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Wow, we have quite a few things in common.

I know what it's like not to have any LGBT friends...I didn't have any until I was 25, and to this day I still only have one I know reasonably well enough to call a friend.

My parents and occasionally some family friends would and still on occasion do tell me that if I lost some weight (say, 30 lbs.), the boys would be all over me. My mom used to admonish me quite a bit for not wanting to pursue a more "woman-like" appearance--makeup, high heels, dresses, and skirts. I've been told by my parents, family, and friends who are much older that I look much better with long hair.

So, yeah, I understand how you feel in many ways. When we're told repeatedly that we positively need to do this or do that, we're made to feel like we're just not good enough, or that we exist to make others happy. Your signature says everything-: we don't need to be or do anything just to satisfy anyone else, and anyone who tries to change us to fit the mold of what they think is acceptable should leave us alone until they realize that it's not us who have to change, but society.

 

of course she gets under your skin. she's your mom.

not letting other peoples' opinions bother us is easier said than done. especially when it's someone like a parent, or a sibling, someone who is completely invested in your business because he or she is so close to you. we always want the approval of those people in our lives...and it takes a lot of effort and time to get over that.

 

I think it is quite natural to feel like this, accepting your sexuality and coming out is often quite a long process especially is your family are not so accepting. Throughout my coming out I found it had a lot of highs and lows rather than a steady mood. When you manage to come out to someone or achieve something you wanted to do you get a great high, but when the euphoria dies sometimes it brings you crashing to reality that you still have a long way to go. You always have to think of it as a journey rather than just a single goal. It is tough at times but thats why EC is here. When I used to feel low I used to try and look bad at all of the things I had managed to do and how far I had come rather than thinking about how far I still had to go, or the things I hadnt sorted yet. You have come a long way and you should be really really proud of yourself.

As for Mothers wanting girly daughters, I think its just a Mum thing, my Mum fully accepts my sexuality and my girlfriend but still likes to comment now and then on the fact I dont wear skirts or makeup or carry a handbag.

 

Thats tough (*hug*) especially on top of everything else you have going on. Im sure in time it will work itself out, try and keep your chin up. Im sure your Mum feels sad that you didnt get the place you wanted.