Hey everyone. So i used to post on here all the time, but that was in the summer and now I'm back at school and busier than ever but right now I needed the time to vent. If you read any earlier posts, you'll see that I talked about numerous times as coming out as Bi back at school at least, but it never happened. I told my one friend a while ago and nothing came of it, I see her all the time and we don't really discuss it (although if I wanted too I know she would). She actually thought I was telling my other close friends once and almost slipped up, but I was just telling them it was a dead secret cause I scraped a car while parking lol. But basically, I'm almost done pledging my fraternity and it's all great and having a good year, but I don't see how I can come out now. By coming out it would be telling my friends that as long as they've known me I've been lying to them and it feels weird. I want to like just start hooking up with a guy so I kinda can just ease into it, but its all too awkward for me. Overall, how do I go from the popular guy playing the completely straight role, and out of nowhere become this gay/bi/whatever guy. I'm kinda just looking for words of wisdom here now, or something that will light the fire in my belly to just get it done. Sorry for the rant, comment if you can tell me what you think...i missed writing on this site, it made me feel better...but I had to stop when I wasn't getting close to coming out and i feel forever stuckkk.
Well, we are still similar in fearing what MIGHT people think of us. But actually, the most important thing is our internal happiness and peace of mind. If you don't feel ready and happy to do so, don't do that. If you feel the unbearable urge inside to be - well - just you, go ahead. But never let anyone dictates it to you or let anyone decides for you: of course unless you want someone to rule over you. Whatever your decision is, good luck!!! John
You know, this sounds similar to the thoughts I had before coming out to my friends. By that point, I was certain of myself, I had come out to a few friends one-on-one, I had a whole speech prepared... and then I basically got hit out of left field with two fears: - The fear that I was, without knowing it, really too obvious, and that they wre secretly gossiping about it behind my back all along and just weren't informing me - The fear that they would be offended that, after being the "confessor" in our group of friends for years, I never trusted them with my own secret, even after they all told me theirs. In fact, the main reason I proceeded was just that I was so sick of knowingly lying that anything seemed better than keeping up the mask. Good news, though: on neither of those counts were any of my fears justified. Obviously, they did say "you could have told us sooner, you know!". But I never had the idea they held any grudges about it. In fact, they seemed more bummed that they never noticed just how much I was struggling and self-hating for all those years. I think the main thing to remember here is that coming out is not just saying "I'm gay" (or bi, or questioning). It's telling a story. One of the first questions is always "how did you know", or "how long have you known?", and at that point, it's perfectly acceptable to explain that you've been struggling with it for quite some time, and had to deal with that yourself first before blowing up the closet doors. You'd be amazed how easy it is for friends to accept that! And then, last but not least... you're really not "becoming this bi guy". Most people don't change all that much overnight after coming out. That guy who had fun yesterday with them was... already that same bi guy (they just happen to know that now). The guy who'll hang out with them tomorrow is just the same guy that hung out with them last week, last month and last year. They just know a bit more about him now. If you want to change how you act around them, then you're free to do so, but nothing suddenly has to change other than them knowing a bit more about you! Maybe you need to just nudge the coming out a little! Talk to your one friend about how you're unsure how to come out. (even if she might not have any ideas, just talking about plans makes them more concrete). Pick one more friend who looks accepting and set a date to come out (and inform us and your other friend so we can pester you if you don't go through with it ). Taking one step could just be the right way to start moving forward again.
Hey, I still remember you, dude. It has been a while since you posted. The only piece of advice I can really give is to take things slow. Build a level of trust with a friend on campus that you can confide in first and tell him or her when you're ready. A healthy support system could help you feel more comfortable.
I've been thinking about it all day, in about a week i'll be done pledging my fraternity and then i think im going to tell one of my friends whose in it and hes actually gay. i'm under enough stress right now as it is so i guess we'll see if i get the courage in a week or so =P i think i'm going to be able to do it this time. Over the summer i felt like i was going to burst but now im more like i'm going to burst but im burying it behind me, so now I think i'm somewhat ready to tell him
