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need some help please

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by firemaker13, Oct 29, 2011.

  1. firemaker13

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    I tried telling my bf i was gay and again he:bang: didnot believe me then he said i was supposedly I am a useless bitch. :bang:
     
  2. Katelynn

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    I'm sorry to hear he reacted that way. Perhaps he was just having a hard time processing the information you were telling him or he may feel like it was something he did to make you feel this way (probably not, but that is how some guys react). I really hope he comes around & you can both still remain friends tho. (*hug*)
     
  3. Wolfgirl90

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    Am I reading this correctly? You told your best (guy) friend you were gay and he
    1) Refused to believe you, and then
    2) Called you a useless ****?


    Wow. ... -frown- (*hug*) I'm so sorry. Here are my thoughts on it: Maybe your guy friend liked you and so his response was one of upset/hurt/denial. It does not excuse his reaction, but maybe it's a possible explanation for it. If you want to keep the friendship still try waiting about a day before talking to him.
    Tell him you were absolutely not kidding.
    And let him know how you felt about his reaction.


    Just thoughts...
     
  4. TyRawr

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    Thats something he is saying out of hurt love.

    Its obvious you care for him, and its difficult when you dont want to hurt him, but you have to make it clear how you feel. Your gay, you can admit that, and he will learn to. Telling someone they are a useless bitch is a defensive mechanism. He is just expressing his disappointment in the relationship.

    He probably is ignorant to this, but he has probably known there was something off about your relationship the whole time. Its hard (even when we try our hardest) to hide the fact that we are gay. And when you are gay, and in something as severe as a heterosexual relationship, it becomes harder to cover up feelings. He can probably sense your energy, and knows you are coming from a place of truth, and he doesnt want to admit it.

    Love yourself, you are beautiful, and you are in such a good place for being able to tell him. Do what you need to do for yourself, and he will catch on eventually. Im sorry, theres not much more you can do.
     
  5. Chrisyan

    Chrisyan Guest

    I'm confused like wolfgirl. You mean "bf" as in boyfriend or besfriend? And then he called you an "useless b****" or you're calling yourself that? :/
     
  6. Jinkies

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    Hm.. Perhaps he's only saying that because he wants more of a relationship? I mean.. if I was dating somebody of the opposite sex, and I learned that they were actually gay, I'd be quite disappointed.
     
  7. Chandra

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    My first understanding of this was that you are trying to break it off with your boyfriend by letting him know you're gay, but he doesn't believe you and is telling you you're a useless bitch. Is that correct?

    If so, this sounds to me like verbal abuse and possibly an attempt at emotional manipulation (by denying you the right to identify yourself the way you choose). It could be that he's reacting in a more volatile manner than usual because he's afraid of losing you, but his reaction and his words are raising a lot of red flags with me. If there have been any signs in the past that your boyfriend tries to control you, puts you down or belittles you, then this is an unhealthy and potentially dangerous situation. Can you please give us some more details about your relationship? Please feel free to send me (or any of the other advisors) a private message if you don't want to talk about this in public.
     
  8. MommaFrog

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    Firemaker, darling, tell that worthless man to lose your phone number, forget how to get to your house, and leave you alone!!!

    FIRSTLY, No man should ever call ANY woman that.

    Second, he can't very well be your boyfriend if you are a lesbian, and that probably upset him quite a bit, but that's no excuse...

    Thirdly, You don't need to keep him as a friend if that is how he is going to treat you

    Lastly, if that's how your relationship has been, than it was a controlling, manipulative relationship. I've been there, done that, and beleive me its no fun and you don't need him...

    There's plenty of people who do and will love you for you!
     
  9. Lexington

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    You are worthless. To him. You know, since you're gay and all. So DTMFA and start working on finding yourself a girlfriend. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  10. just b urself

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    im sorry.oh so sorry to hear that but im here if u want to talk but u arent useless.but i just want to ask a question..if ur gay why do u have a bf?im not casting any judgement,im just curious really.
     
  11. BradThePug

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    Wow... I really sorry that that happened.

    Nobody should call anybody that...
     
  12. firemaker13

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    Well I feel straight. Even though I feel like i come out. We been arguing for the last four months out of the six month relationship. If you would call it that. Red flags oh yes, he calls me names that I am not proud of. He calls a bitch, slut, hore, fag, gay, tranny, queer, flamming. Homo, retarded, useless bitch, cunt, his little boy, lesbo, bi, closet fag,butch, etc. I act fagish, gay, I am a boy, act to manly, touch like a Guy, I do grayish things. I ware man clone, wearing mainly Guy clothes, he doesnot like wearing thongs, he would rather see me wear man underwear like Whittaker tities, he said there hot on me, I dated while I still in the closet, I knew it was wrong do date him, but I did not know why. Since the women notice me and I stopping having sex with him, the arguments are getting worse and more verble violent. He told me that he would send pics of his cut wrists undernieth my door, if I dumped him, I don't suck cock. I can't physically and I mentally, I get bad memories when I do it. I have gag reflex, I believe its wrong, I believe a man shouldnot have a penis, I been sexually abuse,growing up. Everytime I dated a Guy it felt terrible wrong. Things they did felt like rape.
     
  13. MommaFrog

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    **hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs**

    Ok, seriously, he IS ABUSING YOU... PLEASE get rid of him... If he cuts himself, that is HIS own fault, not yours....

    If being with a man feels wrong to you, then it is wrong, but don't let what he says make you think your a lesbian... only YOU can determine that...

    I have been where you are, and its hard... if you don't get away from him, it will only get worse, and end with restraining orders...

    You need to tell someone what he's doing, just so you have someone looking out for you... please dear...

    I'm here for you if you need me....

    **more hugs**
     
    #13 MommaFrog, Oct 30, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2011