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How is one born into the wrong sex?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by just b urself, Oct 31, 2011.

  1. just b urself

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    Ive been questioning my gender for a little while now and i was wondering honestly,what causes a person to be transgender?like what makes a person not match up with their sex.idk if im making sense to u guys but i read somewhere that it can be caused by your mom being stressed when she was pregnant and then i read somewhere else that its something that just happens at birth and u were just born the wrong sex and that some kids realize it when they are really young,some around puberty,and some when they are young but if it takes u longer to realize it,it doesnt mean that ur gender just now changed,its been liek that the whoel time.it just takes others longer..and i was wondering because one of my family members hurt me and got me confused the other day by saying that she thinks if i was raised my whole life by a mother figure i would be different and wouldnt dress like a guy and everything..and its been confusing me and making myself ask myself that if i was raised differently and did dress liek a girl,would i be questioning m identity.i mean I DONT THINK that how i was raised could change my gender if my gender is really the opposite of my sex.idk i wasj ust wondering what makes it happen?
     
  2. Robert

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    Im really annoyed because I watched a really interesting BBC documentary, about a month ago, which had an amazing chart explaining why some people are guys, girls or a closer mixture of the two. And now I cant find the documentary or the chart.

    But basically there are several things that make us male and make us female. These things include X and Y chromosomes, private parts, hormones and more. The point is, there isnt just one thing which makes us a guy or a girl. There are several things which define what a girl is and what a guy is.

    Gender identity, just like sexuality, isnt black and white. There is a whole spectrum, and if you feel more like one gender than the other, then fine.

    And, no, dressing in different clothes doesnt affect anything.
     
  3. seeksanctuary

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    How you're raised doesn't matter. At all.

    David Reimer - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    "David Reimer (August 22, 1965 – May 4, 2004) was a Canadian man who was born as a healthy male, but was sexually reassigned and raised as female after his penis was accidentally destroyed during circumcision.[1] Psychologist John Money oversaw the case and reported the reassignment as successful, and as evidence that gender identity is primarily learned. Academic sexologist Milton Diamond later reported that Reimer failed to identify as female since the age of 9 to 11,[2] and that he began living as male at age 15. Reimer later went public with his story to discourage similar medical practices. Eventually he committed suicide, due to suffering years of severe depression, financial instability and a troubled marriage."

    I can't really say why a person is transgender, as there are so many things that word can mean... but transsexual? The best guess science has right now is that at some point in the womb, hormones mess up and the brain in imprinted as one sex while the body goes on to be something else. That would mean that it is something you're born with, something you cannot control or change, and not at all the fault of how you are raised or what you wear.

    You'd be questioning yourself regardless. I was raised by my mom, I was raised to wear dresses and be a good proper girl. ... I'm still a guy. That's just how it is, and I'm sure that's how it is for most transsexual people.

    I am also sure that transgender people in general-- crossdressers, drag queens, whatever-- are also simply born that way. I think gender and our tendency to express it in a certain way is just ingrained in our genetic make-up somewhere. Yeah, there's a social aspect to it, but that's not (in my opinion and experience) what causes/drives it. Society can only tell you what you SHOULD be; it cannot tell you what you are.
     
  4. just b urself

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    okay,thats okay.just tell me if u ever find it cuz id be interested in watching it..and thank u.i just wasnt sure becuz of what my aunt said.thank u so much.i was confused but now i know that even if i did dress girly,if i am trans dressing girly wouldnt ever change how i felt obut it.i would eventually questioned it.
     
  5. lilyoflife

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    This is an extract from the book "Why men dont listen and women cant read maps" By Allan and Babara Pease Chapter 8

    Is it Genetic or a Choice?
    When Body Language author Allan Pease and geneticist
    Anne Moir appeared together on British television
    in 1991 for the launch of their books Brainsex
    (Mandarin Books) and Talk Language (HarperCollins),
    Moir revealed the results of her research which highlighted
    what scientists have known for years - homosexuality
    is inborn, not a choice.
    Not only is homosexuality mostly inborn, but
    the environment in which we are raised plays a
    lesser role in our behaviour than was previously
    thought. Scientists have found that as an adolescent or
    adult, parents' efforts to suppress homosexual tendencies
    in their off-spring has practically no effect.
    And because the impact of male hormone (or lack of it)
    on the brain is the main culprit, most homosexuals
    are males.

    For every lesbian (female body with a masculinised
    brain) there are about eight to ten gay men. If the gay
    and lesbian movement was to embrace this research
    and, if the education system taught these findings,
    homosexual and transsexual people would not
    encounter as much prejudice. Most people are more
    tolerant and accepting of a person who has inborn differences
    than they are of a person who, in their opinion,
    makes an unacceptable choice. Take, for example,
    Thalidomide babies, Parkinson's sufferers, autism or
    people who have cerebral palsy. The public is more
    accepting of these people because they are usually born
    with these conditions, as opposed to homosexuals who
    supposedly choose their lifestyle.
    Can we be critical of a person who is born lefthanded
    or dyslexic? Or with blue eyes and red hair? Or
    with a female brain in a male body? Most homosexual
    people believe that their homosexuality is a choice and,
    like many minority groups, often use public forums to
    display their 'choice', which generates negative
    attitudes from many members of the public.

    Sadly, statistics show that over 30% of teenage suicides
    are committed by gays and lesbians, and that one out of
    every three transgenders commits suicide. It seems that
    the realisation of being stuck in the 'wrong body' for
    the rest of their lives is too much for them. A study into
    the upbringing of these homosexual teenagers has
    shown that most were raised in families or communities
    that taught hatred and rejection towards homosexuals,
    or in religions that had tried to save some of the
    'victims' with prayer or therapy.

    Some people have cynical views of how reliable these statistics are but if you do more research you can understand what it is they are trying to say
     
  6. just b urself

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    @seeksanctuary,thank u.i see that he was born a male and his gender was male but due to a surgery gone bad he had to live his sex as a female but even tho he was raised to be a female his gender was still a male so no matter how he would of been raised,his gender was a male rite?well when i say transgender i mean gender identity disorder.i think thats another word for it.i dont say transexual because thats when u get the surgery but when im referring to cross dressers and all that i say that i am.thank u so much.i get it now.its just going to be so hard for my family if my gender is a guy cuz they will think its a choice.that i just want to be a guy.that im not one on the inside but u know what?when i come out,im going to do my best to explain it and if thats not enough for them then oh well.a person is who they are and noone can change that.
    @lilyoflife,thank u.i actually got all of that.the main purpose of it was to show that most homosexuality is an inborn thing and that transgenderism is an inborn thing to rite?
     
  7. lilyoflife

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    yes certainly

    also do not be so troubled by the fact that you are a transgender
     
    #7 lilyoflife, Nov 1, 2011
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2011
  8. just b urself

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    @so its proven tht transgenders r born liek tht?it just takes others logner to realize tht they r in the wrong body?and also,im not sure if my gender is a guy,im just questioning my gender
     
  9. lilyoflife

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    yes exactly
     
  10. just b urself

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    @lilyoflife,thank you,seriously
     
  11. DJNay

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    @JustbeYourself
    i feel u my friend, ive been wandering these questions too, like im a chick physically but i swear i was born with a male brain, as Seeksanctuary and Lilyoflife put it, it could be a birth thing, i dont know, but it makes sense. like in my case im a premature twin -because the umbilical cord was around my neck so my mom had to have an emergency c-section.my sister had no stress during our birth and shes straight (?) and even though i was raised as a girl and was quite close to my twin sis, my brother is very close to me in age (9 months older than me) and we have a much closer bond, we just get eachother you know. ive always been into guys things, clothes, pc games, skateboards, you name it, my mom and sister have had to always drag me out of the guy section when shopping...
    but i like your previous comment about people just accepting u coz u cant change :slight_smile: wise words. im here if you need support.

    @Corporal Sparks, that doc sounds interesting, will search online and see if i find anything.
     
  12. just b urself

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    @djnay,yea all of this is confusing.i wonder if im trans (ftm)or a tomboy 24 freaking 7..but im tryign not to.in a few days ima shave my legs and underarms(ive stopped shaving them)and dress a lil mroe girlish to see how tht makes me feel and then lil after tht ima jus ttry not to think botu it as much as possible and stop myself and ask"do i feel like a boy?"thank u so much,im also here,always if u need me.
     
  13. seeksanctuary

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    Not exactly. There are plenty of transsexual people who don't get surgery, either because it's too expensive, too painful or they just don't feel the need. A lot of FTMs don't get bottom surgery because it's not that useful right now, unlike MTF bottom surgery.

    Transgender can be a blanket term, and includes transsexuals. Transsexuals are specifically people with a medical condition, that feel that their body is not at all congruent with their mental gender and feel a strong urge to change their life so that they can live their lives as their mental gender. :] This can be as much as top surgery and bottom surgery, or as little as changing one's name and pronouns.

    Anyhow, good on you for hanging in there and good luck with figuring things out. (*hug*)