I have read so many drama filled coming out stories of family rejection, unwanted outings, bullying, religious issues, even being married and all sorts of attendant troubles. My story will likely be serene by comparison. I have supportive friends. I live in a place that is very accepting of gays and will even let us marry. I know that while sometimes my parents are not the most tolerant people in the world, they will quickly come around support me even if there is a little disappointment about grandchildren. I don’t even have to worry about my work environment. There really is nothing stopping me except myself. Even on this front, I have fully accepted that I am gay and honestly I know I will be much much happier when I do come out even if there is as the doctors say a momentary discomfort. So it seems really pathetic (and this post seems sort of obnoxious) that there are so many other people in the LGBT community who have had to overcome a lot to live openly, not least those who fought for LGBT rights and acceptance several decades ago, and I can’t do it with everything in my favor. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know why I have so little courage to do this, and why I can’t find the courage, or even if it is a matter that courage is what I need. Sometimes I think it will just be awkward. I once neglected to tell my friends that I had gotten a prestigious fellowship because it didn’t come up in conversation – maybe it is more like that. I guess, I don’t really know what’s stopping me, and I don’t know how to find out.
For many people, telling the first person can really be a hurdle. Reason? Because in many ways, it's the point of no return. Consider. If you chose to "live straight" right now, it probably wouldn't be difficult. You could delete your EC account, delete any porn on your computer, and go on with your "straight life". But once you tell somebody, it makes everything so...REAL. It's official. There's no going back at that point. (Well, not without a LOT of phony explanation and suspicious looks.) If you're the sort of person who has trouble making "big announcements", you might try another tactic - act as if everybody already knows. So if you're out with your friends, and one of them mentions getting a new girlfriend, you might say "That's great. I keep thinking I should start looking for a boyfriend, but I don't even know where to start." Lex
I second this. Seems like a good suggestion. You may want to try changing your sexual orientation or "interested in" on various websites without telling anybody.
It sounds to me like your life is pretty content and perhaps you are afraid to rock the boat. I can relate to that. As lex says, live your life as though you aren't straight. You can make leading jokes/statements and let people pick up the rest. Don't worry about comparing yourself to others.. everyone has their own struggle with coming out. Sometimes it can be best to confide in one person and slowly get comfortable with yourself. A shot gun approach where everyone finds out can be a bit daunting, but if you just tell one or two of your best friends that will give you the confidence to move forward . I told a few close friends of mine and they didn't even tell anyone else as they respected me as a friend so much... but over time, I came to accept myself more and turned up at a party with a guy I was seeing.. pretty much sealed the deal on what my interests were . Don't sweat it, you'll get there but slower is better in my opinion..
I can relate to you in several different ways. I live in a city that is welcoming of the LGBT community, and I didn't have to go through a massive struggle to come out because all of my friends are allies (and also because I didn't come out to myself until I was way past my vulnerable teenage years in a homophobic state). My parents are also not 100% supportive of homosexuality, though I am in no doubt that they care more about my happiness and safety than anything else. I also had difficulty mustering the courage to come out because I am an insecure person who is terrified of being judged by others. The first couple of people I told were those I trusted never, ever to spread this information about me to anyone else. Not all of us are the kind who would readily divulge information about ourselves that is this personal and intimate, even when we have welcoming friends or environments that would accept us without question. Based on my own experiences, I think it would work well if you first come out to one or more persons you trust to not tell others who may not sympathize. Talk to them about your feelings and experiences, and once you are comfortable and confident enough, you can come out to more people while knowing at least a few people have your back.
The 3 people I've told so far (my brother and two friends) have reacted marvelously. But I'm in the same boat as you Marlowe.. Early 20's, and still very much in fear about "what might happen." I too live in an incredibly liberal city/state (Seattle is often touted as the "second gay-friendliest city after San Francisco" on the West Coast), my parents would probably only be disappointed but wouldnt disown me as their son... The fear probably emanates mainly from the sense of awkwardness that people will perceive of me as being different, or even worse, that they'll scoff at the fact that I've been living a lie for so long. ---------- Post added 4th Nov 2011 at 12:33 PM ---------- I have this one friend who is currently in LA, and if I'm afraid to tell anyone, it's him... he once said, "i want to take every f*g and smash their brains in." he's also really tough, not someone i'd want to mess with lol... I felt really uneasy the other day when he contact me on FB and proposed, "why not come down here, mate, for the holidays and we can go cruising for chicks together." I hesitated to say "yes", since i'd be lying to myself after having begun the coming-out process already. But I was also afraid to tell him the truth, for fear he'd hunt me down and do something terrible lol...
