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Impossible for me to study

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by wellhidden, Oct 30, 2011.

  1. wellhidden

    wellhidden Guest

    Ok so for the last year or so when I realised I was gay it was virtually impossible for me to study for my exams, assessments or do anyting right. My mind always keeps thinking about me being gay and the possibilities of everything that can go wrong by coming out or getting a boyfriend.

    I passed my most recent exams by having my brother watch me like a hawk and hitting me across the head with a ruler everytime I looked up or stopped doing anyting for 20 seconds... and now that hes in uni and preparing for his own needs I cannot rely on him any further..

    So i guess im saying that i need help in focusing and if anybody had been through this before and got over it somehow i need your advice as to this subject matter.

    Many thanks in advance.:help:
     
  2. Gallatin

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    Try to go some place where there's as few distractions as possible. If you don't need internet, then don't connect. If you don't need a computer, don't bring one. Turn your phone off. If music helps, then listen to it (I know it does for me). Set goals for studying. For example, maybe you'll study for an hour or two and then watch a TV show or something. That way, not only are you rewarding yourself but you'll also break up the monotony of studying.

    You can also try setting aside certain times of the day for studying. For example, make it a routine that every 3:00 PM to 5:00 PM on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays is time for schoolwork/studying. Continuing with that theme, find the times when you work best and play to those strengths. If you don't work well in the afternoon, but work really well at night, then study at night.

    One last tip that I find helpful is not to study where you normally relax. For example, if you normally chill in the living room, then don't study there. I find it annoying and distracting when I mix working areas with relaxing areas. I only do schoolwork at my desk. That way, when I sit down there, I know that it's time to get to work, whereas on my bed or in the living room, I don't have that mindset.
     
    #2 Gallatin, Oct 30, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2011
  3. sanguine

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    not me i dont study at all, i live by the rule that schools for studying and home is for home, homework just didnt click in my brain, i either did it at school as a last minuter or in class when i had the time,

    i did pretty well also

    if your not in year 11 or 12, i suggest you take things easy and not take things seriously unless you go to a selective school, because the marks dont count for anything anyways, that's one way to relieve stress (note that doesnt mean to bludge, the junior years are used to build fundamentals)

    if your a year 11 or 12 student, start listening more in class, rather than cramming and relearning from books and homework, i mean you go to school for a reason, there are different types of learners but i found it easier to listen and ask questions, even try answering questions the teacher asks too.

    the syllabus they have on the department of education sites can help lay out what you need to know also if your a year 11/12 student.

    so all you really need to do is read what they are asking you and try answering it in your head, and if you dont know it, read up on it, that should pretty much cover everything, and give you confidence

    also give yourself breaks, space it out, make sure you arent studying for long periods of time, because you can only really absorb so much in an hour time span anyways (odds are you are going to give up and procrastinate anyways), thats if you take the studying hard method or reading through stuff
     
  4. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    And... physically disconnect your internet access and turn off your phone while studying or working so you won't be distracted by such things
     
  5. wellhidden

    wellhidden Guest

    Thanks again for the help

    and sanguine yea i look at the syllabus alot and pretty know everything that the teacher is going to do and im in year 12 this year. I used to be like that... and not study at all and get good marks but now that i wanna get into uni and do forensic science or medicine my good marks aint gonna be enough.
     
  6. Marlowe

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    There are a million different study habits I could suggest, but the real challenge is that you are obsessing over the millions of contingencies that lie ahead. It is a Sisyphean task -- you cannot possibly account for them all and for each that you do it brings up others that you haven't thought of.

    I felt this way at first. I was obsessed the fact that having a family would be more difficult, as would finding a partner, especially since gay bars are not my scene. I worried that my relationship with my male friends might change. I was worried that my parents would be disappointed and that people would judge me. But, I have realized that it is not important to focus on these sort of things as important as they seem. The bottom line is that if you are gay that is the way it is, and there is no way around it. Thus for all your worries, when push comes to shove, you can either accept that you are gay and try to live open the life that you always have lived and wanted or you can accept the limitations of staying in the closet. I for one have taken a look back on my life and realized that 10 years of hiding and denial had taken a toll on me, and that a lifetime more of it would be unacceptable.

    Try to use this to focus your attention to what is going on in your life now -- not just your sexual orientation but also your studies. The future will come soon enough.
     
  7. coastgirl

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    Ah, Im' going through this right now. I'm not in school, but I'm self employed and I have to self-discipline to get things done. The past year or so has been hell, I came out to myself and I've been acclimating and becoming more comfortable being gay and accepting myself. However, my concentration has flown out the Window and I feel like I have full blown ADD.
     
  8. Chickzak

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    I think just leave all your music, phone and anything distracting in another room, put all the things you need to work to one side and lock the door so you know for sure you're not going to be distracted by family.

    Then just sit at the desk for 1-2 hours and get used to working in that way. I'm like you, once I get something in my head, its so difficult to concentrate. So really sit down, put all the work you need to do to one side and concentrate hard. Try not to let anything get you distracted. Every now and again take a break, watch some TV, get a drink, but make sure when you come back.. you're really focussed..
    Hope you work it out, its so frustrating when you can't concentrate when you should! I have A-levels soon.. I should know (;

    The part you said about getting distracted about being gay, I get that a lot. I can't seem to get it out my head because every now and again, it'll just distract me and I really need to think about it. So I think you just need some time to get used to it? I tried distracting myself with loads of hobbies and poetry (ha!), that does help, but I think I need to give it time.. and hopefully everything will work out.
    :slight_smile: