1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Another straight crush story ):

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ToySoldier, Oct 31, 2011.

  1. ToySoldier

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2011
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hi !

    I met this guy in my class this year and we became good friends. He often acts gay for fun with everyone (for instance, he asks for hugs, do imitations) and even pretended that we were a couple before I was out. I feel like he is sending me signs for example by putting his head on my shoulder during class (he often does that haha (*hug*)) or by asking for a kiss (he did it one time but when I asked him if it he really wanted it, he took back what the said). Nevertheless he mentioned several times that he has a girlfriend. Moreover, even if I’m out, he still doesn’t take it seriously and think I have a secret girlfriend or something like that.

    Anyways, I’m so obsessed with him, can’t stop thinking of him all the time even I know it’s leading nowhere :eusa_doh:. I’m so jealous when he’s hanging out with other people. He may know about my feelings cause one day when I looked very sad (by the way because if him), he asked during lunch with friends: “What’s going on? Are you tired? Upset? In love?”.

    Is it all in my mind? What do I do? On one hand I don’t want to ruin everything by telling him, on the other hand I feel like there is still hope and that he might be bi and not ready to accept it. :dry:

    It hurt so much, that’s so not easy to get him off of my mind especially because we are hanging out with the same friends group. :tears:

    Thanks for reading...
     
  2. malachite

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2009
    Messages:
    2,769
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Orlando
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Even when a guy is just "actting" gay, I've never seen one ask for a kiss....
    This girl friend has anyone else seen her?

    Anyway, crushes are a bitch thats why they're called crushes they crush you.

    The only real healing factor is time, you'll move on. I've had them on people I had to see all the time, so I speak from XP.

    good luck
     
  3. ToySoldier

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2011
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thanks for answering !

    Nope. The guy initially lives far from the university campus but rents an appartement here, so we don't know his relative by sight.

    Thank you :slight_smile: ! I have already had a crush on a straight boy a few years ago and now it's happening again (and worse) :bang:
     
  4. Marlowe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2011
    Messages:
    245
    Likes Received:
    0
    So true. Sigh.

    I asked around on EC about this very issue because I had a mega crush on my best friend and it was getting really unhealthy. Basically it sucks, and only time and distance will cure it. And some times not even this sometimes. Even though we now live 400 miles away and only talk occasionally, I still get excited when I get a text out of the blue from him. The only other advice I got was to get a boyfriend, so that you have something to divert your attention away from him. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

    I have read positive and negative stories about telling your straight crush and so I think it is a very individual judgement. If he is bi, it could encourage him to come out to you or it could really freak him out. If he is not, he might be flattered or he might find it uncomfortable. There are a ton of possibilities in between and it really up to you to judge the risks and benefits of telling him.
     
  5. insidehappy

    insidehappy Guest

    the best advice i have in these situations is be a friend. what i have noticed is that there are two people in these situations.....YOU and the person you r crushing on. the stories are all the same. You/we end up interpreting everything about the person, reading clues, looking for answers that you never get. The other person never gives you a clear message that they like you or they're interested in you. You/we exert all the energy and there is nothing coming from the other side. sooo my advice is to stop exerting energy into these situations. be friends. hang out if they want to but unless they are asking you to hang or spend one on one time with you or callign you at night or doing things like this that would indicate they like you, then just dont get too worked up over it.
     
  6. ToySoldier

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2011
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Re: Another straight crush story [Updated]

    Thanks for your advices and sharing :kiss:

    I told him last night on Facebook even if I knew he already knew; he is a very empathic guy and can easily decode people thoughts and emotions, he’s so special :rolle:.

    He said he understands and had been through the same situation (he loved one of her best girl friend for two years and nothing happened though) and that it’s not a problem for him...

    I think this entire story had made us closer friends. He’s a very gay-friendly supportive person and even encourages me to come out to my sisters and to seek a boyfriend.

    Nevertheless, it hurts a lot. I thought there was a possibility that he loves me back whereas he only considered me as a good friend meanwhile. Silly me :bang:.

    I just have to move on now.
     
    #6 ToySoldier, Nov 27, 2011
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2011
  7. Doctor Faustus

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2011
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Basingstoke, UK
    Just don't beat yourself too hard about it. Your sexuality will occasionally stir powerful feelings in you and I'm afraid crushes are just a really awkward (and awful) manifestation of that.

    You have to hold out hope that someone was made to love you and if you don't come across them now, you will find them sooner or later. I believe that good things come to those who wait, but a friend offered me this advice (which I'm sharing with you now): Good things come to those who make them happen.

    I'm searching for someone who will make me happier too, as though having a boyfriend would make me more complete, resolve all the issues I currently have about my sexuality and reaffirm my identity as a person. But things take time. Life is precious. The people you are close to (and will become close to) are even more precious. Don't take things for granted.

    Hope this helps.

    (*hug*)
     
  8. orlaith

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2011
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Oxford, UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I'm so sorry he doesn't share your romantic feelings :frowning2:

    But on the other hand, he sounds like a truly awesome friend who will support you no matter what :grin:
     
  9. Gravity

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2011
    Messages:
    321
    Likes Received:
    256
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I whole-heartedly second this. You sound very lucky to have such a friend, even if you would have rathered he were something else. :slight_smile:

    And good for you for being up front and telling him. Sounds very healthy!
     
  10. Valley Cactus

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2011
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York, United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Re: Another straight crush story [Updated]

    It happens to everyone. I'm so glad you guys are better friends now, though. Even if he doesn't share your feelings, it's better than him telling everyone or ignoring you or etc. Good luck! :slight_smile:
     
  11. ToySoldier

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2011
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Bad news.

    He was pretty fine about me telling him but I think I just screwed up. Monday, back to school, I felt very awkward and also mad at him about it, that’s why I started to avoid him (not deliberately). Now, we don’t even talk whereas we were so close. I feel like he’s ignoring me…

    We have common friends and it’s just hard to see him everyday, he doesn’t seem to care about it, I wish he knew how hard it is for me and how hurt I am. I’m so afraid to lose him as a friend.

    Anyways, I started this… Hope it will get better but I’m pretty sure it won’t… I have never felt so much pain before.
     
  12. Doctor Faustus

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2011
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Basingstoke, UK
    Have you written to him? Maybe that's a good way to tell him how you feel. Talk about him as a friend and what that means to you, rather than as a crush... obviously.