1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

My Bi-sexual boyfriend.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by EnglishTeenS, Oct 30, 2011.

  1. EnglishTeenS

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2011
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bristol
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I am really struggling internally about this subject so I thought I would just ask for some advice from people who may have been through the same thing OR anyone ... please :slight_smile:

    Basically he is 3 years older than me, a lot more experienced than me, IN the closet so all of his friends and family think i'm his friend, single on facebook so a lot of people think he IS single and hit on him, we've been together for about 3 months now.

    We went out last night to the pub and clubbing etc with his friends, (All of his friends and himself are from the Philippines so I can't understand what they are saying at all, he usually translates) they try to make the effort to speak to me and involve me but sometimes they can't think of the words or forget I am there :/ At the start of the night he pointed out a girl and told me "She always tries to sleep with me when we go to ____ club," and throughout the night he danced with a few girls, like dry humping and all right infront of me and throughout the night it got a little worse and he was talking to some girl through the window who he didn't realise I saw and for the rest of the night he kept looking for someone but I didn't ask who...

    I don't want to go out with him anymore in clubs etc as I am getting jealous and paranoid when I don't need too ...

    I'm not sure if I am over reacting or I am feeling jealous/annoyed for no reason at all. He has told me countless times that he loves me and will never hurt me and I believe him, I truly do as he has been hurt a lot of times before.

    Please any advice, I don't want to see like an insecure wreck or a demanding boyfriend but I just want to see if I do have a point? I do love him, with all my heart as this is my 1st relationship ever I want to make it last.

    Sam
     
    #1 EnglishTeenS, Oct 30, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2011
  2. zzzero

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2009
    Messages:
    779
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Boston
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It sounds like your boyfriend isn't ready to be dating boys. You say he's not out of the closet, which throws up a big flag. If he truely loves you, he will be himself to his friends and family. I don't think it's unreasonable for you to tell him that if he isn't ready to come out, that he isn't ready to date you. You should feel comfortable enough to talk to him about this, and if you're not, then it's clearly not the best relationship for you.

    My advice would be to talk to him about it. If it seems like he's hitting on girls as well, then maybe he isn't ready for a relationship with you. Gender doesn't matter, it is awful for him to hit on anyone else, especially in front of you.
     
  3. Kidd

    Kidd Guest

    That's why I always say you should never date someone in the closet. I agree with Taylor.
     
  4. Danny19

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2010
    Messages:
    431
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    i think you have you point. you have the right to be jealous. how would he like it if you were up on other guys.. i say to sit him down and talk about it.. let him know how you feel, if you dont then he will keep doing it.
     
  5. EnglishTeenS

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2011
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bristol
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Thanks, we always promised each other we'd say what was on our mind so he'll understand. I told him over text that I need to have a chat about last night and he agreed as he knew I was upset so hopefully it all goes ok :slight_smile:

    Thanks for all the advice guys
    ---


    The thing about dating someone in the closet, I couldn't care if he never comes out. A relationship is between two people not the entire world, yes it would make things easier if he was out but i'm not going to throw away a true chance of happiness over the fact he isn't ready...
     
  6. IanGallagher

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2011
    Messages:
    944
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    I fly as much as Superman
    Maybe he leans more towards girls and you're the exception? I personally would never be able to be in a "closed" relationship with a guy no matter how much I might like him because girls are always on my mind. His way of flirting might just be to fill that void and nothing personal. If that's the case - the fact that he's officially with you? Says a lot about how he feels for you.

    You say he was with friends and he's single? It'd seem weird to the others if he didn't act like he wanted to find a girl. Thus, that wouldn't show leaning but closet hiding.

    Maybe while you want to be mongamous, he secretly wants an open relationship.

    You've got to understand the pressures of being bi. It's hard to come out when most want to label you "confused" or "gay and not admitting it." The former is false and the later can downright hurt our reputations. Guys can date bi girls. Few girls will date bi guys. A girl I'm currently going after? That part of my life? Is being kept more top secret than area 51. Gay guys come out - they don't lose anything, they get freedom. Bi guys? We have a lot to lose from some thinking we might be gay - like girls now or future. Not insulting gay guys, it's just entirely different worlds. While coming out could result in falling outs for both, bi guys stand a lot more to lose than gain.

    - Bi guy, kinsey 2.5.
     
    #6 IanGallagher, Oct 30, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2011
  7. Tiny Catastrophe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2009
    Messages:
    728
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Long Island, New York
    From my experience dating bisexual girls it's just stressful and usually doesn't end well.
     
  8. Revan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2005
    Messages:
    7,850
    Likes Received:
    34
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    To me, it's the dry humping girls in front of you. Regardless if he's not out, he should NOT be dry humping anyone else but you. I think dry humping a girl in front of you is rude and inconsiderate to you. Frankly you have two choices and you may not like either:
    1. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel about the situation and decide where your relationship is going.
    or 2. Dump him.
     
  9. Ben

    Ben
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2008
    Messages:
    1,301
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm with Revan here. The problem is that he's doing things to make you uncomfortable which you think are inappropriate. You need to communicate with him and let him know about your concerns.

    Being in the closet isn't necessarily a problem, as you said, your relationship is a private thing. And if someone isn't ready to come out, then that needs to be respected.
    And being with a bisexual person is not a problem either. A cheater is going to cheat whatever their sexuality is. Bi people (and there are many on EC who will agree with this) are just as capable of monogamy.
    My boyfriend is bi and not out to his family, and those things don't present any problems to our relationship.
     
  10. colmanic14

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2011
    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Modesto,California
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    That's definantly a red flag. I mean, he's doing it RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. That alone should say how much respect he has for the relationship.
    Look,when you talk to him, don't just like, get into it. Tell him calmly how you feel. Although, im pretty sure you would. :slight_smile: I may be 15, but from what I've seen, dating bi sexuals usually doesn't turn out well. especially boys. I wish you good luck in your relationship. :slight_smile:
     
  11. Trol97

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2011
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Missoula, Montana
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Tell him that you feel that way. Tell him you no longer want to go out with him in Clubs ask for something different. Tell him you are truly being hurt from what you are seeing, because I'm sure if he's a good enough boy friend he will listen and come up with more fun options for you both to do and be able to be happy all the way. If not he honestly doesn't care that much about you or thinks that your no fun at all. (No offence) But I think a good relationship needs to be truthful and straight up before things become to late.
     
  12. EnglishTeenS

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2011
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bristol
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    We spoke on sunday night and I told him all of my honest opinions, of course he didn't understand straight away and I got quite frustrated as I wasn't getting the point I wanted across.

    He basically told me that he feels the same way when i'm with my male straight friends, even though it isn't the same he still gets jealous but he thinks back to the gift I gave him a while back (Letter ... etc i'm cool :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: ) and he says that helps him come over the jealousy as he knows I will never cheat on him. So i've been using that night as a constant.

    For all the other comments, he told all of his homophobic work mates that we were together without me knowing what he was planning or even being prepared so I think that shows a BIG enough sign he wants this.

    Thanks for all the advice x
     
  13. colmanic14

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2011
    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Modesto,California
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    im so glad for you! :grin:
     
  14. insidehappy

    insidehappy Guest

    ok, he is bi. that means he likes both. he is in the closet which means that he has to live a double life and keep up appearances. however, it doesn't not that he gets the right to disrespect you knowingly or unknowingly. dry humping someone on the dance floor in front of someone he is with is really inappropriate, unless you both already have the understanding that anything goes when you go to straight envirnoments. it sounds like he probably has no clue that you're offended or hurt by this. so i encourage you to discuss this with him..." i really like you, the relationship is great. but when you go to straight places and kinda flirt with girls and grind on them i feel a little jealous even though i know you're just dancing. so im not saying you can't dance with girls but can you hold back from simulating sex on the dancefloor with them...ahhahahahah" see you can make it funny and not a big deal but express how you feel.

    you must also accept that you have accepted being with someone who is bi and closeted so you have to understand that living a double life and making sure that noone could ever possibly think you are his boyfriend comes with that territory.