well i am a loving wife of an amazing husband.. we have 2 children together that we love very much.. the thing is 1 year after we were married my husband told me he liked to crossdress.. I was okay with that i thought it could make things interesting i suppose.. At first it was every so often and i was okay it was kind of fun to do.. Then it became something he wanted to do all the time.. im so okay with it im not a judgemental person.. But im confused on why i am so angry about it and so hurt.. we both know we love eachother with all of our hearts.. he is my sould mate.. im just so angry and i dont want to be.. I guess i feel like i dont have the person that i married anymore like im trying to get to know someone else but keep shutting that other person down.. I need help.. Is it normal for a wife or even if a husband was in my situation.. is it normal to be angry and how did you get help to cope and be supportive of your husband/wife/gf/bf.. i want to be with my husband for the rest of my life but i need to learn to be okay with how he wants to live.. needs some tips and just talk to someone that is in the same boat as i am.. i feel very alone
I have never been in your situation, but I just wanted to say that I appreciate the effort you are making to understand and accept your husband. Many people would not. And it's true that you can't help your feelings, but it's great that you are trying to understand them and work through them. When you say that this is something your husband wants to do all the time, do you mean all the time during private time with you, all the time at home, or all the time in public as well? The reason I ask is that there is a difference between someone who enjoys crossdressing as a kind of sexual fetish, and someone who wants to present as female all the time (which would be more an indication that your husband might be transgendered or genderqueer). Having more insight into this might help us know what kind of advice to offer. Can you identify what it is that makes you feel angry? Is it that you really don't enjoy your husband's preference for feminine clothes, even though you'd be okay with humoring him once in a while? Is it that you're afraid of how others might react if they knew? Or is it something else?
he is wearing the womens clothing all the time he wants to wear them in public.. i only let him do it in our home, and not around other people. i guess im afraid of what someone is going to say about him in womens clothing. as a child i have always been alone and pushed away so i guess im scared of losing my husband. i feel that if he is wearing womens clothing all the time then i will lose him. im afraid of losing someone close to me because that is all im used to is watching people walk away. im okay and try to be very supportive of him.. but i cant grab the concept of why he needs to want to be like this sometimes.. he wants to take purses with him and i get annoyed and i know i shouldnt but i do and i cant deal with it sometimes.. but then im very okay with it.. im okay with it for a few times a week but not every single day.. its very hard for me i suppose on what to do with it and how to deal with it.
Hi there, and welcome to EC. I can understand where you're coming from, although don't really have any similar experiences to draw on myself. I can only guess that this part of your husband is something that even he perhaps wasn't comfortable with when you first met, so it wasn't as prevalent before you married. But the more often he has been able to express himself like this, the more he seems to want to do it. I don't have any problem with people cross dressing. I'm sure you don't have any problem with people cross dressing. But like you - if my husband suddenly wanted to wear women's clothing - in the house or outside - I'd be upset too. And not about the behaviour, but about the fact that I obviously didn't know him as well as I thought I did. And that would cause me to wonder (worry) that there might be other things I don't know about him - that he hasn't told me. I'm sure it has crossed your mind - even if you haven't said it here - that your husband might be transgender. And that would result in a big change in your life. It's perfectly natural for you to be upset. But what to do about it? I think the best thing that a couple can do when there is an issue creating a wedge between them is to get couples counselling. Working with a professional allows you to express what you're feeling in a safe and moderated way that builds on the relationship rather than tearing it down. It maintains a level of respect and supportiveness while allowing you to explore what is really going on between you. Ultimately you'll need to talk to him - not us - to understand what's really going on.
I talk to my husband a lot actually about a lot of issues.. its crazy that we are so close.. umm and yes your right i do wonder if there is more to him that i havent found out yet.. he has told me the reason he didnt tell me till after a year of marriage is because he loved me so much and wanted to be with me that he didnt want to jepordize losing me.. and ive talked to him about me feeling the same way. its a very difficult situation we go through everyday.. and we are starting to be more open to talking about a lot of things.. its just nice to know how others feel as well and if there is someone else out there that is sort of even going through the same things i am. I just feel alone about it sometimes.. that no one else deals with a crazy loving life that i have.. we are quite unseperatable.. he works a lot out of town i only get to see him 10 days for every major holiday.. and he does that so our family can have a good life.. and when i say a good life i mean a house to be proud of and a good running vehicle for our children to be able to ride in. he is all about family.. crazy thing is that his own family doesnt support him about how he wants to live.. i support him because i married him before i knew and i just look at it that when i stood there looking deep into the amazing mans eyes and said i do and ill be there through thick and thin and death do us part.. i look at it as i took the vow to stand by his side and love him for him no matter what the cercumstances are!
so a quick update on everything.. thanks for the advice and support that everyone has given me! I told my husband for the first time last night how i really felt. It felt great it really opened up more of our communication and it made me feel better to just let it all out! i havent felt so good in a long time to not carry this on my shoulders and keep it quiet..
yea me to and im glad i suggested for him to seek help here as well.. its nice to know there is a site with so much help.. makes my anxiety left slow a bit.. but now im feeling really sick.. feels like something isnt right and kind of scares me a lil bit
so i know more about what the husband is feeling.. except im very annoyed talking about it all the time.. i just want it to be normal for a while i know that isnt going to happen but that is how im feeling. ive heard a lot of great posts i just get upset at some of them that tell me it might not work out like we have imagined.. makes me get very defensive and upset.. i think a lot of my issues are that my husband works out of town like 95% of the time.. so the 5% of the time i get to be with him im thankfull for. i will always have the wonder if he find a great guy out there then is he gonna cheat on me? or leave me.. i guess im scared he is gonna leave sometimes as well.. i know i do a darn good job of being there for him but still feel like im not doing enough to have him stay with me. it prolly has made it even harder knowing some peoples husbands or wives havent stayed with them when they come out. its very hard.. i just needed to express myself and scream out loud of here.. i figured if i wrote down my mixed emotions it would be good for me and make me feel a lil bit more relieved. thanks for listening everyone your a great support system!
Just because he enjoys looking like a woman doesn't make him love you less. I have a very close friend that cross dresses, he has a whole second persona, he's honestly a drag queen. However, he likes women. He identifies as a MtF lesbian. He wears makeup, long nails, nail polish, heels, and does his hair everyday, for work and for going on, but he is still attracted to women. I understand that you are frustrated and want a sense of normalicy. Perhaps arrange a date night with your husband and tell him you don't want to talk about his cross dressing that night, you want it to be like it was when you first started dating. Make it special. Perhaps have him pick you up from a friends, or have him get ready at a friends and pick you up at home. Go to dinner and a movie, or something else the two of you enjoyed when dating. Hope that helped some, and I wish the two of you the best!
Yeah, it's important that you distinguish between gender and sexuality. Have you asked him about his sexual orientation? If he says he wants to be with you, it's probably true. I also know lesbian trans women (more than one). It's not terribly unusual. If he decides to transition, it's more likely that you will leave him than the other way around. Do you think you could continue a relationship with him if he decided to transition? Can you be satisfied in a relationship with someone who is now a woman instead of a man? In this situation, the survival of the relationship probably depends more on whether you can live with all of the changes your husband desperately needs to make, rather than whether he decides to leave you. Of course, it's also possible that he isn't actually attracted to women, which would probably mean the end of your relationship. But there is nothing to necessarily indicate that in what you've posted so far.
i know that he is interested in me.. he tells me all the time he loves women well me lol.. but i still get frustrated at him.. sometimes i just dont want to talk about it for a day or so i need the break from it. like ive said b4 he works out of town 95% of the time so its kind of hard.. im home with our two amazing children and then as soon as he comes home he dresses and wears makeup and nail polish and it doesnt bother me.. its when he does it all the time it starts to eat at me and i get angry and frustrated.. i love him with all my heart and couldnt imagine anyone else to spend my crazy life with.. i just sometimes have to vent about it and then i feel a lot better.. just today we made a packed that if we get frustrated then to stop and write it down and give it to eachother instead of yelling at eachother witch i think is a great idea! so im hoping things keep going the way they are going and getting better with every idea to stay together and work through it.. also he read up on my side of how ide feel about things and understands me a lil bit beter and i plan to do the same! thanks for listening to me vent and feel better!
