a move and have it be a trick. I want to, but it's like something inside of me is screaming "No!! Don't do it!". Then I thought that maybe he's gay, but he doesn't want to come out yet either. I don't think he's ever had a girlfriend. He's had girls hit on him, but he never gets with any. There was this girl that was hitting on him. She would post those smash or pass statuses on facebook. (In case you don't know, smash means sex) He would like all of them, and she would always put smash. They talked to each other for a while on facebook. She told him she wanted him. He would flirt with her on facebook and it seemed like he was interested too. In person, they barely talked. He didn't seem interested in her. He's had girls hit on him or tell him he's cute on facebook. Sometimes he flirts with them on facebook, but he never does anything with them. I've never seen him hit on girls in person, just on facebook. Idk what to do. He's sending mixed signals. I've gotten advice from other gay advice websites, and all of them said that he likes me and he's gay. I just want more advice before I make a decision. Please help. I need some advice. I really like him. :icon_sad:
     
  2. Sethrowe

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2011
    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Whatever you do. Don't make a move. If your in the closet and he just so happens by chance to be straight you would be really, really screwed. By the way, just because someone hangs with the homophobes it doesnt mean their straight. I play football for my highschool and hang with them. They hate gay people but thwy never would know about me. But back to you. This is one of those shitty situations. If I were you i would have your best girl friend text him that a guy liked him. By his reaction she can tell wether or not he is gay
     
  3. number22

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2011
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Shit. That's what I figured. And I know that. I hang out with homophobes too. I'm pretty good at keeping it a secret. But he says, "You're gay!" or "That's gay!", and the homophobes he hangs out with are always saying offensive shit towards gay people. I know some of them are gay. I've caught two of them checking me out in the locker room while we were changing. Lmao. It's a cover up. That's why it's confusing. He acts like a homophobe, yet he's acting like he's interested in guys. Idk. Confusing. I hate these shitty situations!! Sometimes I wish I wasn't gay, but I guess I have to accept it. Or live a miserable life. As for the best girl friend option, I would do that, but if he's really gay and doesn't want anyone to know, he's gunna pretend like it disgusts him or he doesn't like guys. Wouldn't you? I would since I'm not ready to come out. Can't trust many people now a days. I can't trust anyone. Except for like my mom. I know it's gunna hurt her since she's Christian. She'll still accept me though. That's why I haven't come out. Thanks for reading my long ass thread and for the advice though!
     
  4. ukeye

    ukeye Guest

    yeah awkwardness.. he sounds like he is interested, at least in you as a friend.

    You could always spend some more 1 on 1 time with him, ask him if he wants to hang out one weekend and call him.

    The whole homophobe thing seems to be strength in numbers.. Who knows who is gay really.. I disregard stereotypes and wait until I know someone well before I am honest with them.. Its the best way to go really. No point running your mouth telling the world you are gay.. ppl dont go around announcing they are heterosexual now do they.

    I had a friend who used to be like this with me at school, even overtly flirt and he has a gf now.. it was really confusing so I feel your pain. Don't think too much about it, but there is no reason why you can't be closer friends and get a bit more insight to what hes about.

    Ugh and facebook confusion.. thats a whole other thread. In fact I might start one.
     
  5. Wolfgirl90

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2011
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    West Virginia
    If you don't already have regular conversations with him as a friend, start doing that to try to foster a deeper friendship. I couldn't tell if you two started talking again or not. He might be hanging out with homophobic people because he's trying to figure out his own sexuality and might be scared of it at the same time.
    I can't tell what your age is, but if you're at a highschool- try seeing if he wants to see a football game with you. Something that he'd feel very at ease with and lessens the pressure or idea of it being a 'date'. (Like, asking someone to the movies seems very cliche as a way to start dating)
    Goodluck
     
  6. number22

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2011
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hm.. I sort of get what you're saying.. But when I see someone I think could be a friend of mine or someone I would want to be friends with, I don't stare at them. Especially guys. I only stare at guys if I find them attractive. Of course, I don't make it too obvious. Don't want to come off as a creep. I don't stare at girls since I don't like girls. If I was a straight guy, I wouldn't stare at another guy if I wanted to be friends with him. None of the friends I have now stared at me, and I sure as hell didn't stare at them. Just sayin.

    Also, since he was in all of my classes, I saw him make new friends. He never stared at them. Male or female. Just me. He talked to them and became friends with them like nothing. As you've read in my thread, with me it was the complete opposite. Don't get me wrong. I am aware that staring doesn't always mean someone likes you. But why did he have to stare at me? Why did he act so different around me? Why did he try to make small talk with me, but seemed nervous, when he had no problem talking to other guys and girls? I'm not an intimidating or mean person. I'm actually pretty nice, and accept people for who they are. I'm not popular, or someone that everyone wants to be friends with. So it's confusing. Anyway, just because someone has a girlfriend, it doesn't mean they're straight. A lot of gays do this as a cover up. I've done it before. Some even get married and have children. I know plenty of people who live miserable lives, pretending to be something they're not. Which is why I plan on coming out soon. Just not yet. Lol. Also, keep in mind that there is a such thing as bisexuals. At one point in my life, I refused to have contact with another guy. I tried to fight it. I had some opportunities too, but I refused to. I was trying to deny it. I had some girlfriends. Then I caved. Ha. The truth hurts. Granted, there are stereotypes people have towards gays. Some people think all gays act the same. I know this is not true, since I'm gay myself. You can't really know if someone is gay for sure. Unless you're telepathic, or they are extremely feminine and open about it. Lol. But there is a such thing called body language and behavioral expression. Reading them aren't always effective, but they do work most of the time. From what i'm reading, he seems confused, and it's confusing the shit out of me too. So, just because you're friend got a girlfriend doesn't mean he may have had or may still have repressed homosexual feelings towards you.

    And you're right. There isn't a point in running you're mouth telling the world you're gay. Especially for the fact that gay is considered "wrong" or "nasty". And yes. Some people do go around announcing they're heterosexual. As I mentioned in my thread, people in school do it on a daily fuckin basis. They may not literally say, "Hey, I'm straight!", but the fact that they are always bashing gay people and putting us down shows that they want people to know they're straight. Or think they're straight. Everyday I hear an offensive gay comment. It never fails. Almost all of the guys in my school do it. It's annoying as shit. I think they somehow feel better when they say it. Idk. Whatever.

    ---------- Post added 28th Oct 2011 at 10:47 PM ----------

    I've thought of doing that, but things are just so awkward between us! D: We don't even say a word to each other anymore. I'm too nervous to approach him. I know if I do, things will be awkward. No doubt about it. And yes. I'm in high school. I think you may be right about why he hangs with homophobic people. Thanks for the advice. :icon_wink
     
    #6 number22, Oct 28, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2011
  7. Ridiculous

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2010
    Messages:
    3,583
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    New Zealand
    If you are interested in someone whose sexuality you are unsure of, become platonic friends with them and let them know you are gay. Then the ball is in their court; there isn't anything else you can do without stepping outside of acceptable boundaries.
     
  8. Andrew1403

    Andrew1403 Guest

    I don't know how many years you have left in that highschool or school...but maybe you should just talk to this guy, that is if you do like him and are interested in him. Ask him to hang out or something.The starring thing seems pretty gay too me. lol Iv never heard of two straight guys starring or glancing at eachother all the time.Try to become friends and find out more about him and see where it goes from there. Keep us updated :icon_wink