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Not Enough...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mister E, Oct 31, 2011.

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  1. Mister E

    Mister E
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    So, this weekend I was having a terrible time trying to...I don't know how to say it. Understand my self and sexuality. And, with the support of several people here, I came to understand that I'm bisexual. Happy ending, right? ... :eusa_naug

    Today, its a Monday so I'm back in school. I share first hour with my girlfriend, and I usually am really attracted to her. She's cute, and funny. But today, I just wasn't seeing it. She was really annoying me even though she was acting normal. Whenever she poked or touched me at all, I couldn't help but shrug her off because I felt uncomfortable... plus, I usually don't see guys that I don't know well as attractive. But today, I realized that several guys in my first period are actually kinda cute. It's only second period right now, and I don't have my girlfriend in this class. It was really bugging me so I had to post and ask a few questions.

    1. Is it possible to go from question for bi, to bi, to questioning for straight so fast? :/ I realized that I've been questionably bi/gay since around 6th or 7th grade, but I always pushed the idea out of my head. I had a crush on a guy before my first girlfriend, so I don't feel like its a reaction to my dating experiences or something like that. In fact, I remember some things from like second grade that, looking back, seem like I should be considering homosexuality.

    I don't want to just to conclusions about myself, but I am feeling like a Kinsey 4.75 suddenly. Well, not suddenly, but it is starting to all add up for me.

    I just want to know your thoughts about what I've said. :help:
     
    #1 Mister E, Oct 31, 2011
  2. BlueFoxfireS8

    BlueFoxfireS8
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    First of all, awesome avatar!!! XD

    Okay, on to you, I'm hoping I didn't misread anything, you're saying that after coming out to yourself, you feel slightly more sensitive to guys around you? Like, you notice them more now, right? I can't say that I have any kind of advice on that. :| But I will say this, after I told/tell people that I'm bi, I get awkward around them and get a rush or regret and uncertainty. To elaborate, I definitely know that I like guys. And girls, to some extent. But when I tell people, I get lost and feel like I'm repeatedly shifting from straight to bi to not really caring about either but after that subsides it just goes back to "I like guys and maybe some girls." :grin:

    Sorry, I know I wasn't very helpful but the thought here is if you're feeling odd right now, just wait for it to subside and relax, if you're feeling a sweep of changing emotions but not necessarily negative ones, just relax and let it pass. :thumbsup:
     
    #2 BlueFoxfireS8, Oct 31, 2011
  3. Lexington

    Lexington
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    I know there was one guy here who said "I always hated disco until I came to terms with the fact that I might be gay...then suddenly, I found I quite liked it." It may be that since you're finally coming to terms with your sexuality, you're simply more open to the idea of finding guys attractive. In which case, feel free to enjoy that aspect of it. :slight_smile:

    As for your girlfriend, I wouldn't read too much into it just yet. It may be that you were simply enjoying the "guy eye candy" a bit, and you found her presence and interaction annoyingly distracting. Let it ride for a bit, and see what happens.

    Lex
     
    #3 Lexington, Oct 31, 2011
  4. Mister E

    Mister E
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    I know by "a little bit", you didn't mean a few hours, but I felt like i needed to post again. I've been around her a lot more today, but things aren't going back to how they were. She's still kind of annoying and not extremely physically attractive. And I wasn't even focusing on guys the rest of the day. She hugged be goodbye today (which is really rare and I always love it), but I felt like nothing :/ which really through my day off more..
     
    #4 Mister E, Oct 31, 2011
  5. Lexington

    Lexington
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    It may be that you're headed further into "GayLand", but again, I'd wait it out. You might just not be in the mood for her today. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
    #5 Lexington, Oct 31, 2011
  6. Gleeko0

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    Maybe you are just too concerned about this acceptance of yourself liking guys, like internally feeling like you are missing something or whatever, give it some time, 1 day is just 1 day
     
    #6 Gleeko0, Oct 31, 2011
  7. Mister E

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    At this point, I'm fairly certain I'm at least a 4 on the Kinsey scale. I'm not that concerned about time.

    What I am afraid of, is that if I do in fact keep these homosexual feelings, how I'm going to tell my girlfriend... I know I'll have to break up with her because of this...
     
    #7 Mister E, Oct 31, 2011
  8. BlueFoxfireS8

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    Okay, so it looks like you already know where you're heading at his point but like they said, let things slow down a bit for now, you've obviously had quite a lot going through you're head recently and putting too much into the how and what's of telling your girlfriend will just stress you out more. But if you can't get it out of your mind, try to see if she notices what's different about you, that way you have something to work around at not just keep going in circles in your head. Don't overwork yourself though, 'kay? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: (*hug*)
     
    #8 BlueFoxfireS8, Oct 31, 2011
  9. Mister E

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    I wish I could just relax about it. I really do. But my girlfriend is so nice and really, REALLY likes me. And it's hard for me to have a conversation like:

    Text conversation:
    Her: *sends picture of Halloween costume* how do I look? :wink:
    Me: *sees her in a Chell costume. Portal is my favorite game and I always wanted her to dress up like that* nice costume :slight_smile:
    Her: nice costume? Aw I was hoping that would turn you on xD
    Me: *thinks: me too :/ for your sake* *changes subject*

    As much as I'd like to take my time with this, things just aren't the same already. And I'm really not very attracted to her anymore. I still deeply love her and care about her, but not so much as a "lover" perhaps :/ I am going to go another day to see of things change, but idk how much longer I can go. I feel really guilty about this. Plus, I feel kinda held back too..

    Advice? :help: Everyone has already been so helpful.
     
    #9 Mister E, Oct 31, 2011
  10. Chip

    Chip
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    Perhaps as you allow yourself to open to the possibility that you might be gay, your unconscious is sort of "running with it" and what you may be seeing is your true orientation emerging.

    So giving it another day or three to see where your mind is with her... and, equally importantly, where your mind is when you look at guys, what you find arousing, etc... should give you a clearer idea.

    If you find that you are clearly more attracted to guys than to girls, then you need to be honest with her as soon as you can, because it isn't fair for you to be thinking one thing and her another thing entirely. And that's not an easy conversation to have. But if you are pretty clear that you're leaning toward gay, that at least takes some of the sting out of it for her; it's not that you don't like her in particular, it's that you don't like girls in that way. It will still sting, but if she realizes you still want to be friends -- and is ready to have that friendship (which she might not be, for a while) then things can work out pretty well for both of you.
     
    #10 Chip, Oct 31, 2011
  11. Mister E

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    *sigh* I was hoping I wouldn't have to post again for a few days. But, my girlfriend is apparently noticing something wrong, and I don't want to lie to her. Plus, she is really moody today and I slipped by saying (paraphrased), "No, it's fine I know ur tired. It doesn't matter how u act anyway." ... :eusa_doh:

    I should tell her today or tomorrow, but I don't know how :confused: last time we broke up she was depressed for months.

    :help: :tears:
     
    #11 Mister E, Nov 1, 2011
  12. MommaFrog

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    The longer you drag it on the worse it will be... just saying...

    Tell her that shes uber sweet and all, but lacking things you need / want... like a penis...

    I know that sounds harsh, but you're basically saying "If I were straight, or you were a guy, this would be perfect" that way she feels like its not her "fault"
     
    #12 MommaFrog, Nov 1, 2011
  13. Lexington

    Lexington
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    OK, you apparently just want to end this. Immediately. So do it. Immediately.

    Lex
     
    #13 Lexington, Nov 1, 2011
  14. Rinto

    Rinto Guest

    I'd go with Mr. Lexington's advice. Do it as soon as you can, but say it slowly and make it clear to her. Just don't be so harsh; the thing will backfire at you.
     
    #14 Rinto, Nov 1, 2011
  15. Mister E

    Mister E
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    Its done.

    I'm about to throw up and cry.
     
    #15 Mister E, Nov 1, 2011
  16. MommaFrog

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    **100000000 hugs**
     
    #16 MommaFrog, Nov 1, 2011
  17. BradThePug

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    That's so hard to do. I think that you needs some hugs (*hug*)
     
    #17 BradThePug, Nov 1, 2011
  18. Johnjohn2

    Johnjohn2 Guest

    I'm sorry to hear that, and hugs to you. It must be hard for both of you. I just do hope that both of you still can be friends. :frowning2:
     
    #18 Johnjohn2, Nov 1, 2011
  19. Mister E

    Mister E
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    She's using every guilt tactic in the book. </3 what do I do? I'm dying here...
     
    #19 Mister E, Nov 1, 2011
  20. MommaFrog

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    if its in person, walk away, phone hang up, online block her
     
    #20 MommaFrog, Nov 1, 2011
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