well, today, i'm going to go to the walk in period at one of the LGBT centers in manhattan, i'm going to spill my heart out and confess myself. :icon_sad: i've never told anybody besides myself in person that i'm gay and for me to tell someone else in person is making me nervous. VERY nervous. all the thoughts of denial are really running through my mind as well as a lot of thoughts. i need some encouragement to keep me from dodging these people and having cold feet. :help:
I think that you need to remember that alot of these people -are- gay, and they can relate. If nothing else, don't confess unless someone asks you. But even with that, don't be too doubtful. These are some of the most supportive people. And they obviously can't be homophobic, nor can they attack you because they're homophobic. Another possibility is to confess to one person, and then have a good, long conversation with them? Those kinds of things seem to help me, at least.
Wow, that's a huge and wonderful step! I am really glad to see you taking this next step. It's worthwhile to know that there are *plenty* of people who show up to LGBT centers literally shaking and barely able to talk, so they are fully aware of what people go through and how difficult it can be. I think you'll be really surprised at how much of a difference it can make for you.
That is a huge step (*hug*) ! Keep in mind that the people there have been in your shoes too. They know how it feels to be gay, to be closeted, to come out to someone for the first time. They can relate and they're here to help. You have nothing to expect from them but acceptance and support. Let us know how things went Take care (*hug*) Cécile
about the LGBT center thing. okay, i'll tell you guys everything what happened because it was both good and bad. i pretty much went over from where i lived over to manhattan and everything. i arrived about an hour early before the walk in period started which was about 5 o clock. i walked out the subway station on 14th street and it was right there on 13th street. i felt nervous, anxious and scared as hell but i FORCED myself to go into there. so i go to the front desk and asked them where is the walk in period being held at and the receptionist told me where to go. i took the elevator up to the floor where it was being held. i felt a bit of fear and excitement going on as i was going up the elevator. so i exit and i walk around a bit thinking to myself "i am here, i'm about to spill my guts and tell them everything that was bothering me". i thought that it would just be me sitting there, relaxing, chilling like the many times i went to various therapists where i would just wait in the waiting room with other people, waiting to be called in to the psychologists/therapists office. well, i was wrong. dead wrong. in fact, i found out that i would be tested in regards of whether i should leave the LGBT center or not. the first time came was when i walked into the hallway and i saw an either mixed guy, a spanish mute guy walking with who i thought was a friend. he was carrying one of those student bags that you put over the shoulder. i walked passed him while i was looking for the room and that's when i decided to go up the stairs to the next floor to see if it was there. so i go to staircase door, going up the stairs and this guy follows me. he's looking at me like :icon_bigg and trying to talk to me in sign language. i guess he motioned me to shake his hand because he extended his hand out in which i shook his hand. he then motioned me to give him a hug in which i did as well. it was then that he motioned for me to do something more as i could tell by his body language and his facial expression which was like :icon_redf. he also started rubbing the back of my hair in a "i like you" kind of way. i got what he was trying to do and that's when i had to stomp the breaks out to let him know that even though i was trying to be friendly with him, i wasn't trying to take it there. i wasn't looking for love, a relationship, or sex but was only there to do the whole walk in period counsel session thing. so i went up to the 4th floor, found that there was nothing there and i went back downstairs and sat in one of the chairs outside this meeting hall and the same guy comes back. he's trying to talk to me and all but i was a bit apprehensive of him after what happened some minutes earlier between him and me. it was then that i kind of withdrew myself away him and he went off to do something else. i thought that i would be able to relax because i was getting a bit antsy as the minutes got closer to the walk in period which was at 6. yet it happened again. there was a transgender guy that walked into one of the meeting rooms that gave me a serious look. i looked back at her like "wtf are you looking at?" she kept going back and forth, in and out the room to the elevator or the bathroom. so i decided to go to use the bathroom because i had to take a piss and that's when she came into the bathroom too. i started smirking a bit while i stood next to her by the sink where she was washing her hands and then she told me "you look very attractive", i started smiling even more. that was when she decided to rub her hand at the back of my head like the mute guy did. that's when i told her.. :eusa_naug and then she told me that her friend wanted to talk to me and i told her that i was good and wanted to be left alone. she was really insistent on it and that's when i told her that i was good and left the bathroom. i went back to my chair wondering if it was worth having unwanted attention from other men just to speak to some counselors on my situation. i found myself having to a deserted room where i thought nobody would show up. i too was wrong where there were two guys that showed up out of nowhere thinking that there was something going on that said "hi" to me and just walked out. i was like what the fuck??? it was then that i decided to go outside and wait. i was like dayum, if this is what i have to go through just to speak to someone to tell them that "i think that i'm gay and i don't know how to deal with it" then i'll deal with it. so i waited around and whatever and then the time came. i'll talk about what happened after i take a shower and talk about the meeting and let me tell you, all my nervousness, fear, anxiety, and all that came out. i was SCARED AS SHIT!
as for the meeting, i went into there. i signed some paperwork. it was two counselors that were sitting there facing me and i was facing them. i thought they would start off the convo with them talking a little about what they do but they just went straight to me instead. "what do you want to talk about?" it was then that i looked at the floor holding my face in complete shame, fear, feeling helpless, vunerable telling them that "i think that i'm gay". i told them about how i had an attraction to men and women and i expressed some of the attractions i had through masturbation. the same things that i pretty much said in here except not as detailed. i found myself afraid, nervous and terrified telling them all of that. they pretty much gave me insight, including telling me what they went through, their situations and how they could relate to what i was going through. even though i think they didn't get through to me with calming down my nerves towards the situation, they actually did. to make a long story short, they gave me some referrals of some people i could go to to in learning how to deal with being gay and one of them is actually a part of this group that is in charge of a workshop on men that are working towards coming out the closet. i'm interested in going to it besides still feeling a bit nervous and tense about it. they said that i should take it slow and come out when i'm ready to come out. to take baby steps, pretty much the same thing you guys told me and more. i guess i am on my way to opening the door to the closet that is unless somebody else opens it before me and forces me out.
Sorry the pre-meeting was so bizarre. No idea what was going on there. But I'm happy they were able to talk to you, and give you some suggestions on where to go from here. I guess the only advice I can give is 1. don't show up quite so early next time, and 2. have an iPod or something handy so you can actively ignore anybody you want to ignore. Lex
thanks, lex. you know, i just so happened to come across a rule sheet they had for the center posted on the bathroom door after the whole incident with the transgender person and they said that what those two people did was against the rules. :eusa_doh: that whole thing was just crazy though. i'm going to call one of those person's numbers in an hour or so and hope that i could meet them tomorrow or friday just to get this whole thing out the way.
Hey there, and congratulations for finding the courage to do what you did. That was awesome. So there are pros and cons to being in the largest city in North America. The odds of you finding people in a similar situation as you are really good. But at the same time, you'll get some extreme situations. You'll also have people who suffer with various mental illnesses that end up in the inner city. And they'll be taking advantage of free services at community centers like the one you were at. I can imagine that it was VERY unnerving for you. But you survived, and that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger - or so they say. Attending a support group like the one you described might be very helpful. I know here in Toronto there's a group specifically for gay dads - men who realize they're gay after having been married and having children. I've only attended a couple of those, but some people have found those meetings to be very helpful. You might need to try a few things before you find something that fits for you. But keep trying. It's worth it.
funny that you mentioned about that support group with gay dads because one of the counselors actually is a member of that. you know something that i think is very annoying though, i love new york city. i'm originally from there and feel at home more so than being over here in jersey but it wouldn't hurt if there were support groups over where i'm at. it hurts my pockets. new york having all the resources is a double edge sword for me because even though everything's there, i have to go out my way and on top of that, how do i take constant trips to new york over this without generating suspicion from my family members. i remember when i was taking some trips over to new york to buy weed and my mother and brother were all in my business.
I hear you, and it's unfortunate. But be grateful that it's available to you without you having to travel half way across the country. There are members who really do live in the middle of no where, and would kill to be able to take the train in to the city for that kind of meeting. At any rate, you might be surprised at how quickly you'll find you dont' need to attend. That's my hope for you anyway. Have you looked at this web site? Home | Out In Jersey Maybe there's something local that you weren't aware of...
that's very true. never looked at it like that. thanks for giving me on that site about new jersey. it's crazy how my town has the most garden state equality which i'm going to assume that means that my town has a high lgbt population. crazy how my town doesn't have any lgbt center even though there's a university nearby and the only lgbt related center is in the high school.
Take Nike's "Just Do It" slogan to heart, and just go there. Go to the center and spill your heart to someone--that's why LGBT centers exist. The first time you tell someone about your sexual orientation will be difficult, stranger or friend. I know it, because I felt apprehension before I told the first person beside myself, the first stranger, and someone at my city's LGBT center. I hung out for something like an hour at the LGBT center before I mustered the courage to ask about who was available to talk to me. Whenever I finished telling someone, I wondered what it was that I was so afraid of beforehand, because just the act of talking to a person about something that had been bothering me was cathartic.
It took a lot of courage to do that dude, and I commend you for it. I'm still struggling a bit myself, and I probably could have used the helpful advice from a professional at some point. Glad you went through with it.
