I went out with a guy and he was fantastic. He made me confident and happy and I kept laughing all night. Now for the terrible part. Part way through dinner I get a text from my mom saying, "please think again about what you're doing." Then my best friend tells me what I am doing is disgusting and he can never support what I am doing. I honestly think my one friend is the only reason I am alive tonight. This hurts so bad to say and am crying writing it but I came close to ending it all tonight. Please, am I supposed to abandon my family? Or do I just pretend like they don't exist and keep going.
(*hug*) Jake, I'm sorry that this happened. It makes me feel sick to my stomach on your behalf. How did your mom know you were out to dinner with this guy? I'm very sorry about your best-friend....He/She is not reacting like a friend should. If your friend is not going to be supportive, ..then..I'm sorry sweetie but I don't think the friendship is healthy for you to keep. As far as your mom goes...she may come around eventually. It's got to be hard that you were hit with two painful experiences in one night. It's good that you're here on EC, I've only met a couple people here but I know we'll do our best to be supportive and loving. We're here for you. I know the pain you're feeling is very very real to you, and it's raw right now. What did your date have to say? Was he helpful?
He was so genuine. He was hurt by my problems, and it makes me feel worse. He said anything he could to help me, and I really love that. Damnit I just wish I could show my friends/ family I am no different than what I used to be.
I know you might consciously know it, but when in pain it's hard to feel emotionally what is most logical: It's their loss if they don't come to terms with their own homophobic feelings. You sound very kind, considerate, and good-hearted. I don't know your friend so I can't say if they'll come around...but I've heard that most family will eventually come around in some form or fashion. I can empathize with your struggles... It's hard that people might suddenly think we're ' a whole new person' when they learn we're gay. Even my bi best friend (girl) sometimes gets a little weird about it....(Still confuses me, that....) I'm very glad to hear that the guy you were with was supportive. That's awesome...I know you feel sad that he feels mutual pain on your behalf; but that just shows he cares about you. And obviously, you care about him too I'm very happy you have someone supportive with you. We can't force people to see through our eyes, but there are things we can offer them to help them gain insight if they WANT to understand. PFLAG , books, DVD's, etc...
I just can't get past this depression right now. Im just gonna go to bed so I stop thinking about it. This just sucks so bad. Wolfgirl90 thanks for getting me to calm down some.
Oh man... that must suck. But it won't suck as much tomorrow... even less the day after. Don't worry about it. Your mind will learn how to deal with everything as time goes by. Sometime we have to choose between important things. When you can't, just go with the one that'll make life better for you. Your life is meant for you, not anyone else. Don't stress it and I hope you all the best. Your guy sounds like a good person...ask him if you can take advantage of his kindness for the time being...just till you can see things a little clearer.
Well today I did a Facebook post (which I never do) thanking my friends and family for showing me how little I matter to them. It was my way of showing them how much they had hurt me. Then I get a text from my sister calling me a selfish ass, and how I never think of anyone but myself. I love my family so much but every time I say anything I get shit on from four sides and above. I just want to leave this place.
I understand how you feel. They walk all over you, expect you to do for them, and when you do something to make yourself happy, suddenly you're selfish and vile... Happens to me all the time. If you live at home I suggest working on not living there, If you dont, then live your life. They can't tell you what makes you happy. They have no right to condemn you for BEING happy!
Jake V first you need a (*hug*)(*hug*) It totally sucks what you are going through. This is your life and this is who you truly are. Don't give up on that. I hope your friend will come around but if he doesn't he probably isn't the friend you need/deserve. I'm happy to hear you have new friend that has your back and supports you. It's gonna be ok.
Of all the ignorant comments, the whole "you're being selfish" game is the one that confounds me the most. Think about it - would you ever tell your siblings or family members "I want you to lie about who you are, and date people you're not interested in, because it would make MY life easier"? What sort of position is that? And to suggest that if you don't cave to those demands, YOU're somehow being "selfish"? "Yeah, yeah, you're gay and you're attracted to guys - but what about MY needs to have a superficially 'normal' family? Can't you just pretend to be straight, for MY sake?" That's nearly a dictionary definition of "selfish" right there. It seems many people in your life don't "get it" right now. Fine - let them not get it. But don't let them drag you down. You've got a fucking life to live, and you shouldn't have to weigh their considerations when it comes to who you date and how you live. So block the haters - yes, even your mother - and get back to dating this killer boyfriend who, so far, is a living embodiment as to why you SHOULD be gay, out and happy. Lex
Thank you everyone. I am just going to keep seeing this guy because I really do like him and am not going to let anyone kill that. I think one of the biggest reasons I was/am upset is because it was my first date. Lex thank you. You really got me laughing and that's what I needed. Now that I'm thinking about it, maybe it isn't so terrible.
If that's what it takes, yes. YOU aren't responsible for anyone's happiness but YOUR OWN! If your mom or your sister or your friend have a problem with you being gay and dating other guys, then THEY have a problem that THEY need to deal with. The best thing you can do is to keep dating that guy and completely disregard what ever shit you get back from your mom, sister, or friend. Don't even give them the benefit of a reaction. Make it clear that you're going to go about your business and have a good time regardless of what they say - without saying anything back to them. They'll either come around, or then won't. But in the end the only person you need to worry about is you. So congrats on the first date. It must have taken a lot of nerve given the kind of 'support' you've received from your family. Know that everyone here is behind you - and we think the guy you're dating is awesome! (!)
Like Jim said, the only person you should care for in this world is YOU--besides your significant other, and your friends who SUPPORT you, not DEGRADE you. Always keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. Sounds to me like your enemies for now are your mother, and your best friend who sounds like your major enemy. Be like America and England: Cut ALL ties with this "best friend" immediately. Focus on the friend who will do anything for you, and has SAID IT to your face! --Donald
I feel so much better. My brother-in-law gave me an angry speech, but he was saying how much he loved me and he was hurt that I went behind his back by making the facebook post, I get the feeling the anger was just a cover of his true emotions. Then after our hockey game my friend gave me this heart felt sorrowful talk. He said he was in an angry mood and responded with something he never should have last night. He told me that he was drunk and still hasn't had that much time to adjust but he still should have never said what he did. Then he told me that I should not be afraid to talk to him and that he will be as supportive as possible from now on. I ended my original facebook post asking for anyone who knows me or my family to say a prayer because I really need some help. Well it turns out all of my friends and family are having a day of fasting tomorrow to show support for me. I guess things might actually work out for the better!
This is when you say "well it's MY life, who am I SUPPOSED to think about?" And then you leave it at that. You're not asking any of them to change, merely to love you and respect you as a person. They don't have to be okay with gay people to do that; they DO have to at least learn to somewhat shut their mouths around you. You're not being selfish. You're hurt, and you have the right to feel hurt. Embrace that feeling and use it as fuel to do whatever you have to do, and if that means ignoring your family for a while, then do it. And honestly, any friend who calls you "disgusting" just for being gay isn't a very good friend. I don't care how well meaning someone is, I don't care how drunk someone is, you don't call people disgusting for who they love. That's ridiculous. And if someone gets so drunk that they start saying things like that, well... Maybe I'm just a harsh prude, but I don't like associating with people who get plastered like that. But congrats on your date. I hope things go well in the future, and I hope that your family comes around eventually.
