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Lack of social ties

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Rinto, Nov 3, 2011.

  1. Rinto

    Rinto Guest

    Honestly, I feel very jealous of the others being so close with the others even if they don;'t know each other personally or IRL. It's just so nice to imagine a whole lot of connections at this point of time in my life, but I frankly don't feel any.

    Maybe it's just me, it's just me that really shouldn't be here. I grew up in the city and should be there. But now, I'm here, in a province. Life could have been better if my parents decided to settle there for good. I could have not been parted from my established friendships, those real people that care for me.

    I have no real acquaintances in here, in the place where I am now. I often distinguish people from friends and "friends" with the quotation marks on. There are just those people who're like leeches that benefit from me when it comes to exams, homework and everything else but I can't even have a single favor from them. I have "friends" that go well with me whenever they feel like it, but when they don't, they don't.

    Life's just so unfair. I'm open with them, I'm always welcome for them to come to me and I also always approach them but just what is the problem?

    Could it have been that moment when I badmouthed them for not listening to me when we were doing our project last school year? I already said sorry, and they already said personally it is entirely fine now. I already took in all the pain of being a social outcast but why make me suffer so much? ...

    I really don't know how much I feel for this thing anymore... For as long as I know, I've been feeling this for months while staring at them at the window of the classroom everyday.........
     
  2. Rinamir Mortem

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    Indeed, life is unfair but life always turns up for the good. I went through a period of isolation myself because I made some serious school social faux pas. However, where life may be unfair one minute you may suddenly turn around and find that life is not so bad, people want to be your friend in a reciprocal relationship and ultimately, people will care that you are there.

    Ultimately, life is about waiting. You must be patient for good things to come because, even if it must take a couple of years, you may enter an entirely new social setting, meet new people or do something that makes people realise how much of a good person/friend you can be.

    Hang in there my good man, good people are out there who will not try and use you, you just have to find them.
     
  3. Lexington

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    The only difference between "established friends" and "new friends" is time. You weren't granted "established friends" at birth, or age 7. You made them, over the course of time.

    As for your current friends, with and without quotes...yes, definitely, there are users out there. And if you run into somebody who can't be bothered to be there for you when you need it, write them off. You don't have to make a big production about it, or even let them know you're doing it. Just say "Well, I guess I can't count on Fred", mentally cross him off the list, and go searching for other prospects. And when Fred suddenly needs help with an exam or anything else, you can either help out (if you really don't mind), or you can tell him "Actually, Fred, you weren't too keen on helping out when I needed it, so I don't feel so bad about telling you that I won't be helping you out this time around." Again, you don't have to make a scene about it - just explain why you're not going to help him out, and move on.

    Lex
     
  4. Alex15

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    Life, is a crazy complicated game of chess where the board keeps changing sizes,pieces are constantly being added and subtracted, and their abilities are constantly in flux. It's a hard game and few master it. My advice? Kick the table over and make your own rules. Seriously everything is perception, your as confident, "cool", and wanted as others think you are. It kinda sucks but we become the masks we wear. The only thing you can do is seize life by the horns and go for it. I know this doesn't directly pertain to your issue, but in a round about way your problems are a reflection of what perception you putting out for others to see. Get a creed or moto and live your life. I personal go with the "everyday is face your fears day" it makes me do things I'd normally not do (in a good way) Get out there and LIVE! Great friends will follow I promise.
     
  5. Rinto

    Rinto Guest

    -sigh- I guess it's time to get the hell out of this kind of life I'm leading. They're making the worst out of every day I'm expecting to be good and well. They want it rude, I'll make it rude for them. I just won't care about hurting people anymore. I've been resting at the bottom of it all for a very long time and it's time for me to rise up to the top. I already stayed for that long. It's time to let them see who's the real Rex here.

    Thanks a lot for your advice, everyone. And Mr. Lexington, I really like your way of giving advice ^_^
     
  6. Lexington

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    The thing is - you don't have to be rude. Your two options aren't "cave to their every whim" and "fight back". You can simply opt out. "Yeah, I don't feel like doing that." Doing so is usually the safest bet, as nobody is ever going to accuse you of crossing any lines if you simply walk away. :slight_smile:

    Lex