1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How do I get through this?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Tiny Catastrophe, Nov 1, 2011.

  1. Tiny Catastrophe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2009
    Messages:
    728
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Long Island, New York
    My big sister died this morning and I've never lost anyone that close to me before. And I really don't know how to deal with it. I feel like a part of me is dying. She was my best friend and the person I would run to for everything. She taught me everything about life and growing up and was the person who always picked me up when I got myself into trouble. I really don't know how to deal with this and I don't think I can ever get over this. I feel like I'm going to fall back into my old habits of how I used to deal with things which are really self destructive and I don't want to do that but I don't know how to deal with emotions and I don't ever cry. I don't really even know what I'm asking here. I guess, how do I get through this without falling back to my old ways?
     
  2. BushHippie

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2011
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Cleveland
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hey I know what you're feeling. I've lost siblings before too and it's very very tough. But remember it's okay to be sad yet don't let it deeply depress you. Think "What would they want me to be doing right now?" and that's not destroying yourself for sure.

    It's hard man, I still think of them all the time but it's more of a peaceful sadness. Not the soul shattering hell that I've put myself through in the past.
     
  3. mnguy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2006
    Messages:
    2,377
    Likes Received:
    450
    Location:
    Mountain hermitage
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi Tiny Catastrophe,

    I'm so so very sorry for you loss and all the pain you're feeling. (*hug*) As said above, think of what your sister would want you to do and I'm sure she'd want you to deal with your loss in a healthy way and not hurt yourself. Of course you'll be sad and if you feel like crying, go ahead, but not everyone cries during mourning. I don't really know what to say, but I wanted you to know how sorry I am for your loss and I'm hoping you'll be feeling better soon. (*hug*)
     
  4. Katelynn

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2011
    Messages:
    811
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sarnia, ON
    First of all, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, & I know how this feels, since Ive lost a few members of my family too & know how much it hurts. (*hug*) My best suggestion, if you want to avoid falling back into self-harming or destructive habits, is to rely on & and look for support from those around you, those friends & family that care about you. Now isnt the time to go thru this alone, so dont be afraid to reach out to all of them in your life. They love you too, Im sure, & if you ask them too, theyll stand by you & help you thru this time of tragedy. And if you feel like youre going to hurt yourself, definitely tell someone before you do! As painful as everything feels now, it isnt worth hurting yourself over. (*hug*) And, of course, you ALWAYS have all of us here on EC to talk with too.
     
  5. Fluffster

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2011
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I had an older sister who passed away too, about 2.5 years ago. The best thing is to find people to support and help you through this time, be it family or friends. Counseling definitely helps too.

    Grief comes and goes in waves. I thought I was "over it" within a few weeks, and then six months later the realization of what had happened hit me like a ton of bricks. But I had very supportive friends who helped me get through it. I wish the best for you.
     
  6. Johnjohn2

    Johnjohn2 Guest

    I'm sorry for the lost. I believe by supporting each other among family and honestly share what you feel will ease your pain.
    And whenever you think of going back to the old destructive habit, remember that she would be very sad if she could see you do that. Hopefully the bitter-sweet remembrance will guide you, even put the best out of you. Instead of hurting and punishing yourself, you could think on how she would motivate you to crystallize her: you could put he in your writing, the songs you write, poems, and other creative things. You could work harder positively to achieve something and give the credit that she deserve from your achievement.
     
  7. ukeye

    ukeye Guest

    Grief is very difficult. I am so sorry that your sister passed (*hug*)

    It is hard, not only for you but those around you. I have lost members in my direct family and it takes time. Time is a big healer, never forget that. Slipping into destructive behaviours seems like a good choice, an exit.. but it really does not do any good for anyone.

    What people have said here is true - close friends and family are important. Surround yourself with loved ones and don't be afraid to cry and let it all out. I know it may seem like nothing positive is on the horizon right now.. like theres a deep cloud following you. This, with time will pass.. and when it does, I can gaurantee you will be so happy that you hung in there to see it out.

    No words can describe the pain you must be feeling (*hug*)
     
  8. just b urself

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2011
    Messages:
    173
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Oklahoma
    Im so sorry for ur loss.i truely am.just try to stay strong.push urself or things r just goign to get worst..ull just fall back into ur old habits and feel worst about life and urself and face it,would ur sister want u to do that?probally not.ik how hard it is to lose someone,i lost one of my parents so i knwo its really hard but try to keep ur head up and theirs plenty of people on here that u can talk to in time of need,including me.
     
  9. Tiny Catastrophe

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2009
    Messages:
    728
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Long Island, New York
    Thanks so much everyone. You guys are really great :slight_smile:
     
  10. seeksanctuary

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2011
    Messages:
    496
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    *huge hugs*

    Just remember two things...

    1. You don't have to fall back into old patterns. You're a different person now, and you can handle things in a healthy way. You've learned how to cope with things without harming yourself.

    2. Your sister wouldn't want you to hurt yourself.

    If you feel the need to fall back into these old patterns, resist. Try to seek help if you need it. Maybe seek grief counseling anyhow, because this is not an easy thing to deal with. But hang in there, and keep pushing forward. Don't be afraid to cry, scream, punch pillows... don't be afraid to grieve.

    I am so sorry for your loss. :[ I lost my cat in October, and she was my babygirl, so I sympathize with your pain. But it does get better, slowly. Maybe there is some comfort in that.

    You're in my thoughts.
     
  11. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You get through these things simply by existing. By doing what you have to. Crying, pounding the pillows, listening to sad music, talking to people. And cherish all the good memories you have of your sister, which you can take with you as you move forward through your life. You're not on any timeframe. You won't suddenly feel "all better" tomorrow, or next week. But as time goes on, you'll integrate this into your life.

    (*hug*)

    Lex